Mourning - A Path Diverted

It's been said in a circle or two of my closest friends and family that if we knew what we were getting into when we got married there'd be far less married couples in the world.  The business of carrying on a healthy relationship with anyone over the course of a lifetime is a challenge to say the least.  Not to mention the complexities of the baggage we bring to the partnership and the reality of living in the same home, sharing the same bed in the same room day after day, night after night, week after week, month after month, year after year, and even decade after decade.  Getting along with someone, anyone, in those circumstances over that period of time seems darned near impossible.  Some of us succeed, but many of us fail, and plenty of us are just crazy enough to try multiple times.

I'm going to step out on a limb here and say that, if we are really honest with ourselves, the very same thing could easily be said about having children.  Don't get me wrong.  I love my children; all 10 of them.  However, this parenting thing isn't really turning out the way I envisioned it at all.  The one thing I could have never prepared for is the potential heart break.  I can say without hesitation that raising children has caused me more heartbreak than any relationship I've ever had in my entire life, and I've had some pretty devastating experiences in my lifetime; in my short 44 year lifetime, that is.  I can only imagine what I will have to share if I am fortunate enough to make it another 44 years on this planet.  I'm almost frightened of what I might have to share. 

I have a new found respect for my elders.  That is without question.  I respect the challenges faced to earn wisdom, and I respect that it quite certainly came through painful experience.  Wisdom is rarely gained easily.  More often the most valuable experiences come at the greatest cost.  True, valuable life lessons are not easily won.  We must work hard, be brave, and appreciate the value of failure in order to truly grow as individuals.  There are no guarantees.  There is no "magic" formula for the perfect family.  We can seemingly do everything right and come up with negative outcomes.  Conversely, we can do everything inherently wrong and come up with positive outcomes.  It's just the reality of living and loving.  Failure, despite our best efforts, is always a real possibility.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, 

though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, 

though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 

yet I will rejoice in the Lord, 

I will be joyful in God my Savior.  

The Sovereign Lord is my strength; 

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, 

he enables me to go on the heights."  

~ Habakkuk 3:17-19

What is failure?  Failure is defined in two ways.  One - lack of success.  Two - the omission of expected or required action.  When we begin our journey as a parent we are so optimistic and hopeful.  We imagine great things for our children, and we pull out all the stops to assist them in achieving success; whatever that may look like.  It never dawns on us that things may not turn out as we expect.  What do you mean my child may not be successful?  What do you mean we may experience life altering, heart breaking, mind blowing circumstances that forever alter the course of our lives and the lives of our children?

Somewhere along the way we realize that we are not the only influence in our children's lives.  We are not the only guiding force.  We are not the only ones sharing wisdom and providing guidance to our children; both wise and not so wise.  Our children are not the only ones learning lessons.  As parents we will be learning some big lessons on the heels of the choices of our children.  Our lives will never fully be the same, and we have no way of anticipating just what our existence will look like after 15 or 20 or 30 years of being a parent.  

"A foolish son is a grief to his father 

and bitterness to her who bore him."

~ Proverbs 17:25

No one ever tells us just how hard it is to usher these young people into adulthood.  No one tells us the power they have to just shatter every perception we ever had about parenthood and relating to our offspring.  No one ever tells us the amount of sleep we'll lose, not when they're young and require more hands on parenting, but when they are older and require more hands off parenting.  Only an experienced parent knows that the newborn stage is the easiest it will ever be, and can speak so with gut wrenching honesty.  The challenges only increase over time.

Don't get me wrong.  It's not all bumps and bruises and tears.  There are times of joy and celebration.  It isn't the same for everyone.  Maybe your joys far outweigh your sorrows.  Praise God!  However, there are those of us that experience more challenging seasons; more winters than summers.  Some of us get rocked by the stormy seas more than we sail on the calm waters.  That's just life, and it really is normal; maybe more so than we'd care to admit.

I think it's safe to say that real life, for the vast majority of us, is not the sum of our well orchestrated Facebook and blog posts.  Real life is messy.  There is pain; more than we ever thought possible.  In real life we mourn a lot more than we share.  We mourn in ways we never dreamed. like the loss of a child that is still living, or the shattering of lifelong ambitions at the hands of the poor decisions of our children.  Nothing can prepare us for these things in life, but love can sustain us.  Hope can lift our spirits and strengthen our hearts to persist for another day.  Faith CAN move a mountain, and we can find joy within the trials, even when they belt us one after the other.

Sometimes it is difficult to maintain perspective when we are thrown blow after blow after blow after gut pounding blow.  We don't always feel like picking ourselves up, and it may even take us longer than we imagined to pull ourselves off the floor and rise again to face another day.  When we put our faith in God and truly learn how to hand over our burdens, then we can embrace our reality more openly.  We can take the bad with the bad and find that little bit of good to focus our attention and energy.  There is not a moment we are alone in our struggles, even when we can't necessarily feel it.

