S is for Smiling Sunrise - A Book Review

ABCs, ABCs, how many ways can we learn our ABCs?  Learning our ABCs is such a big deal when we are little.  As a parent it can get kind of mundane and boring teaching ABC's, especially when we're raising a lot of children.  I mean...really...how many times CAN we sing the ABC song?  How many picture books can we read with the typical A, apple, and B, ball, and C, cat, and D, dog, and on and on it goes?  WordsBright, a small, independent publisher, has published a book that is anything but the A, apple, and B, ball approach to the ABCs.  In writing S is for Smiling Sunrise Vick Wadhwa (He's on Facebook if you'd like to connect with him.) has most definitely provided parents and children alike with a refreshingly new take on ABCs.



It's quite impressive to me that a children's ABC book can be tied into our homeschool in a variety of ways with a variety of teaching opportunities.  Character and Virtues has been a concentrated area of focus in our homeschool this year.  S is for Smiling Sunrise effectively teaches and reinforces areas of virtue that we have been actively learning and practicing as part of our normal routine.  The vocabulary is excellent.  I love the words that were chosen to represent each letter of the alphabet.  They are anything but ordinary; K, kaleidoscope for example.  Then there's the rest of the book content which is rich in literary stimulation including rhyming words and wholesome messages.  The content is rich enough to even elicit conversation from the nine-year-old, not just the two young ones.  We really enjoy reading it as a family, as a bedtime story, and the kids enjoy looking at it on their own.

Bella, age 4, enjoying the book independently.

S is for Smiling Sunrise also comes with a few wonderful resources.  There is a FREE Teacher's Guide available for download.  I love that the teacher guide provides relevant ideas and activities for K-3 age children.  It's not just for toddlers!  In the Teacher Guide there are four areas of focus for each letter; concepts, questions, vocabulary, and activities.  That's 26 different concepts to explore, 26 different questions to discuss, well over 100 vocabulary words to learn, and more than 26 activities to do together.  All of this from a children's ABC book!  Did I mention that we love this book?  You can even download a free word poster to go along with the book via the website as well as an MP3 of the story put to song.

There is so much potential within the pages of S is for Smiling Sunshine.  It's a wonderful teaching tool for not only learning the alphabet, but fully enriching the learning experience of your child.  It would be a wonderful addition to any homeschool curriculum for young children as well as just enriching the learning process for any child in a variety of learning environments.  We are looking forward to expanding on the book with the provided resources as we go throughout the coming year.  Such a fun way to take learning the ABCs to the next level!

Mourning - A Path Diverted

It's been said in a circle or two of my closest friends and family that if we knew what we were getting into when we got married there'd be far less married couples in the world.  The business of carrying on a healthy relationship with anyone over the course of a lifetime is a challenge to say the least.  Not to mention the complexities of the baggage we bring to the partnership and the reality of living in the same home, sharing the same bed in the same room day after day, night after night, week after week, month after month, year after year, and even decade after decade.  Getting along with someone, anyone, in those circumstances over that period of time seems darned near impossible.  Some of us succeed, but many of us fail, and plenty of us are just crazy enough to try multiple times.

I'm going to step out on a limb here and say that, if we are really honest with ourselves, the very same thing could easily be said about having children.  Don't get me wrong.  I love my children; all 10 of them.  However, this parenting thing isn't really turning out the way I envisioned it at all.  The one thing I could have never prepared for is the potential heart break.  I can say without hesitation that raising children has caused me more heartbreak than any relationship I've ever had in my entire life, and I've had some pretty devastating experiences in my lifetime; in my short 44 year lifetime, that is.  I can only imagine what I will have to share if I am fortunate enough to make it another 44 years on this planet.  I'm almost frightened of what I might have to share. 

I have a new found respect for my elders.  That is without question.  I respect the challenges faced to earn wisdom, and I respect that it quite certainly came through painful experience.  Wisdom is rarely gained easily.  More often the most valuable experiences come at the greatest cost.  True, valuable life lessons are not easily won.  We must work hard, be brave, and appreciate the value of failure in order to truly grow as individuals.  There are no guarantees.  There is no "magic" formula for the perfect family.  We can seemingly do everything right and come up with negative outcomes.  Conversely, we can do everything inherently wrong and come up with positive outcomes.  It's just the reality of living and loving.  Failure, despite our best efforts, is always a real possibility.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, 

though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, 

though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 

yet I will rejoice in the Lord, 

I will be joyful in God my Savior.  

The Sovereign Lord is my strength; 

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, 

he enables me to go on the heights."  

~ Habakkuk 3:17-19

What is failure?  Failure is defined in two ways.  One - lack of success.  Two - the omission of expected or required action.  When we begin our journey as a parent we are so optimistic and hopeful.  We imagine great things for our children, and we pull out all the stops to assist them in achieving success; whatever that may look like.  It never dawns on us that things may not turn out as we expect.  What do you mean my child may not be successful?  What do you mean we may experience life altering, heart breaking, mind blowing circumstances that forever alter the course of our lives and the lives of our children?

Somewhere along the way we realize that we are not the only influence in our children's lives.  We are not the only guiding force.  We are not the only ones sharing wisdom and providing guidance to our children; both wise and not so wise.  Our children are not the only ones learning lessons.  As parents we will be learning some big lessons on the heels of the choices of our children.  Our lives will never fully be the same, and we have no way of anticipating just what our existence will look like after 15 or 20 or 30 years of being a parent.  

"A foolish son is a grief to his father 

and bitterness to her who bore him."

