Throwback Thursday

I originally published this post on July 1, 2008.  That means it has been six years, and I find myself in a similar circumstance.  At least I've grown to the point that it makes me laugh instead of cry.

Lost and Found

Well, as you know if you've read much here, our family is big. Over half of our seven children are off and on their own. In January we had an influx of kids hanging their hats here, so to speak. We had the uncomfortable task of assisting them in transitioning from one place to another on their life journey.

Anyway, in all the accommodating and moving around of things we experienced a few side effects that are just beginning to heal themselves. We keep finding remnants of those that transitioned here. I have three bags sitting in the office of said remnants waiting to be returned to their rightful owners.

The largest side-effect was the consumption of our garage by items that just seem to have planted themselves there. My big project for this summer is to go through the garage, return what is wanted by non-residents, sort and price the remaining items, and have a garage sale. Of course, we are all about simple living, therefor all remaining items will be donated to charity.

By far the most frustrating and puzzling side-effect suffered was the misplacing of my pictures from the living room. See our first set of transitioning individuals found their way to our home New Year's Eve. This means that Christmas decorations were still up, which in turn means that normal wall hangings and such were put away to allow for seasonal decorating.

You do realize that it is now almost SEVEN MONTHS since decorations came down, right? I could remember where they were before we changed everything around to accommodate unexpected residents, but where they landed after that has been a real mystery. I have searched high and low for these personal treasures.

I just love hidden blessings! We had to pull everything out of the office closet today to allow access to the space under our house for and unexpected meter reading for the city. See, here we have a water meter outside, and we have a water meter inside. Ours just happens to be located under the house in the old Michigan Basement accessed via the crawl space through the bottom of the closet. What at first seemed like a minor inconvenience became an unexpected brightener of my day.

Guess what I found? The missing pictures!!! I was SO happy. Remember, I said this was a personal treasure, right? My husband came home for lunch, as he always does, and he didn't even notice, despite that the living room finally looks all put back together! :-)

Freedom in Definition

Recently I learned that I fit into a category.  Typically I am not one for labels, but I did find this a bit interesting; even a little freeing to a certain extent.  Never in a million years could I have ever imagined all the drastic twists and turns I would travel through traversing the road of my life.  I especially could have never begun to guess that there would even be a few corkscrews along the way.  Who knew, right?

Years ago I looked forward to this stage of my life with great anticipation.  It was going to be a time to reclaim my childhood.  I would explore what it truly meant to be me.  Maybe I would volunteer full-time for a local organization I wholeheartedly believed in.  Maybe I would continue my education.  I've always wanted to learn photography "for real".  Surely I would have plenty of time to really invest in my relationship with each of my grandchildren.

The first hairpin turn was our decision to adopt.  Okay. So we're raising one kid all on his own.  So what?   We raised seven already.  What's one?  It was like a vacation those first couple years; a breath of fresh air.  Then, the best fur buddy I ever had died, we moved, and we started becoming aware that things were going to dramatically change again.

Suddenly the track shot up, the cars turned upside down, and we pulled out the other side with two more children in our car.  This meant lots of changes, big emotions, and slow adjustments for everyone.  Our slow acclimation to becoming a homeschooling family again quickly turned into a quick dive into the deep waters head first.  The water was cold and shocking, but you know the story.  We adjusted.

I have never been a traditional homeschooler.  For a while I considered myself very much an unschooler.  This time around it seemed smartest to implement a full curriculum.  We started our fully anticipating using this curriculum through graduation.  It's perfect, covers everything important to us, and takes a huge load off of my shoulders in the planning department.  As the completion of this first year started to come into view on the horizon I prepared to purchase the next level.  Well, I hesitated.  I read what was next, and I just wasn't so sure we really needed to do it that way anymore.  You see, my favorite aspect of homeschooling is FREEDOM.  I LOVE IT!!!

Spring is coming.  There is so much for us to learn together.  We will be starting seeds, planning a garden, preparing to raise animals, building structures, manicuring our woods more, landscaping, camping, and I have a TON of educational supplies already (like any good homeschooling veteran would).  So, why not use what I have?

Enter me learning exactly who I am educationally speaking.  I had to take a brief demographic survey that required me to choose specifically what type of homeschooling family we are.  I had no clue.  Like I said, I don't concern myself with labels and categories when it comes to this type of thing.  Because, in all honesty, does it really matter?  I don't think so.  However, as soon as I looked up "eclectic" and read this:

"An Eclectic Homeschooler is one who looks at the different approaches and methods of homeschooling and takes from each forming his own unique philosophy."