Here are some bible verses that encourage me.  Maybe they will bring you a bit of peace as well.

"He gives strength to the weary 

and increases the power of the weak."

~ Isiah 40:29

"My soul is weary with sorrow; 

strengthen me according to your word."

~ Psalm 119:28

"Finally, be strong in the Lord 

and in his mighty power."

~ Ephesians 6:10

"God is our refuge and strength, 

an ever present help in trouble."

~ Psalm 46:1

"As you do not know the path of the wind, 

or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, 

so you cannot understand the work of God, 

the maker of all things."

~ Ecclesiastes 11:5

"Just as a father has compassion on his children, 

so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him."

~ Psalm 103:13

I Love John Rosemond!

Okay, I love my husband a lot more, and love might be too strong of a word, but I do have a great respect for Dr. Rosemond.  He is a breath of fresh air to this couple right here.  We both enjoyed listening to him very much at the GHC convention in Cincinnati.  I thought it might be fun to revisit my notes and share with you what I learned.

Dr. Rosemond is very easy to listen to.  He is matter of fact and quite funny.  At the end of each seminar he left us wanting more; not that his talk was missing anything, just that he was that enjoyable to listen to.  My husband and I both agreed that we could have listened to him well into the night.

We feel challenged by the ideas of Dr. Rosemond.  His insight is well founded and spot on.  With his help, we traveled back several decades to the 1950's, and beyond, where he reminded us of the parenting styles of our mothers and grandmothers.  One thought that stuck with me is, "My mother expected me to pay attention to her."  Why, yes.  Yes she did!  His charge is that today's mother pays too much attention to her children, and that attention has profoundly negative effects on the very children we are so desperately trying to positively influence.

Based on his education in psychology and his own experience as a parent, Dr. Rosemond contends that this parental shift of sorts happened in the 1960's when parents quit listening to and learning from their elders in regard to parenting their own children.  Rather, they started listening to the flawed advice of psychologists and so called professionals.  From that point forward the behavior of our children has disintegrated, and our stress level has sky rocketed.  Today's mom has the bar raised so high that she can never achieve the standards she's set for herself, but she wears herself out to no end trying.  I have to admit my guilt in this one.  I have tortured myself day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, and even decade after decade trying so desperately to learn the best way to parent my children without messing them up too much.  What a daunting task it has been at times!

Dr. Rosemond contends that today's mother works much harder than the mothers of decades past while she raises half the children her grandmother did.  It's really ridiculous if you stop and think about it, and think about it I have.  My husband and I had already been pondering some of these things.  We just hadn't found our way quite to the level Dr. Rosemond took us.  One thing that always bothered me was the level of effort we put forth to extract obedience from our children; never mind the multitudes of failures in this department over the years.  I had already been discussing this with my husband.  Don't get me wrong.  I wasn't a perfect kid.  I made some terrible mistakes growing up, but for the most part I did what I was told when I was asked to do something.  My mom didn't have to fight with me to do my part around the house.  I knew what was expected, and I did it.  There were no chore charts, no allowance, and rarely a remind.  She never had to correct how I folded the towels or go behind me because I missed the corners when I dusted.  There was no reminder to put the milk back in the refrigerator, and she didn't have to remove something from the cupboard due to me putting it in the wrong place.  It didn't happen.  I was taught how to do things right and to do it right the first time.  There were no battles.  I've never been able to understand why I wasn't able to pull that level of efficiency off with our own children.  I always chalked it up to being a combined family.  Now, I would have to say that would be incorrect.

Another thing that really stood out to me is the point Dr. Rosemond made about his mom spending time with her friends and what they did, or didn't, talk about.  He shared that he had asked his mother what she used to talk about with her girlfriends when he was a kid.  Guess what?  It was everything BUT him!  I know I have personally spent a lot of time talking with trusted individuals about my parenting challenges over the years.  Moms of the past did no such thing.  They didn't talk about their children.  Instead, the talked about their interests and how they were spending their time.  They were INTERESTING!  Are you interesting?  I know I am not so interesting, and it has been a struggle of my heart.  I have been frustrated very much in this department for quite some time.  I am so wrapped up in my children that there is NO time for ME.  I have felt lost in parenthood for many years now.  A couple of years ago I was just glimpsing the illusion of freedom, and it did feel good, then we became parents of three instead of one.  (For those of you that are unfamiliar, we had already raised seven children when we adopted one more.  Then, we also became parents to two of our grandchildren unexpectedly.  Vacation over!  LOL)  I say illusion, because I really didn't know that I was my own gate keeper.