~ Proverbs 17:25

No one ever tells us just how hard it is to usher these young people into adulthood.  No one tells us the power they have to just shatter every perception we ever had about parenthood and relating to our offspring.  No one ever tells us the amount of sleep we'll lose, not when they're young and require more hands on parenting, but when they are older and require more hands off parenting.  Only an experienced parent knows that the newborn stage is the easiest it will ever be, and can speak so with gut wrenching honesty.  The challenges only increase over time.

Don't get me wrong.  It's not all bumps and bruises and tears.  There are times of joy and celebration.  It isn't the same for everyone.  Maybe your joys far outweigh your sorrows.  Praise God!  However, there are those of us that experience more challenging seasons; more winters than summers.  Some of us get rocked by the stormy seas more than we sail on the calm waters.  That's just life, and it really is normal; maybe more so than we'd care to admit.

I think it's safe to say that real life, for the vast majority of us, is not the sum of our well orchestrated Facebook and blog posts.  Real life is messy.  There is pain; more than we ever thought possible.  In real life we mourn a lot more than we share.  We mourn in ways we never dreamed. like the loss of a child that is still living, or the shattering of lifelong ambitions at the hands of the poor decisions of our children.  Nothing can prepare us for these things in life, but love can sustain us.  Hope can lift our spirits and strengthen our hearts to persist for another day.  Faith CAN move a mountain, and we can find joy within the trials, even when they belt us one after the other.

Sometimes it is difficult to maintain perspective when we are thrown blow after blow after blow after gut pounding blow.  We don't always feel like picking ourselves up, and it may even take us longer than we imagined to pull ourselves off the floor and rise again to face another day.  When we put our faith in God and truly learn how to hand over our burdens, then we can embrace our reality more openly.  We can take the bad with the bad and find that little bit of good to focus our attention and energy.  There is not a moment we are alone in our struggles, even when we can't necessarily feel it.

Here are some bible verses that encourage me.  Maybe they will bring you a bit of peace as well.

"He gives strength to the weary 

and increases the power of the weak."

~ Isiah 40:29

"My soul is weary with sorrow; 

strengthen me according to your word."

~ Psalm 119:28

"Finally, be strong in the Lord 

and in his mighty power."

~ Ephesians 6:10

"God is our refuge and strength, 

an ever present help in trouble."

~ Psalm 46:1

"As you do not know the path of the wind, 

or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, 

so you cannot understand the work of God, 

the maker of all things."

~ Ecclesiastes 11:5

"Just as a father has compassion on his children, 

so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him."

~ Psalm 103:13

Motivate Your Child - Book Review

Parenting seems to be an area of perpetual growth for me.  How to parent more effectively isn't really something I thought I'd be thinking about at this stage in the game.  Now was to be a time of exploring subjects that I was interested in learning more about like photography and psychology, or maybe gardening and natural medicine, but certainly not how to be a better, more effective parent.  Well, we all know the old saying, "We make plans, and God laughs".  I'm pretty sure he's had a few good belly-rolls to my credit, and that was just yesterday.  Am I alone on this?

Yes, we have 10 children.  Yes, we made mistakes.  (eh, hem...still make mistakes)  What's different now with these three that remain in our charge than the seven that went before them?  Us.  Simply put, we are different.  Although we found ourselves a little blindsided with the idea of raising not one, but three more children after our, let's just say, prime child rearing years, one gift we've discovered is the gift of conscious decision making and real planning.

If you've been around here any length of time you know that stepping into the big things in life with a plan and an idea of how we'd like things to turn out really isn't what we do around here.  However, with hindsight being 20/20, and stronger faith base present in our lives, books like Motivate Your Child finding their way into our clutches is a little more than happenstance as far as I am concerned.  Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN, have done a wonderful job equipping parent with the knowledge of the conscience, it's importance in the development of our children, and the relevance it hold in our faith walk.  Despite my becoming more conscious about the way I parent these past five years, I can honestly say that I had never once given thought to helping my children develop a strong conscience.  It just never crossed my mind.

Motivate Your Child is a two-part book written in a practical manner that first addresses the moral development of our children, and then addresses their spiritual development.  The insights given are simply stated, and plenty of real life experiences are present to illustrate the concepts at work in real life families.  What I like most about the real life families is that so many different types of families are represented.  That spoke to my heart.  Often times when we read a book on parenting it seems to be written to the "normal" family.  You know.  That nuclear family with a mom and dad and four children.  Families of all types are represented here, even homeschooling families.  This is something I noticed right away, because we are anything but normal in our makeup.  The fact that step-families, adoptive families, foster families, single parent families, as well as two parent families are all represented indicates to me that the unique challenges faced to each of us do not exclude us from the ability to implement the ideas shared within the pages of this wonderful book.

After reading Motivate Your Child I feel empowered.  Parenting to the heart is something that I've always felt instinctively, but my instincts on how to actually pull this off have been a little faulty.  With the responsibility of ushering three more young people into adulthood I have never taken my role as parent more seriously.  Never before have I known how to so effectively remove myself from the circumstance and not take things so personally.  Never before have I had the tools to empower my children through teaching and discipline.  Praise God I am figuring these things out more and more.  With a book like Motivate Your Child in my tool belt things are certain to continue to improve for my family.  Something that I was taught within the last year is reiterated within these pages, and that is that truly effective parenting begins with disciplining myself.  It seems so simple now that it's out in the open for me, but it really has been a real lesson for me to learn.