...I knew it defined my style exactly.  Slowly, I have determined that it is now okay to ease back into our more relaxed approach to education.  Our resident elementary student is still warming to the idea that grade level is irrelevant, and grades are arbitrary, but she's getting there.  Taking what I consider a more "whole-life" approach to education will help her to lose some more of her guard and open up to becoming a more relaxed learner.  It is exciting to me!

Yes, being eclectic means a little more work on my part, but I really think I'm ready for it now.  I have the materials at my fingertips.  I need to purchase nothing.  So, why not?  This next year is looking much more inviting to me and even a little more easy.  I have been lamenting the fact that I have two preschoolers and an elementary student; not an easy mix.  With my new found freedom it will be much easier to cater to the individual needs and interests of each child.  I like preschool.  Now, I will be able to enjoy it more.  Therefor the kids will certainly have much more fun.

Does this mean we will never use curriculum again?  I certainly have my doubts.  However, it does mean we have found our niche.  We are grabbing life by the reigns and fully embracing the family we have become.  We know who we are, and we are running with it.

Transition: A Matter of Perspective

Life has had many twists and turns over the past few years.  I find myself in a constant state of transition.  It can really be exhausting as much as it is anything else; exciting, nerve wracking, challenging, inspiring, etc.  Sometimes I wonder just how much intensity I can possibly take.  That's a dangerous thought to ponder.  You just never know what might be around the next corner.  Trust me.  Life really is a mystery.  Just when you think you might have something figured out everything changes.  I honestly don't think there is much of anything that can throw me, catch me off guard, or shock me anymore.

It's like you become seasoned experiencing so much in such a short time.  I mean, seriously, 40 years really isn't a long time at all.  Sometimes I wish we lived as long as they did in Bible times.  If you think about it, even if you lived a full 100 years it really isn't that long at all.  It takes us a good 30 or 40 years to even figure out what is really important.  Just about that time our bodies start betraying us.  I recognize that most, if not all, of our health maladies are self-inflicted through diet and lifestyle.  With the corruption of our food system and the lies we've believed about what is and is not healthy we practically have to be a private investigator just to know what we should or should not eat.  That aside, just imagine what you could accomplish if you lived to say even 300 years.  The possibilities would be limitless.

On another perspective, what if we hadn't transitioned to a work based society.  What if children still had responsibilities that made them real contributors to society?  What if we didn't base our life on artificial time lines?  What if we weren't limited by our age?  What if we grew up thinking we could do anything and those around us supported us in our ideas and explorations?  What if our society was really based on loving our neighbor?  Oh how different things could be.

With those questions in mind I have been actively transitioning my perspective.  Beauty is the simplest thing to seek on a daily basis.  So, I started there.  It really is everywhere.  I often wonder if people truly behold the beauty around them, or do they just take it for granted.  Life is way too short to take anything for granted, and the beauty around us is free for the taking.  Granted, it can be more challenging dependent upon your environment, but I have grown to believe that more depends on our perspective.  After all, we are in control of how we perceive all things.  Really, we are.

Another one I challenged myself with is the issue of being judgmental.  I made a conscious decision to stop judging others.  I mean do we ever really know the reason behind that person cutting us off on the freeway, or why the cashier at the store was rude to us?  We really do have no way of knowing why someone we don't know on any level does what they do at any given moment.  It is a choice to not take things personally and to not stand in judgement of others for any reason.  Really, it is not our place.

The most challenging transition I have been working on, and it remains unconquered for me for the time being, is learning not to base my emotions on the attitude of others.  We really can control how we react to what others do and say to us.  We do not have to meet anger with anger or spite with spite.  I am a very emotional person, and I recognize the possibility of maintaining calm in all circumstances.  It just seems so impossible to me at the moment.  Where do we draw the line?  Why do we give up so much control?  It really is up to us how we feel about the actions of others in relation to us.  Really, it is.

So, my reality is that God in his infinite wisdom finds it necessary to lay a heavy load on my shoulders.  I accept that wholeheartedly.  I do not know why, and that is okay.  However, it was suggested by a dear friend that I am such a capable person how else would God show me that I need to rely on him for all things?  There is sound wisdom in that observation.  If he didn't give me a heavy load to carry, I would likely walk easily off relying on self and forgetting that He is the source of all my strength.

I accept my burden and grasp my lessons:


Beauty is all around us and free for the taking.

     "O worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness:  fear before him, all the earth." - Psalm 96:9

I will judge no man.

     "Ye judge after the flesh; I judge no man." - John 8:15

It is up to me how I react to others.  Period.