This idea ties into another area of discussion between the husband and myself, freedom for the kids.  Dr. Rosemond hit on this as well.  Kids NEED time that is unstructured.  In today's society we are SO structured with an abundance of activities.  We cart kids from one thing to the next, and they rarely have time all to themselves.  One thing I have known for a long time is that kids actually NEED to get bored.  Boredom does breed creativity.  My conclusion?  If we actually allow our children unstructured time to explore, play, and just be children, then we mothers will have plenty of time to explore, play, and just be ourselves.  We can take off our hats and truly be who we are.  We CAN be interesting!  We do not need to be so wrapped up in the lives of our children that we cannot do anything relevant to ourselves.  Seriously!  If we do not make it a point to be interesting and be MORE than mothers to our children our children WILL view us as dispensers of entitlements.  This, dear friend, is a fact.  I have seen it plain and simple in our family as well as the families of those near and dear to my heart.

How do you feel when I make this statement?  "Children should be seen, and not heard."  It used to ruffle my feathers.  Now, I view it in a totally different light.  I love including children in conversation, but there is a distinct line that has been muddied over the decades of degradation.  Though the aforementioned statement may seem blunt and harsh to we parents of today, there is a value in the philosophy that has been going right over our heads.  It may be even more relevant to those of us that are homeschoolers.  When children are "seen, and not heard" they are cast in the role of the student.  The distinction between adult and child becomes clear, and children are effectively taught to become adults.

We, my husband I, are still learning how to be effective parents in our home.  Raising seven children in the circumstances that we did taught us a lot.  It laid the foundation for us to be capable of raising the children currently in our charge.  Our hearts and minds have never been more open to the prompting of God, especially with regard to the care and keeping of children.  I know what I have shared my strike a nerve with some of you.  However, when I am completely honest with myself I am acutely aware of the way things have degraded within our society.  I believe in the Biblical principles as the foundation for family, and I am constantly working toward understanding what the Bible has to say and how to apply it to my life.  I long for a self-sufficient life for my children based on Godly principles and Biblical virtues.  With this in mind I will continue to educate myself, keep my heart open to the prompting of God, and share with others what I learn along the way.  Over the coming months I will continue to share on this and related subjects.  I hope the things God has put on my heart with challenge your thinking as well as encourage you along your own personal journey with your Creator, your family, yourself, and your community.

Behold the Power

One of the most powerful books I have ever read, more than once, is The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian.  If your marriage is anything at all like mine you have weathered a storm or two, or fifty, as a married couple.  I don't think I've ever felt more helpless than when my husband is struggling on a deep and personal level.  How this book crossed my path I am unsure, but I am forever thankful.

Personally, I believe there no more powerful tool at our disposal than prayer, and I hold it as a treasured gift.  It is unclear to me how I ever made it as far as I did before I ever discovered the power of prayer within my own life.  I do, however, attribute my survival to my dedicated and prayerful grandmother, among other caring family members.  Prayer is our direct connection to God; our family tie if you will.  There is no better place to focus our time and energy than with our relationship with the Father.

I have felt compelled to pick up this wonderful tool once again.  Initially I was just going to access the prayers, as they are powerful in and of themselves.  So much so that they have now published the prayers separately for quick reference.  However, it has been about a year now that life fully knocked us off our feet, and my time with the Creator has suffered.  Inadvertently so has my marriage relationship.  It's no surprise, really, when time is of a premium.  There are only so many hours in a day, and some things take longer to bounce back from than others.  When life throws you a curve ball sometimes it hits you square between the eyes!  It can take some time to focus past the stars circling your head.

In the past year we have welcomed two new young ones into our fold, settled more fully into our county home, experienced the re-entrance and exit of our college age son to and from our home - leaving a huge wake that we are still recovering from, and severed some pretty strong family ties.  There is a lot of emotional energy that was expended through these huge life events right at a time when we were expecting to experience a more laid back way of life.  Then, of course there's more, you add on a struggling business just to frost that tasty life cake, and you've got one sweet concoction sitting right in the middle of your dining room table.  It's a cake I'd rather toss in the trash than indulge in, but alas it is our lot to eat every last bite.

Here in lies the choice.  Will every bite be bitter and hard to swallow, or will we find the sweetness that lies within?  Enter The Power of a Praying Wife.  Past experience has taught me that when my mind is focused on my relationship above, and my relationships with those near and dear, the bites I do have to swallow taste all the more sweet.  When I choose to start my day with prayer, especially prayer focused on my most important relationship, the day goes by much more smoothly than when I neglect to do so.  Today I choose to focus on the most important things.  Today I begin with focused prayer for my husband.

"Through wisdom a house is built, 

and by understanding it is established; 

by knowledge the rooms are filled 

with all precious and pleasant riches."

~ Proverbs 24:3,4

I Should be Cleaning, or Should I?

There was a time when the current state of my house would have unnerved me to the point that I could accomplish nothing before tending to the domestic duties loudly calling my name.  Over the years I have learned that there are many more things that have a much higher importance than a home so clean it could grace the pages of Better Homes and Gardens magazine.  Does that mean that I like a messy house?  Absolutely not!  I function best in a home that is orderly and clean.  However, life is messy, time is limited, and kids are only young for so long.  Then, it's over.  Children graduate, and as time frees up the house gets cleaner.