My view of my role as a parent has really morphed over the years.  Motivate Your Child is a book that met a lot of my hi-lighter, and I will be sure to reference it time and again as we implement more of what we learned through its teachings.  This resource really fills a gap for me.  I have always struggled with how to impart biblical teaching on the hearts of my children.  Coming up with awesome parables for all of life's circumstances has never been my gift.  BUT, with the teachings on building internal motivation and the promptings of the conscience, as well as the spiritual lessons, I am better equipped now than ever before.  The knowledge imparted through the pages of Motivate Your Child has put me in a better position than ever before to raise thoughtful young people with a strong spiritual walk that see their mistakes as learning opportunities rather than failures.  For this I am thankful.

Motivate Your Child - Bonus Offer

I am excited to share with you about a new book I’m reading this month -- Motivate Your Child: A Christian Parent's Guide to Raising Kids Who Do What They Need to Do Without Being Told.  Doesn't that sound amazing? Isn't that what you want for your kids?  Since we've found ourselves taking a entering another round of raising children this has become more important to us than ever before.

God's Word gives us a better way to parent, one that builds strong internal motivation in children. When parents change the way they parent, kids change the way they live.  This fact has become more and more obvious to me over the past several years.  Parenting is so much more about disciplining ourselves than I ever realized the first time around.

Motivate Your Child is a practical book that explores a theology of internal motivation and then gives parents real-life solutions to equip their kids for life.  This is the newest book by parenting experts, Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN from the National Center for Biblical Parenting (NCBP), also authors of The Christian Parenting Handbook. 

In order to motivate parents to Pre-Order the book, the NCBP is offering a $150 package of resources for FREE!  There are video, audio and print items that can be used on a variety of devices.  You can learn more on the Book Website.  You can Pre-Order the book now from any retailer, and then follow the instructions below.  

Pre-Order from Amazon 

INSTRUCTIONS: Purchase the book. Email the receipt to gift@biblicalparenting.org.  The NCBP will send you the link and a special code to access these downloadable products. This offer is good until January 31, 2015.

Imaginative Play - A Real Blessing

My children have been playing A LOT, it is a beautiful thing!  They wake up nearly every morning and launch right into some make believe play that they have orchestrated.  Sometimes they even wait an hour or more before expressing interest in breakfast.  This has been a welcome reprieve for me.

My schedule is such that I have found it challenging to find quiet time in order to plan our our new school year which I have slated to begin in less than three weeks.  I know the benefits of imaginative play for my children, but what I didn't anticipate was benefits for me.  Slowly, I am letting go and allowing this play to progress on its own.  I feel burdened with many tasks fighting for the top slot on my list, so I am really trying to set my priorities.  Since we are set to start our more rigorous school routine in such a short time I am forcing myself to block out all the other tasks calling for my attention, and I am gearing my mind to focus solely on the task of preparing our lessons for the 2014-15 school year.  It is a bit of a daunting task, and it is challenging to focus when I have huge projects just begging for my attention.  However, I am committed to the task at hand.

We do school year round.  Learning just takes different forms depending on the season.  In the summer months we pare back the academics and take a more laid back approach.  However, in the fall and winter months we intensify our efforts taking on a heftier academic load.  This year we will be exploring human biology and History from the Industrial Revolution through present times, among all of our other subjects.  These two require the most effort on my part in regard to planning.  So, they are my first priority.  Getting the most difficult out of the way seems the best approach for me.

I am SO fortunate to have such a supportive group of homeschool friends.  A few of us have found a way to help each other out in the planning process.  We are making a deal with each other to keep each other's children so that we have QUIET time, in a large enough block to actually accomplish something, to prepare our lessons or whatever else may be required for us to be prepared to effectively educate our children.  I am SO excited about this plan!  What a blessing to have such a wonderful network of friends.  Community is something I have been longing to have for many, many years, and God has richly blessed me in this area since our move.

For me, at the moment, the double blessing is that my children are so eagerly educating themselves through imaginative play and occupying themselves without ANY prompting from me.  I am thankful that I am able to SEE the blessing and allow their explorations to continue with very little interruption from me.  It is well established that imaginative play is a wonderful learning medium for children, and their most important business is playing.  Given our unique circumstances, less and less so as years go by, I am fully aware of just how far these precious wee ones have come in their healing to actually be off playing on their own.  This is huge, and I am SO thankful that it is happening.

I am choosing to accept the gift given me.  We will enjoy the next couple of weeks at an even more relaxed rate so that my children can learn, explore, and grow all on their own, and I will take moments of time for myself to commune with my Creator, to listen to the chatter of my children and the birds outside, and I will grab the moments as they present themselves to prepare for the coming year.  Right now we are enjoying the serious business of play.

A Child's Garden of Verses: Selected Poems

by Robert Louis Stevenson

THE LITTLE LAND

  

When at home alone I sit
And am very tired of it,
I have just to shut my eyes
To go sailing through the skies—
To go sailing far away
To the pleasant Land of Play;
To the fairy land afar
Where the Little People are;
Where the clover-tops are trees,
And the rain-pools are the seas,
And the leaves, like little ships,
Sail about on tiny trips;
And above the Daisy tree
      Through the grasses,
High o’erhead the Bumble Bee
      Hums and passes.

