I Should be Cleaning, or Should I?

There was a time when the current state of my house would have unnerved me to the point that I could accomplish nothing before tending to the domestic duties loudly calling my name.  Over the years I have learned that there are many more things that have a much higher importance than a home so clean it could grace the pages of Better Homes and Gardens magazine.  Does that mean that I like a messy house?  Absolutely not!  I function best in a home that is orderly and clean.  However, life is messy, time is limited, and kids are only young for so long.  Then, it's over.  Children graduate, and as time frees up the house gets cleaner.

The part that was most challenging for me is that I had a small taste of freedom, and a near perfectly clean home was my norm.  In a way I do miss that.  Who wouldn't?  We raised seven children to adulthood.  We have 12 grandchildren and one more on the way.  We were shifting gears where our focus would be more off our children and more on ourselves and our grandchildren.  It was a welcome change of pace.

Then, we were thrown our first curve ball.  It's one we're ever thankful we caught!  Thanks to that unexpected jag in the road we now find ourselves proud parents of a soon to be four-year-old.  After seven children raising one was like a vacation...seriously.  Life was still slow paced, and we were taking time to smell the roses, and the scent of a very comfortably clean home.  Active homeschooling was still years in the future.  This was our time.

Enter curve ball number two, and three if you will.  Apparently, God has a lot of confidence in our ability to rear children.  We now find ourselves the proud parents of an eight-and-a-half-year-old, and a soon to be three-year-old.  Biologically they are our grandchildren, but legally we are their guardians.  We now find ourselves neck deep in homeschooling, and child rearing.  Thankfully, we are entering the other side of potty training.  (Two at once I might add!)  Through their presence in our lives God has been teaching me what is truly most important in life.

News flash!

Having  a spotless home is not even in the top 10.  Who knew?  (Yes, I am saying this tongue-in-cheek.)

These past few months have been extremely stressful for our family.  More stressful even than becoming a teen mother.  (I'll save that story another time.)  But, seriously, I never thought anything could ever top that.  Welcome to adulthood, a full contact sport!  The girls have now been with us a full year, and our family experienced some boat rocking that unsettled us all for a bit.  We're now coming out the other side, and recovery is taking some time.  Schedules have been thrown off, and many messes have been made.  We're working on finding our center again.

With the inclusion of two new young souls in our home there came a lot of lessons to learn.  Most of them had to do with ourselves.  You know?  The you that exists deep down inside.  For me, the current state of my home would always dictate a lot in my life.  It dictated how I felt about myself.  It would dictate to me my success or failure as a wife and mother.  It dictated to me whether or not I had time to spend with my children.  It dictated to me when I got up in the morning and went to bed at night.  It dictated to me whether or not I had company.  That's a whole lot of control to give to a house.

So, I took it back!

Now, my children come first.  The dishes can wait.  When my friends come over they may see a basket of laundry around, the counter may have dirty dishes stacked on it, the family room will surely be littered with toys, and in all likelihood my floors will be in need of a good sweeping.  Be sure to help yourself to the broom in the corner.  (wink-wink)  However, my perspective has changed.  I can look at my messy house and tell that I have been making time for things that matter for eternity, not just the moment.  I no longer get up early to sweep the floors, or pick up the family room.  If this mamma rises before the sun it's to spend time with her creator, and maybe throw another log on the fire.  I don't even sweep up the wood mess right away.  Gasp!  Now, I can look at my messy home, especially when it's a little past lived-in, and see that I have been up to something good.  I am investing my time in what matters most.  That makes everything sparkle!

My List of Top 10 Things MORE Important than a Clean House:

10.  A Happy House
  9.  A Healthy Family
  8.  A Means of Supporting our Family
  7.  Fresh Air, and Time to Enjoy It
  6.  Freedom to Home Educate
  5.  Freedom to Worship
  4.  Time with Friends
  3.  Time with Children
  2.  Time with My Husband
  1.  Time with God

Those are things that surely matter most.

What a Difference a Year Makes

We just never know where our paths will lead.  I don't know about you, but for me it is like traveling around a constant bend.  The road curves ahead of you leaving just a small portion of your path in view.  What truly lies ahead remains unseen, a gift waiting to be discovered.  If we sincerely believe our steps guided and all experiences valuable then it is of no matter what remains unseen.  All that awaits is a gift if we keep our focus on things above.  Even the most seemingly negative of circumstances hold within them a gift if we are open and courageous enough to look past the surface.