The part that was most challenging for me is that I had a small taste of freedom, and a near perfectly clean home was my norm.  In a way I do miss that.  Who wouldn't?  We raised seven children to adulthood.  We have 12 grandchildren and one more on the way.  We were shifting gears where our focus would be more off our children and more on ourselves and our grandchildren.  It was a welcome change of pace.

Then, we were thrown our first curve ball.  It's one we're ever thankful we caught!  Thanks to that unexpected jag in the road we now find ourselves proud parents of a soon to be four-year-old.  After seven children raising one was like a vacation...seriously.  Life was still slow paced, and we were taking time to smell the roses, and the scent of a very comfortably clean home.  Active homeschooling was still years in the future.  This was our time.

Enter curve ball number two, and three if you will.  Apparently, God has a lot of confidence in our ability to rear children.  We now find ourselves the proud parents of an eight-and-a-half-year-old, and a soon to be three-year-old.  Biologically they are our grandchildren, but legally we are their guardians.  We now find ourselves neck deep in homeschooling, and child rearing.  Thankfully, we are entering the other side of potty training.  (Two at once I might add!)  Through their presence in our lives God has been teaching me what is truly most important in life.

News flash!

Having  a spotless home is not even in the top 10.  Who knew?  (Yes, I am saying this tongue-in-cheek.)

These past few months have been extremely stressful for our family.  More stressful even than becoming a teen mother.  (I'll save that story another time.)  But, seriously, I never thought anything could ever top that.  Welcome to adulthood, a full contact sport!  The girls have now been with us a full year, and our family experienced some boat rocking that unsettled us all for a bit.  We're now coming out the other side, and recovery is taking some time.  Schedules have been thrown off, and many messes have been made.  We're working on finding our center again.

With the inclusion of two new young souls in our home there came a lot of lessons to learn.  Most of them had to do with ourselves.  You know?  The you that exists deep down inside.  For me, the current state of my home would always dictate a lot in my life.  It dictated how I felt about myself.  It would dictate to me my success or failure as a wife and mother.  It dictated to me whether or not I had time to spend with my children.  It dictated to me when I got up in the morning and went to bed at night.  It dictated to me whether or not I had company.  That's a whole lot of control to give to a house.

So, I took it back!

Now, my children come first.  The dishes can wait.  When my friends come over they may see a basket of laundry around, the counter may have dirty dishes stacked on it, the family room will surely be littered with toys, and in all likelihood my floors will be in need of a good sweeping.  Be sure to help yourself to the broom in the corner.  (wink-wink)  However, my perspective has changed.  I can look at my messy house and tell that I have been making time for things that matter for eternity, not just the moment.  I no longer get up early to sweep the floors, or pick up the family room.  If this mamma rises before the sun it's to spend time with her creator, and maybe throw another log on the fire.  I don't even sweep up the wood mess right away.  Gasp!  Now, I can look at my messy home, especially when it's a little past lived-in, and see that I have been up to something good.  I am investing my time in what matters most.  That makes everything sparkle!

My List of Top 10 Things MORE Important than a Clean House:

10.  A Happy House
  9.  A Healthy Family
  8.  A Means of Supporting our Family
  7.  Fresh Air, and Time to Enjoy It
  6.  Freedom to Home Educate
  5.  Freedom to Worship
  4.  Time with Friends
  3.  Time with Children
  2.  Time with My Husband
  1.  Time with God

Those are things that surely matter most.

What a Difference a Year Makes

We just never know where our paths will lead.  I don't know about you, but for me it is like traveling around a constant bend.  The road curves ahead of you leaving just a small portion of your path in view.  What truly lies ahead remains unseen, a gift waiting to be discovered.  If we sincerely believe our steps guided and all experiences valuable then it is of no matter what remains unseen.  All that awaits is a gift if we keep our focus on things above.  Even the most seemingly negative of circumstances hold within them a gift if we are open and courageous enough to look past the surface.

I am forever thankful that I am not the one in charge of my life.  Messes are my expertise, and I do not need any more experience in the driver's seat to know that my hands may be on the wheel, but I am not the one doing the steering; that is if I remember to stay out of the way and keep a willing heart.  It is possible to drive all the while having our course be guided.  I am constantly reminded that every stop we've made along the way has brought us to where we are now.  If I had not made the choices and experienced the consequences, good and bad, of my decisions in days gone by I would not be the person that I am today.  It is certainly easy to think of the negative implications and focus on what may have been lost.  However, I choose to keep my vision on the positives and be thankful that things are as good as they are.  Sometimes our sight requires a little adjusting.  When we're hit with bigger than life events it can throw us off a bit, but constant conversation with the Creator will surely keep our paths straight; if only for a time.  And, if we're living in the present, really living in the here and now, that is all that truly matters.