     "She opened her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness." - Proverbs 31:26

My life may be in constant flux, and I accept the persistent presence of constant transition, but I know that my God is present in all circumstance.  I accept my burdens and my lessons and will ever rise to the challenge.  Life may beat me up, batter my bones, and drain my energy, but I will rise to the challenge with the strength of my Lord.  Above all I will do my best to honor him and reflect his love first to my family, and then to all those he puts in my path.  Life really is more beautiful with an adjusted perspective.

What a Difference a Year Makes

We just never know where our paths will lead.  I don't know about you, but for me it is like traveling around a constant bend.  The road curves ahead of you leaving just a small portion of your path in view.  What truly lies ahead remains unseen, a gift waiting to be discovered.  If we sincerely believe our steps guided and all experiences valuable then it is of no matter what remains unseen.  All that awaits is a gift if we keep our focus on things above.  Even the most seemingly negative of circumstances hold within them a gift if we are open and courageous enough to look past the surface.

I am forever thankful that I am not the one in charge of my life.  Messes are my expertise, and I do not need any more experience in the driver's seat to know that my hands may be on the wheel, but I am not the one doing the steering; that is if I remember to stay out of the way and keep a willing heart.  It is possible to drive all the while having our course be guided.  I am constantly reminded that every stop we've made along the way has brought us to where we are now.  If I had not made the choices and experienced the consequences, good and bad, of my decisions in days gone by I would not be the person that I am today.  It is certainly easy to think of the negative implications and focus on what may have been lost.  However, I choose to keep my vision on the positives and be thankful that things are as good as they are.  Sometimes our sight requires a little adjusting.  When we're hit with bigger than life events it can throw us off a bit, but constant conversation with the Creator will surely keep our paths straight; if only for a time.  And, if we're living in the present, really living in the here and now, that is all that truly matters.

This past year provided for us another big change.  Our family, the family that resides within the bounds of our home, has grown by three.  One left, one returned, and two were added.  Yup, that is huge adjustment all around for all involved.  As my last post indicated, our oldest son left home for the Navy.  He currently finds himself stationed in South Carolina.  His first visit home since leaving that day will not be until this coming October.  In November of last year two of our granddaughters came to live with us.  We didn't know it at the time, but it would be a permanent arrangement.  I became their court appointed guardians this past June.  Right on their heels in April of this year our youngest son returned home from Wayne State to secure employment and attend the local community college.

We have given hugs, said goodbye, made amends, severed ties, given flight, and created sanctuary.  There is a whole lot of emotion tied into all of that activity.  My newest revelation?  The only constant in life is change.  Learning that fact, and accepting it wholeheartedly, has given me such freedom within all that has transpired in the past nine months.  It's rather symbolic really.  Nine months.  The gestation time for human life.  It leads to a birth and loads of change.  What have we nurtured in the past nine months?  The melding of lives.  We have created another family within our already large family.  Rolling with the punches has become an area of expertise for the hubby and myself.

In 1997 we became a serious couple blending our two families together.  We gave up being single parents and learned how to open our hearts to the endless bounds of love overflowing.  Our families became one and we numbered nine.  The next milestone was 2005.  It was a year of tremendous emotion.  We lost my father to his battle with male breast cancer on April 1st, our first grandchild was born on July 24th, and we wed on September 17th.  Our lives were never the same, and we could have never imagined the journey before us.

The children aged and spread their wings, more grandchildren were born, and we were actively viewing the light at the end of the tunnel.  The time came when we could take off on a spontaneous road trip just the two of us, or hop on the motorcycle for an afternoon ride.  No worries.  We were enjoying an emptier nest.

Then we were presented with the opportunity to become parents again, and our journey went around the bend slowly revealing more and more with each step.  Avery was born in January of 2010.  Our family now numbered 10.  We sold our house in December of the same year and purchased our new home in August of 2011.  Through a lot of transition we found ourselves moving from a large family in the city to a soon-to-be parents of one young child in the country living arrangement.  Andrew went in the Navy, Adrian went to university, and Avery hung out at home with us.  We had effectively given flight to all seven children.  Raising a single child felt like a vacation.  It was fun while it lasted.

In November of 2012 the girls came to be with us, and life has forever changed again.  We are learning how to parent in yet another set of circumstances.  Our new family structure sets to remind us that love really does know no bounds, and anything is possible.  Families come in all shapes and sizes, and presumptions are a waste of time and energy.  If anyone has done the math you have now figured out that the full size of our family numbers 12; two parents, and 10 children.  In our home we currently have a variety of ages; 19, 8, 3, and 2.  (Six of the original seven are off living their adult lives.)  With such a vast range in ages comes a variety of personality types and emotions.  We are learning how to live together and thrive.  Once again we find ourselves a full-time home school family.  We kind of dove in head first.  The kids love it, and so do we.

