Creative Date Ideas Revisited

I originally shared these ideas back in 2009 after my husband and I attended a marriage retreat.  We've been a few times over the years and will be attending again next month.  Any excuse to visit Camp Au Sable is a good one.  It's been a long time since we've been away together for a weekend, and even longer since we've been to Camp Au Sable together.  We are very much looking forward to it.  In the meantime, these ideas truly stand the test of time.  I don't know about you, but we could stand to review this list, as more often than not we end up at the grocery store on our evenings out.  There are definitely more interesting ideas than that listed here!

Ideas for Creative Dates

• Pick up a book of local walks and choose one where you have never been before.
• Take a day course together and learn to do something new like make stained glass, fix car engines, paint watercolor, make baskets, cook a cultural meal, etc.
• Go out to eat changing restaurants for each course.
• Meet in the park with a packed lunch. Pretend you've never met before, and spend time getting to know each other while you feed the ducks.
• Go to a place where there are street performers, and enjoy the show.
• Try a new type of restaurant that you never before have explored like Thai, Cantonese, Tuscany, Vegetarian, Polish, etc.
• Share a spa day together.
• Visit a card shop. Read the funny cards together. Choose one that you would like to give to the other person, and either share it there or buy them and take them home.
• Charter a boat for an hour or two. Take a picnic lunch and a book of poetry or a humorous book about marriage.
• Take a blanket to the top of a hill. Lie on your backs and view the night sky. Bring along a book of constellations so that you can try to locate them. Take a thermos of hot cocoa or soup to share together. You might even see some shooting stars!
• Learn to ice-skate together, try go-karting, or buy a kite and fly it together.
• Find a free concert to attend or special evening at the museum.
• Visit a cathedral together and ask for the children's guide to the building. They often give a lot of unusual facts about the building and interesting details to look for. Stay for evensong for a peaceful and ethereal experience. Enjoy a meal in the cathedral cafe', or a nearby restaurant.
• Go out for dessert and coffee. Take your time, and enjoy the experience savoring your treat and your conversation with each other.

Ideas for Evenings Indoors

• Choose a menu together and cook a meal for two at home. Try cooking an Indian meal and serve it wearing an improvised sari, or a Japanese meal, to eat sitting on floor cushions around a low table. Find some music to suit the culture and enjoy the evening. If cooking's too much for you order takout. You could even watch a relevant film or play regional music to add to the mood.
• Compile a list of videos you'd both like to see together so you know which ones to rent when you have the opportunity. Don't forget the popcorn!
• Play your favorite childhood board games.
• Surf the Internet together for ideas for your next outing or holiday.
• Find or buy some crayons and drawing paper and have a go at drawing each other's portrait.
• Buy some child's modeling clay and try to sculpt a model of each other's head.
• Find a piece of old furniture that needs refinishing and remodel it together, or finish an unfinished piece of wood furniture giving it your personal touch. Sign and date your creation.
• Share five special memories you each have about your relationship and five special hopes or plans for the future.
• Borrow a book about massage from the library and learn how to give each other a massage with fragrant aromatherapy oils.
• Find a modern Bible and read the Song of Solomon to each other. You may be surprised at what you find!
• Make a scrapbook of memorabilia of your fun times together. Jot notes of ideas for more fun times together in a notebook so that you're never short of new ways to have fun.
• Make something nice to drink like lemonade or hot cocoa, depending on the season, and curl up with old photo albums or family films.

With a little time and thought you can begin to put some of the fun of dating back into your marriage.  Try these ideas out for size:

• Think about the things you did together for fun before you were married.
• Think about the things that you always wanted to do but never had the time or the opportunity to try.
• Write a list of 10 places you'd like to go or things you'd like to do on a date together. Swap lists with each other and see what you've each written. Take turns choosing a date idea from you spouse's list. Keep adding new ideas to the list.
• Do all you can to make the dating occasion enjoyable, even if it is not the sort of thing you'd normally do. Focus on your spouse's enjoyment and find little ways to add delight and surprises to the experience, such as secretly buying him or her a special souvenir that they said they liked, or finding a new place to eat lunch, or meeting them with a bunch of flowers.
• At the end of each date, make sure you know when and where the next date will be. Looking forward to something is half the fun!
• Have a list of fun things to do at home too for those times when you don't feel like going out or when you cannot get a babysitter.