This past year provided for us another big change.  Our family, the family that resides within the bounds of our home, has grown by three.  One left, one returned, and two were added.  Yup, that is huge adjustment all around for all involved.  As my last post indicated, our oldest son left home for the Navy.  He currently finds himself stationed in South Carolina.  His first visit home since leaving that day will not be until this coming October.  In November of last year two of our granddaughters came to live with us.  We didn't know it at the time, but it would be a permanent arrangement.  I became their court appointed guardians this past June.  Right on their heels in April of this year our youngest son returned home from Wayne State to secure employment and attend the local community college.

We have given hugs, said goodbye, made amends, severed ties, given flight, and created sanctuary.  There is a whole lot of emotion tied into all of that activity.  My newest revelation?  The only constant in life is change.  Learning that fact, and accepting it wholeheartedly, has given me such freedom within all that has transpired in the past nine months.  It's rather symbolic really.  Nine months.  The gestation time for human life.  It leads to a birth and loads of change.  What have we nurtured in the past nine months?  The melding of lives.  We have created another family within our already large family.  Rolling with the punches has become an area of expertise for the hubby and myself.

In 1997 we became a serious couple blending our two families together.  We gave up being single parents and learned how to open our hearts to the endless bounds of love overflowing.  Our families became one and we numbered nine.  The next milestone was 2005.  It was a year of tremendous emotion.  We lost my father to his battle with male breast cancer on April 1st, our first grandchild was born on July 24th, and we wed on September 17th.  Our lives were never the same, and we could have never imagined the journey before us.

The children aged and spread their wings, more grandchildren were born, and we were actively viewing the light at the end of the tunnel.  The time came when we could take off on a spontaneous road trip just the two of us, or hop on the motorcycle for an afternoon ride.  No worries.  We were enjoying an emptier nest.

Then we were presented with the opportunity to become parents again, and our journey went around the bend slowly revealing more and more with each step.  Avery was born in January of 2010.  Our family now numbered 10.  We sold our house in December of the same year and purchased our new home in August of 2011.  Through a lot of transition we found ourselves moving from a large family in the city to a soon-to-be parents of one young child in the country living arrangement.  Andrew went in the Navy, Adrian went to university, and Avery hung out at home with us.  We had effectively given flight to all seven children.  Raising a single child felt like a vacation.  It was fun while it lasted.

In November of 2012 the girls came to be with us, and life has forever changed again.  We are learning how to parent in yet another set of circumstances.  Our new family structure sets to remind us that love really does know no bounds, and anything is possible.  Families come in all shapes and sizes, and presumptions are a waste of time and energy.  If anyone has done the math you have now figured out that the full size of our family numbers 12; two parents, and 10 children.  In our home we currently have a variety of ages; 19, 8, 3, and 2.  (Six of the original seven are off living their adult lives.)  With such a vast range in ages comes a variety of personality types and emotions.  We are learning how to live together and thrive.  Once again we find ourselves a full-time home school family.  We kind of dove in head first.  The kids love it, and so do we.

It took a little more growth, but I can see the blessings more clearly and more quickly now.  The little road bumps in life have become more of a minor inconvenience instead of completely throwing us off track.  Even the big, orange barrels cannot put us off track for long.  The capacity of our heart is limitless if it remains always open.  I knew God led us here, and I remain immensely grateful.  Even with the chaos, the big emotions, the endless change, and all the growth there is not one place in my history that has ever felt more like home.

It is really the greatest gift ever to be where we are geographically speaking.  I love our home, our community, our family, and our friends.  The network we have here is incredible.  Each and every day, even the ones where the struggles seem to dominate, I am SO thankful for everything with which we are blessed.  I choose to see the forest for the trees.  The blessings abound!  Are you looking for yours?  Do you see them?  They ARE there!  Take another step.  A new one is sure to be just around the bend.

Waiting for the Bloom

  

It's been a while since I've participated in Friday Farm Girls, and I did miss it.  Thank you to Illinois Lori from Serenity in the Suburbs for resurrecting this old project of hers.  It really does bring me great pleasure to document our progress from finding the bits of country within our small city space to actually creating a life in the country.  Yes, I am officially a Farm Girl now.  Well, sort of.  

In August of 2011 we purchased 11 acres in SE Michigan.  It's like moving to another world.  Our home for the past 15 years, and the only way of life we'd ever known, was located in a very urban suburb of Detroit.  It was my next to youngest son that opened my eyes to the nature that existed around us and made my existence in the city much more bearable.  See?  I always wanted to live in the country.  Our 'Five Year Plan' turned into a '15 Year Plan', and this meant I had to deal with some emotions along the way.  It was only after I accepted where I was, made it home, and stepped out of the way that God was able to do amazing things in our life.

