Keeping it Together

We're all human.  We have bad days.  We may have even had bad weeks, months, or even years.  Life is not always perfect that is why it is so important to grab the good moments, days, weeks, months, and years and soak them for all they're worth.  There will always be challenges, struggles, and obstacles to overcome.  If there weren't, how would we grow and learn?  Though uncomfortable, adversity offers opportunity; opportunity to grow closer to God, opportunity to know ourselves better, opportunity to get to know those around us better, opportunity to get better acquainted with our community, and opportunity to share with others.

If you are one of those people, like me, that have faced large challenge after large challenge, and dare I say see no real end in sight, it is worth the introspect to determine just how it is you face the hurdles that appear in your path.  What do you normally do when the going gets tough?  Is it working for you?  Is there something you could do better?  Are you taking care of yourself?  Is your focus on the right thing?

When I am feeling defeated and overrun (or run over) with life's challenges, the first thing I do is pray.  God can handle anything we dish out.  He's a big God.  He's tough like that.  The bible says to "pray without ceasing".

Right now, I feel as though I am drowning in resources and wish I had a little cabin in my woods I could retreat to in order to sort out all this information I have at my fingertips, clear my head, and return with a solid plan.  Since that opportunity does not exist in my reality, here I sit buried in paperwork, books, files, websites, and information in general, desperately trying to find where to start.

As if that all isn't challenging enough in and of itself, I have happened upon a new discovery in relation to my physical and mental well being.  A realization I have had for several years that I have been in perimenopause has been illuminated under a new light that stress compounds the side effects of perimenopause and further magnifies the side effects of hormonal imbalance.  Oh, yippee!  As you might well imagine I am eyeball deep in this life draining transition, and I am tired.  Exhausted.  Drained.  Wiped out.  Simply put, most days I feel as though someone has drugged me, and I could spend my entire day in bed sleeping, reading, and watching movies.  Yes.  That would 100% work for me right now.

However, staying in bed until I feel like getting up is not anywhere in the realm of my reality, so I press on.  I have done a few things to get my feet out of the muck and make my "one foot in front of the other" a tad easier.  Maybe what I've figured out for myself could be of some benefit to you.  We're all different, and we all carry our own set of unique burdens.  It is possible,  however, for us to learn from each other through our similarities as well as our differences.

What I've found to be true for me right now in my current set of circumstances is this:

1.  Put Myself First - Much like the guidance from the flight attendant to put our own oxygen mask on first, we do need to care for ourselves in order to be fit to care for our families and our communities.  We need to see to our health, both spiritual and physical.  I sought out help and began a new supplement regimen in order to address some long standing health concerns that have really been dragging me down.  It's a slow process, but I am starting to feel better.

I also provide time for myself to begin my day with prayer and Bible study.  It's amazing how just a little time in the morning with our creator can change our perspective and reset our sights on what is good and important.  Quiet time in study and/or reflection is the perfect way to begin our day on the right path with a healthy perspective.  I find I am better for it, as is my family.

2.  Establish and Guard a Schedule - UGH!  I detest this one!  Seriously.  This is SO challenging for me, but the fruit is undeniable.  I have three children ages 3.5, 4.5, and 9 in July.  They thrive on a SET IN STONE schedule.  It drives me batty!  You did see the post where I wrote about being an eclectic educator, right?  Well, I have grown to like flexibility over regiment.  Part of that may be due to my last batch of homeschoolers being high schoolers.  Life is different when you're strictly working with the young adult to adult crowd.  It's a whole different ball game with toddlers and elementary aged children.  They thrive on schedule, and as much as I'd like to say it isn't necessary, IT IS.  (If I knew how to enter a sad face right here, I would.)  I've seen the results first hand, and life without schedule, predictable schedule, isn't pretty.  Trust me, it isn't.