I am forever thankful that I am not the one in charge of my life.  Messes are my expertise, and I do not need any more experience in the driver's seat to know that my hands may be on the wheel, but I am not the one doing the steering; that is if I remember to stay out of the way and keep a willing heart.  It is possible to drive all the while having our course be guided.  I am constantly reminded that every stop we've made along the way has brought us to where we are now.  If I had not made the choices and experienced the consequences, good and bad, of my decisions in days gone by I would not be the person that I am today.  It is certainly easy to think of the negative implications and focus on what may have been lost.  However, I choose to keep my vision on the positives and be thankful that things are as good as they are.  Sometimes our sight requires a little adjusting.  When we're hit with bigger than life events it can throw us off a bit, but constant conversation with the Creator will surely keep our paths straight; if only for a time.  And, if we're living in the present, really living in the here and now, that is all that truly matters.

This past year provided for us another big change.  Our family, the family that resides within the bounds of our home, has grown by three.  One left, one returned, and two were added.  Yup, that is huge adjustment all around for all involved.  As my last post indicated, our oldest son left home for the Navy.  He currently finds himself stationed in South Carolina.  His first visit home since leaving that day will not be until this coming October.  In November of last year two of our granddaughters came to live with us.  We didn't know it at the time, but it would be a permanent arrangement.  I became their court appointed guardians this past June.  Right on their heels in April of this year our youngest son returned home from Wayne State to secure employment and attend the local community college.

We have given hugs, said goodbye, made amends, severed ties, given flight, and created sanctuary.  There is a whole lot of emotion tied into all of that activity.  My newest revelation?  The only constant in life is change.  Learning that fact, and accepting it wholeheartedly, has given me such freedom within all that has transpired in the past nine months.  It's rather symbolic really.  Nine months.  The gestation time for human life.  It leads to a birth and loads of change.  What have we nurtured in the past nine months?  The melding of lives.  We have created another family within our already large family.  Rolling with the punches has become an area of expertise for the hubby and myself.

In 1997 we became a serious couple blending our two families together.  We gave up being single parents and learned how to open our hearts to the endless bounds of love overflowing.  Our families became one and we numbered nine.  The next milestone was 2005.  It was a year of tremendous emotion.  We lost my father to his battle with male breast cancer on April 1st, our first grandchild was born on July 24th, and we wed on September 17th.  Our lives were never the same, and we could have never imagined the journey before us.

The children aged and spread their wings, more grandchildren were born, and we were actively viewing the light at the end of the tunnel.  The time came when we could take off on a spontaneous road trip just the two of us, or hop on the motorcycle for an afternoon ride.  No worries.  We were enjoying an emptier nest.

Then we were presented with the opportunity to become parents again, and our journey went around the bend slowly revealing more and more with each step.  Avery was born in January of 2010.  Our family now numbered 10.  We sold our house in December of the same year and purchased our new home in August of 2011.  Through a lot of transition we found ourselves moving from a large family in the city to a soon-to-be parents of one young child in the country living arrangement.  Andrew went in the Navy, Adrian went to university, and Avery hung out at home with us.  We had effectively given flight to all seven children.  Raising a single child felt like a vacation.  It was fun while it lasted.

In November of 2012 the girls came to be with us, and life has forever changed again.  We are learning how to parent in yet another set of circumstances.  Our new family structure sets to remind us that love really does know no bounds, and anything is possible.  Families come in all shapes and sizes, and presumptions are a waste of time and energy.  If anyone has done the math you have now figured out that the full size of our family numbers 12; two parents, and 10 children.  In our home we currently have a variety of ages; 19, 8, 3, and 2.  (Six of the original seven are off living their adult lives.)  With such a vast range in ages comes a variety of personality types and emotions.  We are learning how to live together and thrive.  Once again we find ourselves a full-time home school family.  We kind of dove in head first.  The kids love it, and so do we.

It took a little more growth, but I can see the blessings more clearly and more quickly now.  The little road bumps in life have become more of a minor inconvenience instead of completely throwing us off track.  Even the big, orange barrels cannot put us off track for long.  The capacity of our heart is limitless if it remains always open.  I knew God led us here, and I remain immensely grateful.  Even with the chaos, the big emotions, the endless change, and all the growth there is not one place in my history that has ever felt more like home.

It is really the greatest gift ever to be where we are geographically speaking.  I love our home, our community, our family, and our friends.  The network we have here is incredible.  Each and every day, even the ones where the struggles seem to dominate, I am SO thankful for everything with which we are blessed.  I choose to see the forest for the trees.  The blessings abound!  Are you looking for yours?  Do you see them?  They ARE there!  Take another step.  A new one is sure to be just around the bend.