Anyone that's visited The Zoo Crew any number of times knows the journey we've been on.  We are a combined family of now eight children.  We came together as a blended family with seven children never imagining there would be an 'ours' in the future.  Well, surprise, surprise!  We adopted Avery and brought him home from the hospital in January of 2010.  Essentially, we are starting family life all over.  We actually get to raise one, at least one, child in the setting and the fashion we always dreamed of with the others.  It is an amazing gift that I am so thankful for.  

You see?  I never wanted to raise children in the city.  Something within the core of my being told me that I needed to be in the country; my family needed the country.  For whatever reason that was not to be, until now. It's almost like getting a second chance at life.  I am quite certain I would have been more physically up for the challenge at 27 than 41, but you'll hear no complaints here.  There is a big blessing going into it with the love and appreciation I now hold based on my personal experience to this point.  Now is a time of discovery in so many ways.

We have done so many things already in the eight months we've been here.  Time is flying by, and we are setting our priorities.  The property we bought was lacking just two things that I can tell.  One is a barn, and two is proper care.  We intend to provide both.  Our first really big project will come this summer.  We are preparing to erect a pole barn.  This has been such a long process already.  We're hoping to see it come to fruition by the end of July.  We'll see how that works out.  If I've learned only one thing in the process called living it is to be flexible and not hold too tightly onto expectations.

Here is a little glimpse into our new world and some of the projects we have done on our land already:

 Re-roof shed and lean-to as well as animal structure not pictured.

 Remove shrubs and old porch to create new covered porch.
 (Time to take an after picture.)

 Purchased a 'new to us' tractor for all our many projects to come.

Had a double semi load of wood delivered.  It's enough wood to heat    our home for about four years.  This will give us time to manage our property, harvest downed trees, and give them time to season.

The inner pile was as large as the outer.  That's how much we got  chopped and stacked so far.

Cleaned up the overgrown hedgerow of lilacs.  This involved removing two trees and a huge bush.  You can see how wet the ditch was.  It drains nicely and stays relatively dry now.

 Working on the hedgerow.







We cleared this area of all undergrowth.  We are currently preparing it as our first planting bed.  I added a Flowering Almond, two butterfly bushes, and two blueberry bushes so far.  Still lots to do here!

Paid to have the wood pile moved by a local man with a bigger tractor. Now there's room to prepare for the pole barn.

Planted six trees.  This is the Jane Magnolia I've always wanted.  We laid Gypsy to rest underneath the tree.  She was my awesome dog of nearly 15 years that passed right during our move.

As I take the time to get to know our new space on Earth I am finding that I am learning a new lesson.  There is joy in the waiting.  Spring is a time of discovery, and since this is our first spring on this piece of land, everything is a new discovery.  How exciting is that?

We moved here in the fall when everything was doing what it does to get ready for winter.  It wasn't long before the fall blooms faded, and the leaves fell from the trees.  The landscape changed.  Most things living went into hibernation, and so did we in a way of sorts.  We slowed down.  Inside and outside work ceased. No more remodeling, no more big outdoor chores.  The most labor intensive thing we did was stack wood, and we even got a lot of slack on that this time thanks to the incredibly mild winter we had here in SE Michigan.  It was a time of waiting, planning, and getting comfortable in our new surroundings.  We had never lived anywhere else together.  This was a huge undertaking in many ways.

As the weather has begun to give glimpses of summer we have made our way outside.  We have discovered so many things on our land in these few months.  We've learned to be patient and see what things growing do without disturbing them, if we're uncertain as to what they are.  Our curiosity has been renewed.  It is a constant joy to get to know all the living things on our land, plant and animal alike.  We have quite the bunny population explosion going on now, too!  I've discovered where the Chickadees live, and they even built a nest under the roof of our new porch.  I am hoping to have one feed from my hand this summer.  How cool would that be?

Great, beautiful things can happen when we get out of the way and allow ourselves to be guided by something bigger than ourselves.  Some things take longer than others.  Waiting is so important.  Everything worthwhile takes time.  Fall mums are a good example.  In the spring they sure don't look like much.  They're just dead sticks poking out of the ground, if you've not cleared them away the fall before.  I don't know how many times my hubby asked me, "Are you sure they'll grow back?"  I had to reassure him constantly so that he didn't destroy the area where they were growing.  The other day I got to point out to him that they were indeed coming back.  They're barely an inch tall now, but they'll be over a foot in the fall and full of blooms.  Just like they are supposed to be.  Everything blooms in it's time.  Us included.

There are a few bunches of greenery on our property that I have been anxiously awaiting to find out what they are.  Something inside of me just knew they were flowers, even though they didn't look like much.  I pointed them out to the hubby so he didn't destroy them in his endeavors.  He has a knack for doing just that.  Thankfully, we've gotten pretty good at communicating with each other about these things over the years, and he will actually seek me out when it comes to all things growing.  It's just not his department, and he's devastated me enough times over the years wiping out something I've been growing.  Purple Irises come to mind, but that's another story.  Anyway, just about the time I was about to give up the notion that my instincts were correct, and accept that maybe this greenery really wasn't a flower after all, something changed.  Buds appeared on the tips.  I knew it!  The greenery was set to produce flowers, but when?  More waiting.  And, then...