When my children know what to expect, they are much happier.  They fight less, cry less, and cooperate much, much more.  They are overall completely different children.  Somehow, too many errands, field trips, play dates, and general time away from home stresses them out.  It's a slippery slope.  A good friend once told me of the importance of guarding your home.  I didn't completely understand it at the time, but I totally get it now.  This is part of it.  Saying no to things we want to do in an effort to keep the best interest of the family as a whole intact is essential, at least in part, to guarding our home.  I recognize this as a stage, and for the time being at least, we are going to be "home bodies".  As much as I may dislike missing out on fun, I know there is greater reward in honoring the specific needs of my children now.  Time is fleeting.  There will be new challenges on the horizon.  Caring for my family in the most healthy way, even if that means a predictable stay-at-home schedule, is more important than any other thing on my to-do list could ever be.

3.  Cut Myself Some Slack - And, A LOT of it!  How's that song go?  "We're only human, born to make mistakes."  Or, something like that.  The point is that we are not perfect.  We've never been perfect.  We will never be perfect.  Life is much easier if we just accept that fact.  We will make blunders, and a lot of them.  It's our destiny whether we want to accept it or not.  Being imperfect is just a simple fact of life.  We can make a conscious effort to forgive ourselves, learn from our mistakes, and move on from that point leaving the error behind like discarded rubbish.  It's as simple and as complicated as that.

4.  Go with the Flow - Okay, I know I said "Establish and Guard a Schedule", but we also need to remember that life happens.  Life is complex and messy and unpredictable.  As much as we need to have a plan and honor it, we also need to be flexible.  We can usually manage to keep the general outline of our day.  Ours looks like this:

Breakfast

Bible Study and Devotion

Book Work

Chores

Free Play

Lunch

Quiet Time

Chores

Free Play

Dinner

Family Read Aloud

Bedtime

Where flexibility comes in for us is within each category.  Yesterday, I let the book work go to the side in favor of the amazingly creative make believe play that happened naturally.  Much more learning happens in these natural occurrences than any pre-planned book work I could impose.  I've learned to embrace them as they happen whenever possible.  I also encouraged creativity with the nearly-nine-year-old by taking a day off of her normal book work at quiet time to allow for her own personal exploration.  She was thrilled!  However, if this were to be a normal occurrence she would become bored easily.  I have found that just the right amount of flexibility and deviation from the normal schedule of events breathes life into our routine.  BUT, too much deviation causes stress and turmoil.  It is a fine balance, and I am learning to walk the line like a pro.

Another aspect of being flexible is to realize that our lives happen in seasons, and honor that.  What works for us right now may not work for us later.  We need to be prepared to change things up as our children grow, and life happens.  Sometimes we need to amend our schedule, or even take a break.  The important thing is to keep you eye on the goal.  As long as we keep what's important in sight, our steps will continue to take us in the direction of progress, even when we can't readily see it.

6.  Have a Goal - It is important to know what we are working toward.  Getting bogged down in the minutia of life happens all too easily.  If we don't know why we are doing what we are doing, then our focus becomes muddled.  Our patience may even take leave.  Then, everything goes out the window, even the baby with the bath water.  If you have never taken the time to think about a mission statement for your life, or your homeschool, now would be a good time to do just that.  I haven't come up with something specific, but I do have an idea in my mind.  It looks something like this:

Our Homeschool Mission - 

"Provide an enriching environment that fosters a love for learning all the time in all we do 

in order to create within our children a strong moral base that includes virtue, integrity, and independence with a biblical perspective and love for Christ as the foundation."

On the days that I just feel overwhelmed and question what on earth it is I'm doing, I just remember the goal and everything comes back into focus.  That doesn't mean that I'm magically in a better mood, but I am more capable of carrying out my objective when I bear in mind why it is I am doing it in the first place.