Behold the Power

One of the most powerful books I have ever read, more than once, is The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian.  If your marriage is anything at all like mine you have weathered a storm or two, or fifty, as a married couple.  I don't think I've ever felt more helpless than when my husband is struggling on a deep and personal level.  How this book crossed my path I am unsure, but I am forever thankful.

Personally, I believe there no more powerful tool at our disposal than prayer, and I hold it as a treasured gift.  It is unclear to me how I ever made it as far as I did before I ever discovered the power of prayer within my own life.  I do, however, attribute my survival to my dedicated and prayerful grandmother, among other caring family members.  Prayer is our direct connection to God; our family tie if you will.  There is no better place to focus our time and energy than with our relationship with the Father.

I have felt compelled to pick up this wonderful tool once again.  Initially I was just going to access the prayers, as they are powerful in and of themselves.  So much so that they have now published the prayers separately for quick reference.  However, it has been about a year now that life fully knocked us off our feet, and my time with the Creator has suffered.  Inadvertently so has my marriage relationship.  It's no surprise, really, when time is of a premium.  There are only so many hours in a day, and some things take longer to bounce back from than others.  When life throws you a curve ball sometimes it hits you square between the eyes!  It can take some time to focus past the stars circling your head.

In the past year we have welcomed two new young ones into our fold, settled more fully into our county home, experienced the re-entrance and exit of our college age son to and from our home - leaving a huge wake that we are still recovering from, and severed some pretty strong family ties.  There is a lot of emotional energy that was expended through these huge life events right at a time when we were expecting to experience a more laid back way of life.  Then, of course there's more, you add on a struggling business just to frost that tasty life cake, and you've got one sweet concoction sitting right in the middle of your dining room table.  It's a cake I'd rather toss in the trash than indulge in, but alas it is our lot to eat every last bite.

Here in lies the choice.  Will every bite be bitter and hard to swallow, or will we find the sweetness that lies within?  Enter The Power of a Praying Wife.  Past experience has taught me that when my mind is focused on my relationship above, and my relationships with those near and dear, the bites I do have to swallow taste all the more sweet.  When I choose to start my day with prayer, especially prayer focused on my most important relationship, the day goes by much more smoothly than when I neglect to do so.  Today I choose to focus on the most important things.  Today I begin with focused prayer for my husband.

"Through wisdom a house is built, 

and by understanding it is established; 

by knowledge the rooms are filled 

with all precious and pleasant riches."

~ Proverbs 24:3,4

It's a Hard Knocks Life

Life can be so strange. So, what's new, right? There have been so many blessings of late. Avery's adoption was final May 7th, and we held his dedication at church on June 5th. Business is good at our transmission shop. We're not getting rich or anything, but God is blessing us with enough to meet and exceed our needs and have some left over to help others. Our family is healthy physically, and the mental stuff isn't really too much to handle. Nothing is really, truly over the top at the current moment.

However, things do have a way of never leveling off. Our normal is just a little too crazy for me. It really can be exhausting. I find it difficult, if not impossible, to adjust to our lifestyle even after 14 years. It's just crazy! All my life I have sought peaceful and stable. Well, I've achieved, at least currently, financial stability, but emotional stability is another story. Things are always so chaotic. There is always such need, and it's me that is always needed. There is not one person in our entire family that divides themselves up the way that I do, and I am exhausted. It really does get to be too much.

I would SO love to just focus on the people living in my home, but I am always needed by those living outside of my home. Every time I think I've arrived, something else comes a long to suck away my time. Then, to top it all off there is continuous strife between the hubby and I. The poor guy takes everything, and I do mean everything, personally. That is exhausting...for the both of us. I honestly do not know how he lives with himself when everything is such a big deal. I seriously could not cope with that intensity of emotion. No thank you!

My newest endeavor is to learn how to accept my husband the way he is and how to not react to his intense emotion. Talk about challenging! I seriously do not know how to do that. I have been praying about it, but I still have a long way to go. This is a major "baby step" project that feels like it will take an eternity to accomplish. I so desire it, though!