Gorgeous, or what?  Now, I believe this little beauty was worth the wait.  I have a few bunches of them on the property, and I am so thankful.  There wasn't much of the way of landscaping present on our property, so I really have my work cut out for me.  See?  I enjoy growing flowers and produce.  I am so excited to have enough land to actually grow fruit in addition to vegetables.  We have a ton of brambles on the property that I believe to be raspberries, we have a small patch of strawberries given to me by our old neighbor, and there are several fruit trees on the property.  The trees will require some attention, and it will likely be a couple of years before we can really get them to produce usable fruit due to their neglect and the dramatic overgrowth of the plants around them.  In addition to what already existed, I added two blueberry bushes and a cherry tree.  So exciting!

All of these different things, the Lilac Row that needed tending, the Fall Mums, the Brambles, the Fruit Trees, the Mystery Plants yet to be discovered for what they are, and the new goodies we planted recently, all of these things will bloom in their own time.  What a beautiful lesson.  

The Lilac Row needed our help.  We cleaned up the mess, set them free, and got out of their way so they could bloom where they are planted.  

The Fall Mums require no attention.  They are content to do their own thing, and when the time is right, they too, will bloom where they are planted.  

The Brambles have been there for at least decades, I am sure, maybe even longer.  They need no help from me to grow and produce fruit.  Sure, a little tending here and there may help produce better fruit, but the plant intrinsically knows what to do all on its own.  

The Fruit Trees require some assistance, so we will clear their trunks, and set them free from the encroaching wilderness so that they can get the nutrients they need and put their energy into producing an abundance of fruit for a fall harvest.  

The Mystery Plants are content just as they are.  No help is needed from me, but I have no problem relocating them to a new location in order to save them from destruction or allow them to shine more brightly and better share their beauty.

The new goodies require extra attention because they are young and fragile.  They need protection and the proper care to grow into strong, thriving plants that produce their own respective blooms and fruit.

Each and every living thing on our land is unique.  It has it's own personal history.  It's own journey, so to speak.  Each one requiring it's own special amount and type of care to reach it's full potential.  If it is too crowded its blooms will be less abundant and not as easily seen.  However, given the proper care and the right amount of space each one will shine in its own special way.

Oh, how we can learn so much about ourselves and those around us if only we pay close attention to what the things of nature teach us.  God is in the details.  His lessons are everywhere.  If only we learn to take the time to pay attention and take in what is all around us.  Wait patiently for the blooms.  They all open in their own time.

"Bloom where you are planted, and encourage others to do so as well."

I Corinthians 7:17-24

Enjoy Being a Parent

I just L-O-V-E, love Scott Noelle at Enjoying Parenting! His daily emails are inspirational, challenging, thought provoking, and encouraging. Scott really has a gift of showing us what is so blatantly obvious, but somehow society has managed to snugly secure blinders over our eyes preventing us from seeing what has always been there; pure, gentle spirits.

Our nature as humans really is pretty simple. We are creatures of habit, and when our habits get changed to something less than desirable we can flounder there forever if left unchallenged. Scott provides that challenge in a kind and gentle way. He is so simple and loving in his presentation that I often find myself thinking, "Well, duh! Why on earth don't I think that way already?"

It is SO very easy to get caught up in the daily grind that we can slip right into negative behavior and bad decision making and be completely unaware of just exactly where we have allowed ourselves to go in our thinking and behavior. Left unchecked, as humans we can go rapidly into a downward spiral. Our children are first, right after ourselves, in the line of those effected by the decisions we choose to make.

When you think about it, our children are really quite vulnerable to our behavior. They are directly effected by our state of mind and actions. I know my kids are VERY in tune with me. If something is bothering me, and (I think) I have not given any outward indication to that fact, my children ALWAYS ask me what is wrong. I am definitely a person that wears my heart on my sleeve, but even when I want to keep things under wraps it is impossible to do so in regard to my children. So, if they are so susceptible to something we are trying not to share just imagine how they are impacted by those things that we do without thought on a daily basis. The impact is profound!

I always think of little ones as a sponge. They go around soaking up everything around them until they are overflowing. Imagine the difference we can make if their little sponge selves are filled with positive emotion, creative thinking, and useful information. In my thinking filling them with good things better equips them to keep the negative things at bay. A sponge that is already full has no room for more. You have to squeeze out some of the water down the drain in order for more to be soaked up. What better to refill our child sponges with than good, clean parental interaction. Modeling positive and creative thinking for them as youngsters can only have a positive impact on them as they grow and mature; not to mention the bond you create with yourself and your children through such positive interaction in childhood.