Friday Farm Girl: Putting Up Food

I thought I had this summer all figured out. My big plans, you ask? Visiting the local farmer's market, loading up on local wares, and putting them up. Sounds easy, right? Well, apparently not. If the last several summers have taught me anything it is to not make plans for my "free time" in the summer. No matter how simple I think my intentions might be they become monumental when the time approaches. Apparently I forgot to read the memo reminding me of just how much work it is having a baby around, especially when they go through the phase of their world revolving around everything mommy. Need I remind you that I am mommy in this scenario, and it's been about 16 years since I've been so doted upon by a little one? Needless to say, I forgot just how much work it really is.

Raising this new little one in my current familial situation puts me in a position to stand in awe of my grandmother. How on earth did farm moms ever do it? Call me crazy, I'd still have rather lived then. Sure it was hard work, but they were home; plain and simple. They were not chauffeurs. They were not caregivers to their grandchildren. Their role was well defined, and they were integral to the family unit. The harder I work to put myself in that position the more impossible it seems at times.

Even though I am donning the new hat of "new mother", I have also managed to shed myself of a few. I no longer sport "homeschooling mom" or "reviewer for TOS Homeschool Crew". The two hats kind of went hand in hand. Though I am saddened to see these doors close, I am excited about the options that lay before me. You wouldn't believe how often I have to slap my own hand from grabbing up more hats to fill their place. Am I crazy? If it's the slow-paced, focused lifestyle of days gone by I am seeking, why on earth do I keep trying to fill up all of my time? I am beginning to think that being overbooked, stressed out, and taken for granted is the plight of the modern mom. I am fighting it kicking and screaming, and I have to kick myself now and again just to stay on track.

Life has handed us a lot lately. We are steadily moving toward selling our home. I really believe this a true gift of God. There are times when this deal should have fell to certain demise, but it just keeps moving forward. As each day goes by it becomes more and more possible that the time will come for us to seek out a small plot of country land to call our own. Oh, what a dream come true that would be.

It is my prayer that country living will remove some of the burden from my husband as well. As some of you likely know, we own a local transmission repair facility, and my husband is a workaholic. He is definitely "old school" when it comes to his work ethic. If he got nothing else from his father he got that. This man pushes himself so much. Well, last week we had a little scare. Despite our lack of health insurance and my husband's machismo, I rushed him to the ER with severe chest pain. Praise God he is okay and did not require a heart catheterization. However, we do believe that he did suffer a mild heart attack. This was a big wake-up call for both of us, and he is now trying to restructure the business taking some burden off of himself. How rejuvenating would it be to have a leisurely drive home each night and pull into a land full of trees and free of traffic noise? We are taking things one step at a time and moving as we feel led. Even though things are not for sure it is difficult to not get at least a little bit excited.

We are also adjusting to not finding ourselves in the ranks of homeschooling families any longer. My last school age son enrolled in a local arts academy about three weeks ago. He loves it, and I am so happy for him. Just two more years, and we will no longer have any kids in high school. Our next oldest is 18 and is in the local community college. He is taking a small handful of classes while he decides if the Navy is right for him. Lately he has been exploring the idea of becoming a pastor. Who knew? We just never know where our children may be led. What fun it is traveling this leg of their life journey with them. After the 16 year old graduates we will have a nice break with no one in grade school. AMEN!

Well, even though I do not have neat rows of pickles, beets, applesauce, and pears lining my shelves, I did manage to get some food put up in the freezer. I even made a little bit of food specifically for the baby.

So, as you can see life has had it's twists and turns for us over the summer months. The good thing is that we are still moving forward. Things are in progress, and life doesn't look like we planned it, but that is very okay with me. I am so glad to not be the one in control. One can only wonder what next summer may bring. Where will we be living? Who will be doing what? Will there be any beautiful rows of canned goods on my shelves? What shelves will they be?

To learn more about Friday Farm Girl visit: Illinois Lori

Friendship, Health, and Changes

Life seems to throw just as many curve balls as it can at me. It has just always seemed to be that way. I used to think it was normal. It seems to me now that it is just my normal. I used to long for a more laid back life, but I do not believe that is what God has intended for me, at least not right now. Sometimes I wonder just what it is that He is training me to be prepared for. I often feel that it must be big. I have gotten to a point where there really isn't anything that phases me anymore. How could it?

It would seem that, if nothing else, I have learned how to take things in stride. This does not mean, however, that I do not get overwhelmed or worn out at times. Trust me. I do, and I am teetering on the brink right now. Honestly, I am just so stinkin' tired. I feel like I need a vacation; big time!