In that forest to and fro
I can wander, I can go;
See the spider and the fly,
And the ants go marching by,
Carrying parcels with their feet
Down the green and grassy street.
I can in the sorrel sit
Where the ladybird alit.
I can climb the jointed grass
      And on high
See the greater swallows pass
      In the sky,
And the round sun rolling by
Heeding no such things as I.
Through that forest I can pass
Till, as in a looking-glass,
Humming fly and daisy tree
And my tiny self I see,
Painted very clear and neat
On the rain-pool at my feet.
Should a leaflet come to land
Drifting near to where I stand,
Straight I’ll board that tiny boat
Round the rain-pool sea to float.

Little thoughtful creatures sit
On the grassy coasts of it;
Little things with lovely eyes
See me sailing with surprise.
Some are clad in armour green—
(These have sure to battle been!)—
Some are pied with ev’ry hue,
Black and crimson, gold and blue;
Some have wings and swift are gone;—
But they all look kindly on.

When my eyes I once again
Open, and see all things plain:
High bare walls, great bare floor;
Great big knobs on drawer and door;
Great big people perched on chairs,
Stitching tucks and mending tears,
Each a hill that I could climb,
And talking nonsense all the time—
      O dear me,
      That I could be
A sailor on a the rain-pool sea,
A climber in the clover tree,
And just come back a sleepy-head,
Late at night to go to bed.

We Choose Virtues - Parenting Cards Review

With the change in dynamics, both planned and unplanned, in our family over the past few years I have become more conscious of the purpose of my role as a parent than ever before in my life.  My husband and I are what is now considered "older parents", and that fully impacts our perspective in relationship to our goals of parenting.  Now, more than ever, it is important to us to raise independent children with strong core values.  Because of this I was thrilled to have the opportunity to review the NIrV version of We Choose Virtues Parenting Cards.  This is such a simple resource with tremendous impact potential!  The kids and I will be using them for years to come. My homeschooling children are currently between three and eight, and this resource is geared for ages 3 to 11.  We will have plenty of opportunity to use it time and time again.

For the course of the review period we incorporated the 13 Parenting Cards into our daily devotion time in the morning.  It seemed a natural fit.  The kids enjoyed coloring the corresponding virtue page from the PDF Dowload Kids of VirtueVille Coloring Book while I read the parenting card to them.  We discussed the virtue of the day, read the one paragraph story about the particular VirtueVille kid, and payed attention throughout the day for opportunities to learn more about the virtue.  The incorporation of characters, songs (another PDF Download resource), and object lessons really helps to cement the virtue into our memory.  The biblical application is seamless, a natural partner to the lesson.

Annabella coloring Gerbil Jill.

Avery coloring Chuck and Duck.

As many homeschooling moms are doing at this time of year, I am currently putting together our next year's course of study.  We Choose Virtues Parenting Cards are slotted to hold an important place in our daily plan.  It is my intention to expand upon each virtue for a more in depth study and application of the lesson.  It is very important to me to teach my children to have virtue and to know their bible.  The Parenting Cards are the perfect tool for the job.  With the Family Character Assessment, the Kids of VirtueVille Coloring Book, the Butterfly Awards, the Teacher's Handbook, and my bible I have all the tools I need to create a year's worth of biblical character building unit studies for my family.  My favorite part is the minimal investment of time on my part.  Bonus!

As we reviewed the cards together as a family in preparation for this review, I may have gotten the biggest lesson.  Be prepared, parents!  Instilling character in your wee ones is the most effective way to examine your own character, usually with a microscopic view.  Our first card was I am Patient.  Well, let me tell you, I am not nearly as patient as I thought I was.  What a good first card for us!  I needed that eye opener right from the get go.  It was good for the kids to see that even mom needs to work on her virtues.  We may be the leaders of our family as parents, but we are far from perfect.  It is good for our children to know that we are all a work in progress.




Another way the Parenting Cards helped me personally is in the teachable moments portion.  This is the biggest section on the card.  It provides you with suggestions as to how to reinforce the virtue throughout the day or week, or your chosen time period.  This is highly beneficial for me, as I struggle with remembering to provide positive reinforcement to my children.  I have already been working on myself in this area for a while, and having the reminders is helpful.  I see my children shine the brightest when they are complemented on their actions.  It is so much more helpful to receive positive feedback on our accomplishments than to only hear where we are going wrong.  Balance is key, and this tool helps me keep it.


I am excited to incorporate We Choose Virtues Parenting Cards along with the PDF Download Package into our homeschool for the 2014-15 school year here at Royal Academy.  Our lives are surely richer for it.  Yours can be too!  The Parenting Cards are available for $38.49 with a FREE Family Character Assessment Download.  You can also purchase the We Choose Virtues Download Bundle for $7.99 here.

Visit We Choose Virtues on Facebook, Pinterest, and their blog.

I Love John Rosemond!

Okay, I love my husband a lot more, and love might be too strong of a word, but I do have a great respect for Dr. Rosemond.  He is a breath of fresh air to this couple right here.  We both enjoyed listening to him very much at the GHC convention in Cincinnati.  I thought it might be fun to revisit my notes and share with you what I learned.

Dr. Rosemond is very easy to listen to.  He is matter of fact and quite funny.  At the end of each seminar he left us wanting more; not that his talk was missing anything, just that he was that enjoyable to listen to.  My husband and I both agreed that we could have listened to him well into the night.

We feel challenged by the ideas of Dr. Rosemond.  His insight is well founded and spot on.  With his help, we traveled back several decades to the 1950's, and beyond, where he reminded us of the parenting styles of our mothers and grandmothers.  One thought that stuck with me is, "My mother expected me to pay attention to her."  Why, yes.  Yes she did!  His charge is that today's mother pays too much attention to her children, and that attention has profoundly negative effects on the very children we are so desperately trying to positively influence.