Take the time to visit Scott's web site, Enjoy Parenting. You and your children can only benefit from the resources and articles available there. Scott's advice is perfect for parents that have children of all ages. At first glace it may seem like his information is only directed toward parents of young children, but my youngest is soon to be 15 years old, and I still love reading Scott's daily emails. They're FREE, so you might as well sign up while you are there!

Getting a Handle on Things

Well, I cannot recommend a To Do List highly enough to remove a sense of burden from your shoulders and clear your head. However, if your list is as insane as mine, the feeling will come and go until more items get crossed off; ACCOMPLISHED! Fortunately, I have managed to cross some things off, and I will have opportunity to cross off more throughout the week. I am now in manageable, bite-sized chunks. Don't get me wrong, it is still overwhelming at times, but the list does help immensely.

Nothing eases my mind and soul more than doing things for other people. Tomorrow, my best friend of 27 years will be coming to pick me up for an extended visit. I will be going to her house for the remainder of the week with my husband to join me on Friday evening.

My friend's husband is out of town for work, and tomorrow is her birthday. I will be making her a lovely dinner with her children while she takes a relaxing bath. As a homeschooling mom to SIX children all 15 years and under she rarely gets such a treat. Tomorrow afternoon and evening is going to be ALL about her. It will be a lot of fun!

By Friday her husband will have returned, and they will head out with their oldest daughter and some other teens from the church youth group, Pathfinders, for Teen Snow Outing at Camp Au Sable. Pat and I will stay with the remaining five children for the weekend. It should be a lot of fun. We are back by popular demand! This will be our second year doing this per the request of the children. What an honor to be requested!

Sexual Confidence

Yes, this is a Christian blog. And, yes, healthy christian couples have sex. (How do you think you got here?) However, none of us really talk about it. Honestly, lack of discussion and openness is a bad thing. Sex is a gift from God. It unites us as a couple, "And they shall become one." It also draws us closer to God.

Unfortunately, there are many of us out there that have an unhealthy relationship with sex. We have issues from the past that stay with us and interfere with our marriage relationship. Maybe we had parents that were unaware of how to speak to us in regard to sex and marriage. It could be that our parents did not set a healthy example of the sexual aspect of marriage for us. Maybe sex has been taboo your whole life.

Our inability to deal with our own issues and move into a higher intimacy with our spouse and with God will create more adults, currently our children, that have the same issues, or more. Learning to embrace our sexuality as a gift from God, dealing with our issues, and setting an example for our children is essential to their success as confident, married adults. Our willingness to introduce sexuality to our children as a healthy, blessing from God could potentially change their lives.

I recently read The Sexually Confident Wife by Shannon Etheridge. I cannot recommend it highly enough. I was a little embarrassed when I checked it out from the library, but I am SO glad that I did. It is an amazing book. Shannon is blatantly honest and forthright in the information she shares. The Sexually Confident Wife gives straight forward information on issues like healing past scars, body image, techniques, boundaries, overcoming the "church lady" syndrome, and talking to our children.

The Sexually Confident Wife is a tastefully written, informative guide to the mind, body, heart, and spirit. This is a must read for any woman that is, or plans to be, a wife. It wouldn't hurt matters if her husband read it too! If for no other reason, read this book for the future of your daughters.

Lost and Found

Well, as you know if you've read much here, our family is big. Over half of our seven children are off and on their own. In January we had an influx of kids hanging their hats here, so to speak. We had the uncomfortable task of assisting them in transitioning from one place to another on their life journey.

Anyway, in all the accommodating and moving around of things we experienced a few side effects that are just beginning to heal themselves. We keep finding remnants of those that transitioned here. I have three bags sitting in the office of said remnants waiting to be returned to their rightful owners.

The largest side-effect was the consumption of our garage by items that just seem to have planted themselves there. My big project for this summer is to go through the garage, return what is wanted by non-residents, sort and price the remaining items, and have a garage sale. Of course, we are all about simple living, therefor all remaining items will be donated to charity.

By far the most frustrating and puzzling side-effect suffered was the misplacing of my pictures from the living room. See our first set of transitioning individuals found their way to our home New Year's Eve. This means that Christmas decorations were still up, which in turn means that normal wall hangings and such were put away to allow for seasonal decorating.

You do realize that it is now almost SEVEN MONTHS since decorations came down, right? I could remember where they were before we changed everything around to accommodate unexpected residents, but where they landed after that has been a real mystery. I have searched high and low for these personal treasures.

I just love hidden blessings! We had to pull everything out of the office closet today to allow access to the space under our house for and unexpected meter reading for the city. See, here we have a water meter outside, and we have a water meter inside. Ours just happens to be located under the house in the old Michigan Basement accessed via the crawl space through the bottom of the closet. What at first seemed like a minor inconvenience became an unexpected brightener of my day.

Guess what I found? The missing pictures!!! I was SO happy. Remember, I said this was a personal treasure, right? My husband came home for lunch, as he always does, and he didn't even notice, despite that the living room finally looks all put back together! :-)