There is no way that we can raise Avery the way that we desire if we do not get things under control between the two of us. The problem is that I sincerely do not know how to go about it. I can tell you that I have no desire to read ANOTHER relationship book. Counseling is a thing of the past. I doubt I could get him to do that again, and I'm not sure the real benefit other than having an impartial party there to mediate communication. I do miss that aspect of counseling to be sure. Our counselor moved south to work in the prison system. Maybe he was the crazy one.

Maybe I can locate a bible study that would aid me in this department. Any suggestions? I think I may look at the Women of Faith studies. I've done two of them that I really enjoyed. I'd love ideas of you all have any.

Creative Date Ideas

As I mentioned previously, Pat and I attended a marriage commitment weekend through our church organization this month. There were many things discussed, taught and shared. Over time I plan to share some of the resources and information with you. I think this is a good way to start. Here are some ideas to help you in spending quality time together:

Ideas for Creative Dates

• Pick up a book of local walks and choose one where you have never been before.
• Take a day course together and learn to do something new like make stained glass, fix car engines, paint watercolor, make baskets, cook a cultural meal, etc.
• Go out to eat changing restaurants for each course.
• Meet in the park with a packed lunch. Pretend you've never met before, and spend time getting to know each other while you feed the ducks.
• Go to a place where there are street performers, and enjoy the show.
• Try a new type of restaurant that you never before have explored like Thai, Cantonese, Tuscany, Vegetarian, Polish, etc.
• Share a spa day together.
• Visit a card shop. Read the funny cards together. Choose one that you would like to give to the other person, and either share it there or buy them and take them home.
• Charter a boat for an hour or two. Take a picnic lunch and a book of poetry or a humorous book about marriage.
• Take a blanket to the top of a hill. Lie on your backs and view the night sky. Bring along a book of constellations so that you can try to locate them. Take a thermos of hot cocoa or soup to share together. You might even see some shooting stars!
• Learn to ice-skate together, try go-karting, or buy a kite and fly it together.
• Find a free concert to attend or special evening at the museum.
• Visit a cathedral together and ask for the children's guide to the building. They often give a lot of unusual facts about the building and interesting details to look for. Stay for evensong for a peaceful and ethereal experience. Enjoy a meal in the cathedral cafe', or a nearby restaurant.
• Go out for dessert and coffee. Take your time, and enjoy the experience savoring your treat and your conversation with each other.
  

Ideas for Evenings Indoors

• Choose a menu together and cook a meal for two at home. Try cooking an Indian meal and serve it wearing an improvised sari, or a Japanese meal, to eat sitting on floor cushions around a low table. Find some music to suit the culture and enjoy the evening. If cooking's too much for you order takout. You could even watch a relevant film or play regional music to add to the mood.
  
• Compile a list of videos you'd both like to see together so you know which ones to rent when you have the opportunity. Don't forget the popcorn!
• Play your favorite childhood board games.
• Surf the Internet together for ideas for your next outing or holiday.
• Find or buy some crayons and drawing paper and have a go at drawing each other's portrait.
• Buy some child's modeling clay and try to sculpt a model of each other's head.
• Find a piece of old furniture that needs refinishing and remodel it together, or finish an unfinished piece of wood furniture giving it your personal touch. Sign and date your creation.
• Share five special memories you each have about your relationship and five special hopes or plans for the future.
• Borrow a book about massage from the library and learn how to give each other a massage with fragrant aromatherapy oils.
• Find a modern Bible and read the Song of Solomon to each other. You may be surprised at what you find!
• Make a scrapbook of memorabilia of your fun times together. Jot notes of ideas for more fun times together in a notebook so that you're never short of new ways to have fun.
• Make something nice to drink like lemonade or hot cocoa, depending on the season, and curl up with old photo albums or family films.