Based on his education in psychology and his own experience as a parent, Dr. Rosemond contends that this parental shift of sorts happened in the 1960's when parents quit listening to and learning from their elders in regard to parenting their own children.  Rather, they started listening to the flawed advice of psychologists and so called professionals.  From that point forward the behavior of our children has disintegrated, and our stress level has sky rocketed.  Today's mom has the bar raised so high that she can never achieve the standards she's set for herself, but she wears herself out to no end trying.  I have to admit my guilt in this one.  I have tortured myself day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, and even decade after decade trying so desperately to learn the best way to parent my children without messing them up too much.  What a daunting task it has been at times!

Dr. Rosemond contends that today's mother works much harder than the mothers of decades past while she raises half the children her grandmother did.  It's really ridiculous if you stop and think about it, and think about it I have.  My husband and I had already been pondering some of these things.  We just hadn't found our way quite to the level Dr. Rosemond took us.  One thing that always bothered me was the level of effort we put forth to extract obedience from our children; never mind the multitudes of failures in this department over the years.  I had already been discussing this with my husband.  Don't get me wrong.  I wasn't a perfect kid.  I made some terrible mistakes growing up, but for the most part I did what I was told when I was asked to do something.  My mom didn't have to fight with me to do my part around the house.  I knew what was expected, and I did it.  There were no chore charts, no allowance, and rarely a remind.  She never had to correct how I folded the towels or go behind me because I missed the corners when I dusted.  There was no reminder to put the milk back in the refrigerator, and she didn't have to remove something from the cupboard due to me putting it in the wrong place.  It didn't happen.  I was taught how to do things right and to do it right the first time.  There were no battles.  I've never been able to understand why I wasn't able to pull that level of efficiency off with our own children.  I always chalked it up to being a combined family.  Now, I would have to say that would be incorrect.

Another thing that really stood out to me is the point Dr. Rosemond made about his mom spending time with her friends and what they did, or didn't, talk about.  He shared that he had asked his mother what she used to talk about with her girlfriends when he was a kid.  Guess what?  It was everything BUT him!  I know I have personally spent a lot of time talking with trusted individuals about my parenting challenges over the years.  Moms of the past did no such thing.  They didn't talk about their children.  Instead, the talked about their interests and how they were spending their time.  They were INTERESTING!  Are you interesting?  I know I am not so interesting, and it has been a struggle of my heart.  I have been frustrated very much in this department for quite some time.  I am so wrapped up in my children that there is NO time for ME.  I have felt lost in parenthood for many years now.  A couple of years ago I was just glimpsing the illusion of freedom, and it did feel good, then we became parents of three instead of one.  (For those of you that are unfamiliar, we had already raised seven children when we adopted one more.  Then, we also became parents to two of our grandchildren unexpectedly.  Vacation over!  LOL)  I say illusion, because I really didn't know that I was my own gate keeper.

This idea ties into another area of discussion between the husband and myself, freedom for the kids.  Dr. Rosemond hit on this as well.  Kids NEED time that is unstructured.  In today's society we are SO structured with an abundance of activities.  We cart kids from one thing to the next, and they rarely have time all to themselves.  One thing I have known for a long time is that kids actually NEED to get bored.  Boredom does breed creativity.  My conclusion?  If we actually allow our children unstructured time to explore, play, and just be children, then we mothers will have plenty of time to explore, play, and just be ourselves.  We can take off our hats and truly be who we are.  We CAN be interesting!  We do not need to be so wrapped up in the lives of our children that we cannot do anything relevant to ourselves.  Seriously!  If we do not make it a point to be interesting and be MORE than mothers to our children our children WILL view us as dispensers of entitlements.  This, dear friend, is a fact.  I have seen it plain and simple in our family as well as the families of those near and dear to my heart.

How do you feel when I make this statement?  "Children should be seen, and not heard."  It used to ruffle my feathers.  Now, I view it in a totally different light.  I love including children in conversation, but there is a distinct line that has been muddied over the decades of degradation.  Though the aforementioned statement may seem blunt and harsh to we parents of today, there is a value in the philosophy that has been going right over our heads.  It may be even more relevant to those of us that are homeschoolers.  When children are "seen, and not heard" they are cast in the role of the student.  The distinction between adult and child becomes clear, and children are effectively taught to become adults.

We, my husband I, are still learning how to be effective parents in our home.  Raising seven children in the circumstances that we did taught us a lot.  It laid the foundation for us to be capable of raising the children currently in our charge.  Our hearts and minds have never been more open to the prompting of God, especially with regard to the care and keeping of children.  I know what I have shared my strike a nerve with some of you.  However, when I am completely honest with myself I am acutely aware of the way things have degraded within our society.  I believe in the Biblical principles as the foundation for family, and I am constantly working toward understanding what the Bible has to say and how to apply it to my life.  I long for a self-sufficient life for my children based on Godly principles and Biblical virtues.  With this in mind I will continue to educate myself, keep my heart open to the prompting of God, and share with others what I learn along the way.  Over the coming months I will continue to share on this and related subjects.  I hope the things God has put on my heart with challenge your thinking as well as encourage you along your own personal journey with your Creator, your family, yourself, and your community.