We always seem to spend our time transitioning from one thing, or two or three, to another. It has gotten to a point that weekends are not even a refuge or place of relaxation. Sabbath just isn't long enough for me to recuperate. I honestly need a couple weeks of doing nothing to heal. That will come, but not soon enough.

My plate is very full, and some of the things going on right now are emotionally draining. We were just coming to terms with the fact that our pastor and his wife, whom we consider friends, will be moving to Lansing to work at the Conference Office when we learned that "Mrs. Pastor" has been diagnosed with leukemia. She is now in Texas receiving the best care in the nation, praise God!

We are also making an effort and commitment to changing things in our relationship in connection with our relationship to each other, God, and our children. This is a big undertaking that we seem to have to fight for. With demands on each of us so taxing and time consuming the undertaking seems impossible. It is not enough to make the commitment. It is not enough to have the desire. It is not enough to talk about and plan for it. We actually have to fight to make it happen. A month's time has now passed since the boys and I committed fully to the keeping of the Sabbath together. Every Sabbath something has interfered on some level with our intention and plans. In the same way, my husband and I came back from the marriage commitment weekend with desires and ambitions for change. Not one has happened. The enemy is strong and works hard to trip us up. We have to be stronger and fight harder to make any progress at all. It is SO challenging.

Another really emotionally taxing thing has been the challenges of raising and relating to my 15 year old. Anyone that has been 15, has a 15 year old, or has had a 15 year old can surely relate. This is such a tough age. So much is happening. We are a child and a young adult all at the same time. We long for independence and guidance both at the same time. Our emotions and hormones are completely out of whack. Life is confusing, challenging, interesting, and frustrating on many levels. It is tough to be 15, and it is tough to peacefully parent a 15 year old.

Then there is the growth rate of our family. I often feel that there is just not enough of me to go around. Our grandchildren are coming at me the same way that our children did, all at once! There is barely time to get to know one, and then there is another, or two, or three. I so want to be a part of the lives of all of our grandchildren. I am uncertain as to how to successfully manage being a Nana and a mom to teens at the same time. If we were not homeschooling this would likely be a little less challenging, but challenging nonetheless.

My health is also a small factor. Yesterday, I went for a biopsy on my right breast. I discovered a tumor there last year. They believe it to be benign, but due to my family and personal history they wanted to play it safe and just make sure there is nothing to be concerned with. It was an interesting and taxing experience. There is now a tiny, titanium, breast cancer ribbon implanted in my breast to mark the tumor letting them know in future exams that that particular tumor has already been biopsied. I also participated in a study that is very interesting. They are doing research on a technique that would take the place of the mammogram. It is awesome, and I hope it is available as an option in the future.

I am also thankful for the friendships that I am forming. I have met some wonderful women over the past few years. The friendships have developed slowly over time, and are now starting to bloom. It is a wonderful gift to have one good friend, and I have had one for over 25 years. She is a sister to me, and I thank God for her frequently. What a special treat it is to make new friends and learn how to be a friend. That can be a challenge for some of us. There are trust issues, time constraints, and other factors.

Life is full of challenges, surprises, and adventurers. What a huge lot this is. Thanks be to God for His presence in my life. I cannot imagine managing any of this without Him. I would surely be lost.

Growing Up, and Letting Go

For those of us that have teenage and young adult children relating to the transitions that we go through as families is likely easy. It really is a journey with twists and turns, bumps and bruises, and plenty of hills to climb with the occasional slope to glide down, thankfully.

Our family is going through it's final stages of residential children and transitioning to the stage of visiting wee ones. This means that our children are growing up and moving on, and our grandchildren are coming to Nana and Papa's to hang out, cook, eat, play, eat, sleep, eat, sing, eat, read, color, garden, and did I mention eat? How soon we forget just how important food is to little ones! Thankfully, Nana loves to cook, especially with wee ones.

Our second oldest daughter got engaged on Valentine's Day with our blessing. She is planning to marry a wonderful young man. They both have a bright future ahead of them. He is a student at a technical college and almost ready to graduate. Kindness emanates from him. She is a tech for a sleep study company preparing to go back to college. With our new son-in-law we will also get another grandchild. He has a daughter just a couple months older than hers, our oldest grand.

So, for those of you that fell behind in our little math equation here we will have SEVEN children and SEVEN grandchildren as soon as the twins get here and daughter number two gets married. This provided that no one else gets pregnant before daughter number two gets married. This puts our family total up to 16! Can you imagine our holiday gatherings in our 1600 square-foot house with NO basement? It's not pretty people!