With a little time and thought you can begin to put some of the fun of dating back into your marriage. Try these ideas out for size:

• Think about the things you did together for fun before you were married.
• Think about the things that you always wanted to do but never had the time or the opportunity to try.
• Write a list of 10 places you'd like to go or things you'd like to do on a date together. Swap lists with each other and see what you've each written. Take turns choosing a date idea from you spouse's list. Keep adding new ideas to the list.
• Do all you can to make the dating occasion enjoyable, even if it is not the sort of thing you'd normally do. Focus on your spouse's enjoyment and find little ways to add delight and surprises to the experience, such as secretly buying him or her a special souvenir that they said they liked, or finding a new place to eat lunch, or meeting them with a bunch of flowers.
• At the end of each date, make sure you know when and where the next date will be. Looking forward to something is half the fun!
• Have a list of fun things to do at home too for those times when you don't feel like going out or when you cannot get a babysitter.
  

Stinkin' Thinkin'

It has not been too long yet, and I am already thinking I need to read The Sexually Confident Wife again. The book did a good job of teaching you how to keep your thinking in check, and I could use a booster shot. Why is it so easy to get off on a destructive thinking path?

It seems hubby and I are clashing heads a lot lately. It's not anything big, really. We just seem to spend a lot of time misunderstanding each other and being defensive. Even though I don't think what we are having a confrontation over is worth the magnitude of our attitude I just cannot seem to keep myself from going there.

As I am typing this I am wondering if I have been neglecting my prayer life. Oh, I pray constantly, but I haven't had my morning Bible reading time and beginning of the day prayer in probably weeks. I didn't realize it until this very moment. I know the importance of starting out on the right foot, but honestly I haven't even been getting breakfast regularly. Skipping meals is another thing I have struggled with for years. I know the destruction it inflicts on my body, so I have changed my ways. However, when things get hectic or stressful I just seem to naturally gravitate to old, bad habits. Let's recap. So far I have listed two bad habits; morning prayer time and breakfast.

As a mother it is so natural for me to put my needs first. It has been years that I have been thinking on a daily basis that I need to implement a regular exercise regimen. Yet, here I sit still needing to lose a full 60 pounds. If only mentally exercising your body would prove fruitful! I'd have been my ideal weight a year ago. Bad habit recap: no morning prayer, no breakfast, and no exercise.

Hmmm...I'm starting to see a pattern here. Maybe if I pledged to take care of myself first everything else would be easier to maintain. What do you think? Even though my schedule is insane I think now is the time to try something new. For the next seven days I am going to slow down. I am going to do some low-impact exercise, spend time in the Bible and prayer, and eat breakfast each and every day before I do anything else. Do you think it is possible?

I'll let you know how it goes.

Sexual Confidence

Yes, this is a Christian blog. And, yes, healthy christian couples have sex. (How do you think you got here?) However, none of us really talk about it. Honestly, lack of discussion and openness is a bad thing. Sex is a gift from God. It unites us as a couple, "And they shall become one." It also draws us closer to God.

Unfortunately, there are many of us out there that have an unhealthy relationship with sex. We have issues from the past that stay with us and interfere with our marriage relationship. Maybe we had parents that were unaware of how to speak to us in regard to sex and marriage. It could be that our parents did not set a healthy example of the sexual aspect of marriage for us. Maybe sex has been taboo your whole life.

Our inability to deal with our own issues and move into a higher intimacy with our spouse and with God will create more adults, currently our children, that have the same issues, or more. Learning to embrace our sexuality as a gift from God, dealing with our issues, and setting an example for our children is essential to their success as confident, married adults. Our willingness to introduce sexuality to our children as a healthy, blessing from God could potentially change their lives.

I recently read The Sexually Confident Wife by Shannon Etheridge. I cannot recommend it highly enough. I was a little embarrassed when I checked it out from the library, but I am SO glad that I did. It is an amazing book. Shannon is blatantly honest and forthright in the information she shares. The Sexually Confident Wife gives straight forward information on issues like healing past scars, body image, techniques, boundaries, overcoming the "church lady" syndrome, and talking to our children.

The Sexually Confident Wife is a tastefully written, informative guide to the mind, body, heart, and spirit. This is a must read for any woman that is, or plans to be, a wife. It wouldn't hurt matters if her husband read it too! If for no other reason, read this book for the future of your daughters.

Waxed and Wounded

I have been experiencing vertigo for about a month and a half now. It's exhausting to say the least. It happened to me again yesterday evening on my way to the chiropractor while I was driving. Can you say, "bad trip"? It was the most horrible experience ever. I sure hope this gets under control soon. I actually had to have my husband come and pick me up, because there was no way I could drive myself home. It's amazing that I made it there to begin with. I cannot believe how much it sapped out of me. That is the part of me that is "waxed".