It took a little more growth, but I can see the blessings more clearly and more quickly now.  The little road bumps in life have become more of a minor inconvenience instead of completely throwing us off track.  Even the big, orange barrels cannot put us off track for long.  The capacity of our heart is limitless if it remains always open.  I knew God led us here, and I remain immensely grateful.  Even with the chaos, the big emotions, the endless change, and all the growth there is not one place in my history that has ever felt more like home.

It is really the greatest gift ever to be where we are geographically speaking.  I love our home, our community, our family, and our friends.  The network we have here is incredible.  Each and every day, even the ones where the struggles seem to dominate, I am SO thankful for everything with which we are blessed.  I choose to see the forest for the trees.  The blessings abound!  Are you looking for yours?  Do you see them?  They ARE there!  Take another step.  A new one is sure to be just around the bend.

Friday Farmgirls: MIA

It's been so long since I've been on here that Blogger has a lot of new publishing features.  I guess I have a little to learn.  So many post ideas have come and gone through my mind over the past several months.  It is refreshing to have graduated from having "baby brain" to being able to think clearly.  If only I could write posts in my head and have them publish directly to my blog.  Then, I would surely accomplish a lot.

So much has happened while I've been MIA from here.  I really miss writing and am making baby steps in the effort to regain some order in my day.  It's kind of funny.  It had been on my To Do List for several weeks to make a daily plan in an attempt to start accomplishing something more substantial from day to day.  Well, I finally created the plan, and there it sits having not been implemented since its creation.  That will give you an idea of how things have been over the past few months.

Where do I even begin to catch you up to speed?  God blessed us with the sale of our house in December.  We actually signed the papers on December 23rd.  Quite a gift in my book!  We were able to sell on a short sale with no promissory note, free and clear, and remain in our home as renters while we look for another home.  It's amazing the way everything played out.  I still can't believe it.  Also, we didn't really take a hit on our credit.  Truly a miracle the way everything went through.  I thank God every day for the opportunity He has give us.  It just feels so freeing!

Currently, we are finally searching for our country home.  I am SO excited!  I do have to say that I have a real understanding of the term "house hunting" as you actually do feel like you are hunting.  We have been looking at literally hundreds of homes online and have walked through a few.  There are two more that we plan to view next week.  This is such an adventure.  I am constantly amazed at how something like this can so powerfully change your perspective in so many ways.

For one, I am ever amazed at the power of God to lead when you are willing to step back and allow Him room to work.  Totally powerful!  Even at home, it was super weird at first to remain living in our home of nearly 20 years knowing that we no longer owned it.  Totally bazaar.  Now, we're pretty used to the arrangement.  The way I look at everything has changed; the blooms on the lilac bush at the start of spring, the tree that died on the boulevard, the broken awning on the back deck, the creaking in the upstairs floor, the ants that have taken up residence in my kitchen.  Everything, somehow, has taken on a new pallor.   It's nice to step back and allow myself to soak in my surroundings and relish the final moments in the home where we raised five our our children to adulthood, raised two to near adulthood, and welcomed a new child into the fold.  Not to mention the countless family gatherings, birthday parties, and other celebrations, the family nights, pizza parties, and game nights, the tears, the victories, conquered fears, and family dinners.  Our world is indeed changing.

Although it may have appeared that my life stopped as I remained MIA from The Zoo Crew reality is a whole different story.  Life has been changing at warp speed.  I have been experiencing a metamorphosis of sorts.  Let's just say that God finally got my attention on a very key component of my life.  For many years I have held dreams in my heart of working with teens, traveling within the U.S. to work with under privileged youth and families, visiting India and Bolivia where I sponsor children through Compassion and doing mission work there, volunteering in my community, and holding positions at church working with the youth.  These are all worthy aspirations, and I have done a few, but God keeps pointing me home, even after years and years of my inattention to His leading He persisted.  Now, I listened, and you just cannot imagine the freedom and peace that have followed.  My mind is clear and uncluttered, and there is so much more of me available for those I love.  My calling is my family, and I am finally listening.  All of my "hats" have officially been hung to rest.  Now, my only titles are Mom, Nana, Wife, and Child of God.  It feels amazing!