5.  Be Interesting - You may have read my recent post about my new found love for Dr. John Rosemond.  One thing that he emphasizes time and again is that his mother was interesting.  It is important to be an interesting person in order to properly lead our children.  That is why it is important to allow ourselves the time, and give ourselves the permission, to explore things that feed our soul, inspire us, tap into our creativity, and give us joy.  It may help to take a little inventory.  I enjoy reading, photography, research, cross-stitch, writing letters, blogging, gardening, nature, and occasional naps (my own personal quiet time).  Up until recently, I could not tell you the last time I'd done ANY of these things!  I had allowed everyone and everything to come before me.  Talk about out of balance!  This is a baby-steps project for me.  The fist step was reestablishing our schedule.  This allowed me at least a couple hours to focus on things I needed or wanted to do.  So, there is a silver lining to our new found order; time for me.

6.  Do NOT Compare Myself or My Family to Others - As homeschoolers this may be one of our biggest challenges.  It is quite easy to look at the families around us, see their successes in a vivid light, and allow them to cast a shadow on our accomplishments giving a dim view of our own homeschool life.  We all have strengths and weaknesses.  God wants us to flourish as ourselves, not our neighbor.  We have been created unique individuals with strengths and weaknesses all our own.  It is our job to build on our strengths and strengthen our weaknesses.  We will succeed the most when we work to become who we are, not who our neighbor is.  It is helpful to take inventory of what we are doing well.  Again, it comes down to focus.  Be happy for the success and accomplishments of our fellow homeschoolers, but don't let them become a standard to uphold for yourself.  Everyone has their own seasons, and we are all not in the same season at the same time.  What is good for me right now may not be at all relevant to you, and that is perfectly good and normal.  Be okay with who you are, where you are, when you are there.  This can still be a challenge for me at times, but generally speaking I have learned to accept my place in life and do the best with what I have where I am.  I am much happier when I am actively doing this.

7.  Love Unconditionally - One of the most profound understanding I gained as I matured over the years is the simple fact that LOVE IS A CHOICE.  Literally.  No bones about it.  It is just a simple fact.  Love is not an emotion.  It is not earned.  Either we choose to love, or we choose not to love.  When we choose love we give a great gift to the one receiving our love as well as to ourselves.  Choosing to love is work.  It is, dare I say, rarely easy.  If we base all our decisions and actions on love, our lives as well as the lives around us are a lot different.  Things become markedly better.  In all circumstances choose love.  Easier said than done.  I know.  BUT, it is 100% worth the effort.

I don't have everything figured out, and this list is by no means all inclusive.  The past several years have seen us through many twists and turns, hills and valleys, and even a u-turn or two, but we have persevered.  We have learned, and we have grown.  Our focus has become refined, and our purpose has changed.  For me, personally, I have had to do a lot of soul searching, spend a lot of time in prayer, and offered up a lot of forgiveness; for others as well as myself.  It has not been easy, but we are still here.  We are still learning.  We are still loving.  We are still growing.  We are coming out of our winter and into spring.  Even though today marks the literal fist day of summer, we are not there yet.  It is still our spring, and we will ease into summer when the time is right.  With that we remain on schedule, and flexible.

"Anyone can give up.  

It's the easiest thing in the world to do.  

But to hold it together when everyone else 

would understand if you fell apart, 

that's true strength."

Waiting for the Bloom

  

It's been a while since I've participated in Friday Farm Girls, and I did miss it.  Thank you to Illinois Lori from Serenity in the Suburbs for resurrecting this old project of hers.  It really does bring me great pleasure to document our progress from finding the bits of country within our small city space to actually creating a life in the country.  Yes, I am officially a Farm Girl now.  Well, sort of.  

In August of 2011 we purchased 11 acres in SE Michigan.  It's like moving to another world.  Our home for the past 15 years, and the only way of life we'd ever known, was located in a very urban suburb of Detroit.  It was my next to youngest son that opened my eyes to the nature that existed around us and made my existence in the city much more bearable.  See?  I always wanted to live in the country.  Our 'Five Year Plan' turned into a '15 Year Plan', and this meant I had to deal with some emotions along the way.  It was only after I accepted where I was, made it home, and stepped out of the way that God was able to do amazing things in our life.