Now, to the "wounded" part. Maybe some of you can enlighten me on spousal communication. I have been feeling under attack from my husband for way too long now. It has to have been months. It is really taking a tole on me and totally messing with my head. Remember? I am already "waxed"! Now, I have to deal with this on top of it. The horrible part is that he shows no sign of easing up, and he doesn't get it at all.

Every time I turn around I'm just going about my business, and the next thing I know he's lashing out at me. I feel sucker punched on a daily basis. For example, we were leaving for church this morning. The prearranged plan was for our daughter to drive the boys, and hubby would take me to the chiropractor before we headed there ourselves. Our daughter needed to make it to an appointment after church, so we would be bringing the boys home with us. This means that we needed to drive a vehicle that had enough seats. That would be the Camaro, not the work van which only seats two, including the driver.

When we went to leave, he headed for the van. In a completely normal, everyday voice I asked, "I thought we were taking the Camaro." He turned around and started yelling at me. I was totally shocked. Well, maybe not totally, because I am, unfortunately, getting used to this kind of treatment. He had an ulterior motive for wanting to drive the van and had totally dismissed our earlier conversation without saying anything to me about it.

So, in an attempt to dissuade his anger, I offered a solution that allowed us to drive the van and gave the boys are ride home from church. Everyone should have been happy, right? Well, I guess that's in another world, because it wasn't in mine. After we got in the van he went on the attack again. He proceeded to tell me how we need to quit nit-picking each other and quit being so critical. I was totally confused and VERY frustrated.

See? I've had about my fill of all I can take of this. Honestly, no exaggeration, this is a daily occurrence. At least once per day he gets angry with me for something I say, tells me how I'm letting him down, and criticizes me over something. I'd had it. So, I told him just that in so many words, and I also let him know that I didn't deserve to be treated like that. I also asked him what I did, and I swear this was his response. He said that I should have said, "I didn't know we were taking the van." Can anyone enlighten me as to how this is any different or better than was I actually said? Please! He could not tell me when I asked.

We've not discussed this further. It's how we started our day, and it's where it stayed. Nothing resolved. I cannot keep up like this, but I do not know what to do to change it.

My prayer today was that I would never again raise my voice to my husband, no matter what. I know that I will fail at this initially, but I do think it is a viable goal with some practice and dedication. I am currently doing the study, Power of a Praying Wife, with a good friend. I really pray it helps. I don't know how to deal with this. It is VERY exhausting!

Feeling Blah

Do you ever have those moments, days, weeks, months; you know the ones where you just feel blah? I don't know that there is any better way to describe the feeling. Blah just about fits it perfect. Any idea what I am talking about?

I have been working through Healing is a Choice by Stephen Arterburn. I told you all about this book before. It's great, and I just love studying with a group. My husband and I are actually doing it simultaneously and attending the group studies together. I am so thankful! If it were not for learning about the process of healing I am most certain I would feel insane. Lord knows I have felt that way in the past. Isn't growing and learning the greatest thing?

I'll have to make it a point to visit some of your blogs that discuss marriage issues. I know that is what has me down. My husband and I have been together for over 11 years now, and we still have no idea how to communicate. I am most certain that life could have been much more pleasant if we only knew how to talk to each other. It has become my priority to learn how to maintain stability even when someone treats me in a way that I may deem not so nice. It is much more difficult than it might sound to stay centered even when you are feeling attacked.

I am so thankful for my best gal pal. If it were not for this one person that knows me totally and completely, accepts me for who I am, and listens to me even when I sound like a broken record I have no clue how I would survive. Thank you, God, for best friends! It has crossed my mind on more than one occassion how a good friend is such a gift from God and how lonely it must be not having at least one friend that you can tell absolutely anything at all.

So, even though I am feeling a little alone, I know I am not. I have God. I have my gift from God; my best friend. I have my family. I have my dog, Gypsy. I have a circle of friends. I have my church family. I may feel sad and alone, but I know that I am surrounded by supportive, friendly people.