With these changes come new challenges. The twins that are being born this month are to our daughter that lives in southern Indiana. We are in Michigan. We already have one grandchild there that we are trying to figure out how to maintain a relationship with him, now there will be two more to keep up with. I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out what to do for him for his birthday this month. It's just in a few days, and I have no good ideas yet.

My goal is to make traditions with all the grandchildren for the holidays and their birthdays. I would like them to know what to expect from Nana and Papa. Obviously, I need to keep it simple. We're still raising children here, and now we have SEVEN grandchildren to buy for on holidays and birthdays. It is important for me to establish connections with them and for them to know who we are, like for real. I don't want it to be this abstract grandparent existence. I really desire for our grandchildren to be impacted positively knowing that their grandparents are there for them and really care about them and their futures. There is security in knowing that someone loves you and believes in you. I want us to be that anchor for them.

This year there will be much to do, much to learn, much to create, much to share, much to provide, and much love to spread around. We just need to figure out how to do it all. It is my goal to go through this transition as conscious as possible and keep it as simple as possible. Weddings, new babies, holidays and 20+ birthdays on the horizon all in the midst of our homeschooling lifestyle. Just how do we do it and stay sane? I'll let you know what I figure out and learn as I figure things out and learn them...

Baby A and Baby B!

Yes, that's right! You heard it here first. Tammi's having twins! So, for those of you that can't keep up, that means come March I will be a 38-year-old, homeschooling mom of seven that has SIX grandbabies!

We are in Michigan, and Tammi is six hours away in Indiana. So, this will be very interesting learning how to keep in touch. I'll really have to do a better job of keeping contact. I am sorely lacking in that department already with "Baby" Rocco who will be three by the time his twin siblings are born. They think it's a boy and a girl, by the way. It just gets so tricky with already having SO MANY responsibilities. Maintaining relationships with grands is extra challenging when you are still home educating. Just how many hats can one woman wear, anyway?

So, do any of you have stories about twins having twins? Yes, Tammi is one of our twins. I've tried to look Online for information, but it's not coming easily. Not to mention, my time is very limited...especially for the next month or two. The boys and I are volunteering at a seminar our church is hosting. It will be a lot of fun, but it is a big time commitment on our part. In the meantime, I look forward to hearing your stories.

Grandma at 37?

Well, I don't go by "Grandma". Our grandkids know us by "Nana" and "Papa". We wanted something a little different given the fact that we were young grandparents.

What image does the word Grandma invoke for you? Do you think something along the lines of the wonderful lady pictured here? I think that's what most people think of when they think of Grandmas.

I have news for you people! Are you ready? NEWS FLASH: NOT ALL GRANDMAS HAVE GREY HAIR AND WRINKLES! What a shocker, eh?

When I was at the grocery store the other day I heard two moms talking. They very obviously had not seen each other in a while. One was commenting to the other, "You are 37 years old, and you are a grandma?!" Seriously folks, I laughed out loud. I couldn't help myself.

I became a "Nana" at the ripe "old" age of 34! Now, at the age of 37 I have four grandchildren with another on the way. Do the math. This means at the age of 38 I will have FIVE grandchildren. Yes, it seems impossible, but it does happen.

I am not even done raising children. I commented to my husband the other day that it is seeming more and more possible that we will have more grandchildren than children before we are even done raising them. It is frightening. How does one balance the time and give enough attention to every one? Well, that's another subject for another post...

Making Memories

About a week ago, Pat and I took two of our grandchildren, Harmony and Dustin, to the Detroit Zoo along with our youngest son, Adrian. What a great time we had! It was so much fun to see the kids get excited about the animals, the fountain, and the train.

Despite the fact that it was so hot that day it was pure joy for all of us to experience elements of nature that are rare and exciting. How often do we see a flamingo or a penguin? Harmony just loved the penguins. Although, it did take her a few minutes to warm up to the reptile house.

The highlight for Dustin was the train. Oh, how he loved the train! We had a great time sharing in his joy. Isn't it fun to watch the uninhibited enthusiasm of a child? He was so excited!

Our time was maximized due to the fact that we went prepared. We all had our hats, sunscreen, and plenty of snacks and water. We had everything that we needed to stay comfortable and healthy without having to spend a ton of money while we were there. Although, since our membership does give us a discount in the gift shops, we did get the little ones a memento from the day.

Despite the fact that they are two and almost three both of the young ones remember our day at the zoo. Harmony asks if we are going to see the animals every time she comes over now. Even Adrian, 14 years old, enjoyed the day and looks forward to going back. I am sure we will see many visits to the Detroit Zoo before our pass expires next year.