Captivated Movie Review

Phillip Telfer, a former youth pastor, founded the ministry Media Talk 101 in 2005 with a mission to teach media discernment.  His journey of public speaking and ministering to the youth of today has led to the production of the Captivated DVD, a thought provoking and inspiring movie that challenges the viewer to evaluate their relationship with media in their everyday life from a Christian perspective.  The evolution of technology is explored as well as the science behind brain development and the effects of technology from a neurological standpoint.

Having raised seven children to adulthood and currently rearing a third batch in the emerging generation I can plainly see the dramatic difference in technology availability and use just between these two groups of children.  It was noticeable between the first two age groups in our family, but it is glaringly evident between the last two age groups.  I currently have children between the ages of four and twenty-eight.  I have had to learn loads in the technology realm since my first B.A.S.I.C. computer class in junior high; nearly all of it in direct relation to raising children in a media saturated world.  I still remember the scene in Back to the Future when Marty McFly travels back in time and the television is brand new.  When he is asked if they have a television he replies that they have two.  The reaction is that it's crazy.  Of course no one has two televisions!  Now, just look at the typical American home.  We have two televisions, and that makes us odd; not because we have two, but because we have ONLY two.  Most homes in the United States have multiple televisions.  They are everywhere, and it is uncommon for the children in our home not to have televisions in their rooms.  (Our older batches of children did have them in their rooms.  Lesson learned.)  In fact, as mentioned in the movie, there are more televisions than people per American household.  Is it just me, or is that just plain crazy?

In today's world media encompasses so much more than television.  We have smart phones, laptops, the internet and wi-fi, social media with Twitter and Facebook and a slew of others, i-pods and i-pads, x-box with wi-fi, and the list goes on.  It's everywhere we go, and we even carry it with us.  Am I the only one that finds it refreshing to eat in a restaurant that has no television hanging from the wall or ceiling?  It's a wonder we can even sleep.  How can we rest with this constant stimulation?  Just in my lifetime we have progressed from a single, black and white (gasp), television, Atari (that we didn't get until I was in high school), and a corded phone in our home to multiple televisions, home computers, the internet, smart phones, and wi-fi.  The implications of that alone is mind numbing.

As a parent that longs to provide an enriched environment for my children finding a healthy balance and relationship with technology can pose a great challenge at times.  I thought I had it all figured out when my older kids were growing up, then the playing field changed.  With the younger children now in my charge one of my biggest concerns in relationship to technology use is brain development.  Through the interviewed experts in Captivated the Movie we learn that children under the age of two should watch no television and abstain from the use of technology like smart phones and i-pads and such.  This is not the first time I have heard this concern mentioned.  However, it is a timely reminder for me.  I have seen the effect of the increased technology use on the wee ones in our home, and it prompted me to action.  Watching the DVD was a healthy reminder and an encouragement that I really was taking a step in the right direction for the healthy brain development of my beautiful children.

I have seen the signs of addiction and withdrawal in relation to our three-year-old and my Kindle Fire.  It still seems weird for me to call it that.  I mean addiction?  Really?  Yes!  The most disturbing fact that I learned while viewing Captivated the Movie is that video game addiction parallels gambling addiction.  That is just frightening to me and a real incentive to remain conscious and purposeful in our use of technology as a family.  Currently there are no dedicated gaming devices in our home, and I do plan to keep it that way as long as we can.  Maybe forever.  Is that possible?  I am not sure, but I plan to do my best to provide an enriched environment that provides lots of physical activity in the outdoors with hopes that real life, live and in living color, will be more rewarding than a virtual "reality".

The personal testimonies in the movie are encouraging and offer a challenge.   What about a media fast?  It is suggested that we take an assessment of our media usage and determine if there is something that we are putting above all things that may be hindering our real life relationships as well as our relationship with God.  If we determine that there is, then do a media fast.  This can be done as an individual or as a family.  It may not be easy, but it will surely be eye opening.  It may even be life changing.  Personally, my heart longs for the time when families gathered together in the evening and played music, sang, and read together.  We have actively been working toward this ideal with more active time together doing hands on and involved activity and less time in the passive pursuits involved in the world of media.  Viewing Captivated the Movie reinforced my belief that this is truly what is most important.

Through the various experts, personal testimonies, and the interwoven message of a life focused on a biblical world view, Captivated the Movie is a timely message for today's culture and a gentle reminder to use the bible as our spectacles to determine what is good and what is harmful.  It is a call to accountability, and an encouragement to stand apart using discernment and wisdom.   There are over two hours of extras included on the DVD with extended interviews as well as a word from the producer himself.  Captivated the Movie is a wonderful resource for education within the home as well as ministering to friends and family.  It is priced at just $16.95 with FREE shipping and the option to add a second for sharing for just $5.00 more making it an economical way to reach out to family and friends.  We highly enjoyed it in our home, and I know others will surely be blessed my this ministry.

"See to it that no one takes you captive

through philosophy and empty deception..."

~ Colossians 2:8

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What a Difference a Year Makes

We just never know where our paths will lead.  I don't know about you, but for me it is like traveling around a constant bend.  The road curves ahead of you leaving just a small portion of your path in view.  What truly lies ahead remains unseen, a gift waiting to be discovered.  If we sincerely believe our steps guided and all experiences valuable then it is of no matter what remains unseen.  All that awaits is a gift if we keep our focus on things above.  Even the most seemingly negative of circumstances hold within them a gift if we are open and courageous enough to look past the surface.