Anyone that's visited The Zoo Crew any number of times knows the journey we've been on.  We are a combined family of now eight children.  We came together as a blended family with seven children never imagining there would be an 'ours' in the future.  Well, surprise, surprise!  We adopted Avery and brought him home from the hospital in January of 2010.  Essentially, we are starting family life all over.  We actually get to raise one, at least one, child in the setting and the fashion we always dreamed of with the others.  It is an amazing gift that I am so thankful for.  

You see?  I never wanted to raise children in the city.  Something within the core of my being told me that I needed to be in the country; my family needed the country.  For whatever reason that was not to be, until now. It's almost like getting a second chance at life.  I am quite certain I would have been more physically up for the challenge at 27 than 41, but you'll hear no complaints here.  There is a big blessing going into it with the love and appreciation I now hold based on my personal experience to this point.  Now is a time of discovery in so many ways.

We have done so many things already in the eight months we've been here.  Time is flying by, and we are setting our priorities.  The property we bought was lacking just two things that I can tell.  One is a barn, and two is proper care.  We intend to provide both.  Our first really big project will come this summer.  We are preparing to erect a pole barn.  This has been such a long process already.  We're hoping to see it come to fruition by the end of July.  We'll see how that works out.  If I've learned only one thing in the process called living it is to be flexible and not hold too tightly onto expectations.

Here is a little glimpse into our new world and some of the projects we have done on our land already:

 Re-roof shed and lean-to as well as animal structure not pictured.

 Remove shrubs and old porch to create new covered porch.
 (Time to take an after picture.)

 Purchased a 'new to us' tractor for all our many projects to come.

Had a double semi load of wood delivered.  It's enough wood to heat    our home for about four years.  This will give us time to manage our property, harvest downed trees, and give them time to season.

The inner pile was as large as the outer.  That's how much we got  chopped and stacked so far.

Cleaned up the overgrown hedgerow of lilacs.  This involved removing two trees and a huge bush.  You can see how wet the ditch was.  It drains nicely and stays relatively dry now.

 Working on the hedgerow.







We cleared this area of all undergrowth.  We are currently preparing it as our first planting bed.  I added a Flowering Almond, two butterfly bushes, and two blueberry bushes so far.  Still lots to do here!

Paid to have the wood pile moved by a local man with a bigger tractor. Now there's room to prepare for the pole barn.

Planted six trees.  This is the Jane Magnolia I've always wanted.  We laid Gypsy to rest underneath the tree.  She was my awesome dog of nearly 15 years that passed right during our move.

As I take the time to get to know our new space on Earth I am finding that I am learning a new lesson.  There is joy in the waiting.  Spring is a time of discovery, and since this is our first spring on this piece of land, everything is a new discovery.  How exciting is that?

We moved here in the fall when everything was doing what it does to get ready for winter.  It wasn't long before the fall blooms faded, and the leaves fell from the trees.  The landscape changed.  Most things living went into hibernation, and so did we in a way of sorts.  We slowed down.  Inside and outside work ceased. No more remodeling, no more big outdoor chores.  The most labor intensive thing we did was stack wood, and we even got a lot of slack on that this time thanks to the incredibly mild winter we had here in SE Michigan.  It was a time of waiting, planning, and getting comfortable in our new surroundings.  We had never lived anywhere else together.  This was a huge undertaking in many ways.

As the weather has begun to give glimpses of summer we have made our way outside.  We have discovered so many things on our land in these few months.  We've learned to be patient and see what things growing do without disturbing them, if we're uncertain as to what they are.  Our curiosity has been renewed.  It is a constant joy to get to know all the living things on our land, plant and animal alike.  We have quite the bunny population explosion going on now, too!  I've discovered where the Chickadees live, and they even built a nest under the roof of our new porch.  I am hoping to have one feed from my hand this summer.  How cool would that be?

