Thursday, February 08, 2007


I have felt SO under attack lately. I MUST be headed for a breakthrough of some sort. What else could it be? It seems that every goal I have set for myself has been moved out of my reach. My whole year has been one trip up after another starting from the very beginning. It's very frustrating and difficult to not feel defeated. Despite this I trudge on.

My poor husband is struggling emotionally. We are in the Motor City, and he is a transmission mechanic. Need I say more? It's a dying business. He needs to find another means of making a living. This is all he's done his whole life. Talk about overwhelming and frightening. I feel for him, but I have no real brilliant ideas. I wish I did. You can believe that.

It is so difficult to watch someone you love struggle, be it in any manner. There is such a feeling of helplessness associated with such a view. The desire to help is almost overwhelming, yet helplessness endures. We are alone but for God in our situation. Our only solace is love and prayer.

We seem to do the "steps-forward and steps-back" dance with almost sheer precision. Our relationship has grown leaps and bounds, yet one mere disagreement can send us speeding off track. Life truly becomes a train wreck. We have mastered our relationship in smooth sailing, but have yet to learn the art of closeness in the storm. Unfortunately, I believe that to mean we need more practice. Oh, happy day.

The economy and culture where we live are both in the toilet. It seems near impossible to raise moral children in a worldly environment. How do people do it? Do we really have any influence on the outcome? Of course, we must. It is difficult to see having raised FOUR daughters to get pregnant out of wedlock while still teens. One plus is that they did it after completing high school, but I would have loved to have children later so that I could have made some more educated choices for their rearing.

In a perfect world I would have never sent any of my children to public school. I would have homeschooled every last one of them. Oh, to have children that actually valued my wounds and could see the lessons in my scars. They frighten me. I would love to be moved away somewhere with a little distance so that everything was not so in my face.

The desire of distance between myself and my children may seem a little cold to some, but I think it would do us all some good. Having been reared in public school they've learned to let others do their thinking for them. Maybe if we were not so accessible they would learn to be free thinkers more quickly. Somehow they need to learn to provide life abundant for themselves.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...