I am forever thankful that I am not the one in charge of my life.  Messes are my expertise, and I do not need any more experience in the driver's seat to know that my hands may be on the wheel, but I am not the one doing the steering; that is if I remember to stay out of the way and keep a willing heart.  It is possible to drive all the while having our course be guided.  I am constantly reminded that every stop we've made along the way has brought us to where we are now.  If I had not made the choices and experienced the consequences, good and bad, of my decisions in days gone by I would not be the person that I am today.  It is certainly easy to think of the negative implications and focus on what may have been lost.  However, I choose to keep my vision on the positives and be thankful that things are as good as they are.  Sometimes our sight requires a little adjusting.  When we're hit with bigger than life events it can throw us off a bit, but constant conversation with the Creator will surely keep our paths straight; if only for a time.  And, if we're living in the present, really living in the here and now, that is all that truly matters.

This past year provided for us another big change.  Our family, the family that resides within the bounds of our home, has grown by three.  One left, one returned, and two were added.  Yup, that is huge adjustment all around for all involved.  As my last post indicated, our oldest son left home for the Navy.  He currently finds himself stationed in South Carolina.  His first visit home since leaving that day will not be until this coming October.  In November of last year two of our granddaughters came to live with us.  We didn't know it at the time, but it would be a permanent arrangement.  I became their court appointed guardians this past June.  Right on their heels in April of this year our youngest son returned home from Wayne State to secure employment and attend the local community college.

We have given hugs, said goodbye, made amends, severed ties, given flight, and created sanctuary.  There is a whole lot of emotion tied into all of that activity.  My newest revelation?  The only constant in life is change.  Learning that fact, and accepting it wholeheartedly, has given me such freedom within all that has transpired in the past nine months.  It's rather symbolic really.  Nine months.  The gestation time for human life.  It leads to a birth and loads of change.  What have we nurtured in the past nine months?  The melding of lives.  We have created another family within our already large family.  Rolling with the punches has become an area of expertise for the hubby and myself.

In 1997 we became a serious couple blending our two families together.  We gave up being single parents and learned how to open our hearts to the endless bounds of love overflowing.  Our families became one and we numbered nine.  The next milestone was 2005.  It was a year of tremendous emotion.  We lost my father to his battle with male breast cancer on April 1st, our first grandchild was born on July 24th, and we wed on September 17th.  Our lives were never the same, and we could have never imagined the journey before us.

The children aged and spread their wings, more grandchildren were born, and we were actively viewing the light at the end of the tunnel.  The time came when we could take off on a spontaneous road trip just the two of us, or hop on the motorcycle for an afternoon ride.  No worries.  We were enjoying an emptier nest.

Then we were presented with the opportunity to become parents again, and our journey went around the bend slowly revealing more and more with each step.  Avery was born in January of 2010.  Our family now numbered 10.  We sold our house in December of the same year and purchased our new home in August of 2011.  Through a lot of transition we found ourselves moving from a large family in the city to a soon-to-be parents of one young child in the country living arrangement.  Andrew went in the Navy, Adrian went to university, and Avery hung out at home with us.  We had effectively given flight to all seven children.  Raising a single child felt like a vacation.  It was fun while it lasted.

In November of 2012 the girls came to be with us, and life has forever changed again.  We are learning how to parent in yet another set of circumstances.  Our new family structure sets to remind us that love really does know no bounds, and anything is possible.  Families come in all shapes and sizes, and presumptions are a waste of time and energy.  If anyone has done the math you have now figured out that the full size of our family numbers 12; two parents, and 10 children.  In our home we currently have a variety of ages; 19, 8, 3, and 2.  (Six of the original seven are off living their adult lives.)  With such a vast range in ages comes a variety of personality types and emotions.  We are learning how to live together and thrive.  Once again we find ourselves a full-time home school family.  We kind of dove in head first.  The kids love it, and so do we.

It took a little more growth, but I can see the blessings more clearly and more quickly now.  The little road bumps in life have become more of a minor inconvenience instead of completely throwing us off track.  Even the big, orange barrels cannot put us off track for long.  The capacity of our heart is limitless if it remains always open.  I knew God led us here, and I remain immensely grateful.  Even with the chaos, the big emotions, the endless change, and all the growth there is not one place in my history that has ever felt more like home.

It is really the greatest gift ever to be where we are geographically speaking.  I love our home, our community, our family, and our friends.  The network we have here is incredible.  Each and every day, even the ones where the struggles seem to dominate, I am SO thankful for everything with which we are blessed.  I choose to see the forest for the trees.  The blessings abound!  Are you looking for yours?  Do you see them?  They ARE there!  Take another step.  A new one is sure to be just around the bend.

Adult Children

As a parent we raise our children with dreams of our own. Dreams of success, intelligence, and independence. At least that's what I dreamt for them, and for myself. It seems I have failed majorly in this department.

I have managed to raise five girls that are anything but successful, intelligent, or independent. It is beyond frustrating. The decisions that they have made and continue to make just perpetuate their less than favorable situations. It is beyond ridiculous.

Don't get me wrong. They have certain levels of success, at least some of them. Intelligence is relevant. They are academically smart for the most part. It is life skills that they are sorely lacking. And, when it comes to independence, well they are very sorely lacking.

I have been forced to rethink my position as a parent. I no longer offer advice as it falls on deaf ears anyway. They have ignored my advice much to their detriment, and I am so tired of being effected by their bad decisions. If you ignored my advice and created a problem, then that's your problem, right? Not according to my children! This is feeding my belief that parents should live out of comfortable reach from their adult children. What is an adult anyway? It certainly isn't an age. I can tell you that!