Great, beautiful things can happen when we get out of the way and allow ourselves to be guided by something bigger than ourselves.  Some things take longer than others.  Waiting is so important.  Everything worthwhile takes time.  Fall mums are a good example.  In the spring they sure don't look like much.  They're just dead sticks poking out of the ground, if you've not cleared them away the fall before.  I don't know how many times my hubby asked me, "Are you sure they'll grow back?"  I had to reassure him constantly so that he didn't destroy the area where they were growing.  The other day I got to point out to him that they were indeed coming back.  They're barely an inch tall now, but they'll be over a foot in the fall and full of blooms.  Just like they are supposed to be.  Everything blooms in it's time.  Us included.

There are a few bunches of greenery on our property that I have been anxiously awaiting to find out what they are.  Something inside of me just knew they were flowers, even though they didn't look like much.  I pointed them out to the hubby so he didn't destroy them in his endeavors.  He has a knack for doing just that.  Thankfully, we've gotten pretty good at communicating with each other about these things over the years, and he will actually seek me out when it comes to all things growing.  It's just not his department, and he's devastated me enough times over the years wiping out something I've been growing.  Purple Irises come to mind, but that's another story.  Anyway, just about the time I was about to give up the notion that my instincts were correct, and accept that maybe this greenery really wasn't a flower after all, something changed.  Buds appeared on the tips.  I knew it!  The greenery was set to produce flowers, but when?  More waiting.  And, then...

Gorgeous, or what?  Now, I believe this little beauty was worth the wait.  I have a few bunches of them on the property, and I am so thankful.  There wasn't much of the way of landscaping present on our property, so I really have my work cut out for me.  See?  I enjoy growing flowers and produce.  I am so excited to have enough land to actually grow fruit in addition to vegetables.  We have a ton of brambles on the property that I believe to be raspberries, we have a small patch of strawberries given to me by our old neighbor, and there are several fruit trees on the property.  The trees will require some attention, and it will likely be a couple of years before we can really get them to produce usable fruit due to their neglect and the dramatic overgrowth of the plants around them.  In addition to what already existed, I added two blueberry bushes and a cherry tree.  So exciting!

All of these different things, the Lilac Row that needed tending, the Fall Mums, the Brambles, the Fruit Trees, the Mystery Plants yet to be discovered for what they are, and the new goodies we planted recently, all of these things will bloom in their own time.  What a beautiful lesson.  

The Lilac Row needed our help.  We cleaned up the mess, set them free, and got out of their way so they could bloom where they are planted.  

The Fall Mums require no attention.  They are content to do their own thing, and when the time is right, they too, will bloom where they are planted.  

The Brambles have been there for at least decades, I am sure, maybe even longer.  They need no help from me to grow and produce fruit.  Sure, a little tending here and there may help produce better fruit, but the plant intrinsically knows what to do all on its own.  

The Fruit Trees require some assistance, so we will clear their trunks, and set them free from the encroaching wilderness so that they can get the nutrients they need and put their energy into producing an abundance of fruit for a fall harvest.  

The Mystery Plants are content just as they are.  No help is needed from me, but I have no problem relocating them to a new location in order to save them from destruction or allow them to shine more brightly and better share their beauty.

The new goodies require extra attention because they are young and fragile.  They need protection and the proper care to grow into strong, thriving plants that produce their own respective blooms and fruit.

Each and every living thing on our land is unique.  It has it's own personal history.  It's own journey, so to speak.  Each one requiring it's own special amount and type of care to reach it's full potential.  If it is too crowded its blooms will be less abundant and not as easily seen.  However, given the proper care and the right amount of space each one will shine in its own special way.

Oh, how we can learn so much about ourselves and those around us if only we pay close attention to what the things of nature teach us.  God is in the details.  His lessons are everywhere.  If only we learn to take the time to pay attention and take in what is all around us.  Wait patiently for the blooms.  They all open in their own time.

"Bloom where you are planted, and encourage others to do so as well."

I Corinthians 7:17-24