All of this, I believe, is preparing me for the next phase of life.  There will be so many new things to learn.  I have been a city girl with a heart for the country my entire life.  I have finally gotten out of the way, and God is leading me home.  It is SO exciting!  I find myself pondering the differences and what might lie in store.  The most obvious one for me aside from the slower pace of life will be the amount of grass that needs cutting during the summer months.  It's almost comical.  Our lawn is so small that it takes maybe 10 minutes to cut, and I am 100% certain that will not be the case in our new home.  Plus, there will be room and time for gardening and preserving food.  This will involve plenty of trial and error to be sure.  Then, there will be the totally different experience of raising a boy in the country as opposed to the seven other children that were fully raised in the city.  Talk about different worlds!  There is also the possibility of raising some type of farm animal along the way and involvement in 4-H, which totally intrigues me.  Then there's the different sounds, energy levels, and a more silent home as the final two of our "second batch" of children spread their wings and enter adulthood.  So much change is afoot!

Friday Farm Girl: Putting Up Food

I thought I had this summer all figured out. My big plans, you ask? Visiting the local farmer's market, loading up on local wares, and putting them up. Sounds easy, right? Well, apparently not. If the last several summers have taught me anything it is to not make plans for my "free time" in the summer. No matter how simple I think my intentions might be they become monumental when the time approaches. Apparently I forgot to read the memo reminding me of just how much work it is having a baby around, especially when they go through the phase of their world revolving around everything mommy. Need I remind you that I am mommy in this scenario, and it's been about 16 years since I've been so doted upon by a little one? Needless to say, I forgot just how much work it really is.

Raising this new little one in my current familial situation puts me in a position to stand in awe of my grandmother. How on earth did farm moms ever do it? Call me crazy, I'd still have rather lived then. Sure it was hard work, but they were home; plain and simple. They were not chauffeurs. They were not caregivers to their grandchildren. Their role was well defined, and they were integral to the family unit. The harder I work to put myself in that position the more impossible it seems at times.

Even though I am donning the new hat of "new mother", I have also managed to shed myself of a few. I no longer sport "homeschooling mom" or "reviewer for TOS Homeschool Crew". The two hats kind of went hand in hand. Though I am saddened to see these doors close, I am excited about the options that lay before me. You wouldn't believe how often I have to slap my own hand from grabbing up more hats to fill their place. Am I crazy? If it's the slow-paced, focused lifestyle of days gone by I am seeking, why on earth do I keep trying to fill up all of my time? I am beginning to think that being overbooked, stressed out, and taken for granted is the plight of the modern mom. I am fighting it kicking and screaming, and I have to kick myself now and again just to stay on track.

Life has handed us a lot lately. We are steadily moving toward selling our home. I really believe this a true gift of God. There are times when this deal should have fell to certain demise, but it just keeps moving forward. As each day goes by it becomes more and more possible that the time will come for us to seek out a small plot of country land to call our own. Oh, what a dream come true that would be.

It is my prayer that country living will remove some of the burden from my husband as well. As some of you likely know, we own a local transmission repair facility, and my husband is a workaholic. He is definitely "old school" when it comes to his work ethic. If he got nothing else from his father he got that. This man pushes himself so much. Well, last week we had a little scare. Despite our lack of health insurance and my husband's machismo, I rushed him to the ER with severe chest pain. Praise God he is okay and did not require a heart catheterization. However, we do believe that he did suffer a mild heart attack. This was a big wake-up call for both of us, and he is now trying to restructure the business taking some burden off of himself. How rejuvenating would it be to have a leisurely drive home each night and pull into a land full of trees and free of traffic noise? We are taking things one step at a time and moving as we feel led. Even though things are not for sure it is difficult to not get at least a little bit excited.

We are also adjusting to not finding ourselves in the ranks of homeschooling families any longer. My last school age son enrolled in a local arts academy about three weeks ago. He loves it, and I am so happy for him. Just two more years, and we will no longer have any kids in high school. Our next oldest is 18 and is in the local community college. He is taking a small handful of classes while he decides if the Navy is right for him. Lately he has been exploring the idea of becoming a pastor. Who knew? We just never know where our children may be led. What fun it is traveling this leg of their life journey with them. After the 16 year old graduates we will have a nice break with no one in grade school. AMEN!

Well, even though I do not have neat rows of pickles, beets, applesauce, and pears lining my shelves, I did manage to get some food put up in the freezer. I even made a little bit of food specifically for the baby.

So, as you can see life has had it's twists and turns for us over the summer months. The good thing is that we are still moving forward. Things are in progress, and life doesn't look like we planned it, but that is very okay with me. I am so glad to not be the one in control. One can only wonder what next summer may bring. Where will we be living? Who will be doing what? Will there be any beautiful rows of canned goods on my shelves? What shelves will they be?

To learn more about Friday Farm Girl visit: Illinois Lori