Well, I stand corrected. One definition of adult is one who is legally of age. I guess being an adult only has to do with age and nothing else. One can be an adult and still be reliant on their parents. One can be an adult and still make toxic choices as a general rule without the benefit of learning from ones mistakes and making better choices from that point. One may continue to age all the while thinking that the world owes them something.

I know my posts about adult children have been very negative lately. We are just struggling so desperately to cut the apron strings. Enough is enough. It seems the harder we try to get in a position to not be effected by their bad decisions the further we get sucked in. It's like trying to escape from quick sand. Kicking and screaming puts your life in further danger. Yet, if you do nothing you remain stuck. Apparently this is going to require some creative maneuvering on our part. We just cannot seem to figure out the moves.

The hardest part about the whole thing is the way we are treated. There is little to no appreciation for the wonderful feats we are able to pull off. We are a pretty amazing team when it comes to a crisis. We can make things happen, and it's just taken for granted. Sometimes we are even treated rudely, and it is just so hard to stomach. It doesn't help that we are not on the same page when it comes to limits. I would never give as much as my other half, and every time I think he gets it here we are giving again!

I know I am a good parent, and I know I gave it my all. I also know that parents are not always their child's greatest influence, and it can be an uphill battle. I have discovered that I am VERY tired, and I am more than ready to transition to something new. I seriously do not know how much more I can stomach. I went from feeling great to fighting depression. It isn't fun, and I'm ready for a change. Period.

Lessons in Life

Well, I've grown to learn that the only bad mistake is one that I didn't learn from, and I've been doing a lot of learning lately. Most of it centers around my children and the silver spoon they think is in their mouth. I couldn't be more fed up with the middle class snobs I seem to have raised. How does that happen, anyway?

I grew up poor. No question about it. I've got plenty of vivid memories to remind me. There was a clothes dryer and refrigerator in my bedroom because our house was so small. We got everything we needed for the year at Christmas from my mom saving her change all year. I started working at 11 doing babysitting jobs and held a job with a check ever since I was 14 years old. I was a teen mom that had my own apartment in high school and graduated with my class. I was editor-in-chief of the yearbook, student of the month, and held down a job while raising my baby and attending high school. I went to college and business school. I was a single mom for years. I worked my way up in life. Sometimes it seems all for not.

How is it that two working class citizens with strong work ethics and a descent set of morals can raise such ignorant, ungrateful, self-centered, clueless children? It is a question that won't soon be answered for me, I am sure. I've got four girls out of the house and on their own all taking the hard way, in no uncertain terms.

All of our children were offered the same opportunity. Stay at home, work and go to school, save your money, buy a car, and step out on the right foot with a bankroll and a solid investment portfolio to hold you up. I was so proud to have the means to offer this to SEVEN children when it couldn't even be considered for me as a child. Do you know that not a one of those four girls took us up on it? Not a one! They all have children and are single moms. None of them have graduated college, save one that went to business school. They are all making terrible decisions that go against anything we have ever advised, taught, or modeled. Guess who they want to clean up the mess and pick up the pieces when it all blows up in their faces? What no guesses? Oh, I'm sure you'll get it on the first try. It couldn't be more obvious.

Why is it that these children, young adults now, think they are owed so much and do not have a clue about working hard and respecting the fact that their parents are out there working hard. They have to support one child, except the one that just had twins, and we support seven children and six grandchildren. Granted the burden has lightened with less mouths to feed on a daily basis, but I'd rather be feeding them than dealing with all the bologna they've been slicing. The way I see it the middle class lifestyle spoiled them. They'd have been better off to have been brought up with nothing. It's not like just one of them doesn't get it. All of our girls have their heads somewhere that does not provide enough oxygen for clear thinking.

I have to say that I am not a fan of parenting adult children. The good thing is that hubby and I are learning that we don't really care to do anything much other than nod and smile at this point. After this last deal is done no one better come a calling, because the shop is closed. Quite literally. They have taken advantage of us so much that we don't even want to help with the smallest of things. I'm so disgusted with them all that I can scarcely look at them. It's all I can muster to carry on a conversation. I'll spare you all the gory details, but I am not out of line here. Rest assured. When it gets to the point that good gestures and helping hands are taken for granted then it's time for those hands to let go.

Just to add insult to injury the youngest girl, 19 years old, that is at home, working, going to college, and failing all her classes. Talk about a frustrating year. She graded herself right out of any hopes of financial aide or mom and dad footing the bill any longer. This isn't from lack of ability by any stretch. It's from lack of effort, and that is just disheartening. Now, she needs to determine just what it is that she plans to do. This may no longer be her residence by the end of the summer. It wouldn't surprise me in the least, and so be it. I'm not losing any sleep over it anymore. We have handed her the world on a silver platter, and she spit on it as far as I'm concerned. It's frustrating, but it seems she may need to take a course at the school of hard knocks, and I've learned enough to be okay with that.

The boys are okay so far. I still have to kick them in the butt to get their school work done, but they watch their sisters and just don't get it at all. Hopefully, their ambitions stay ambitious, and their drive stays in gear. Otherwise, we'll have some more casualties at the Smith household, and I don't know how much more I can take. I've reached a state of numb. There's nothing like kids to make you feel like a failure even though you know you gave it your all and provided them with a golden opportunity.

The toughest lesson to learn is that you are not responsible for the decisions your children make. It's the whole, "You can lead a horse to water..." thing in full swing. I led them. I flashed neon signs. I sent up smoke signals. I chartered aerial banners. I purchased billboards. I led the fight, but they didn't follow. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't make them drink.