Friday, September 21, 2007

I am Here

If nothing else, I am here. So much happens in a day. It can really overwhelm the mind if one pauses to think what all is going on at any given moment. Good and bad things are happening all at once everywhere around the world. No matter my place in "The Grand Scheme", I am here. No matter where I sit, I am here. No matter the occasion, I am here.

It is amazing to me the profoundness involved in living. We can take it as far, or as little, as we like. Everything is a choice, my choice. Life continues no matter what I do. How it continues, that I impact...whether or not I am aware of my impact. We all matter. We may not know it, but we do matter.

There is so much happening any given moment, and I long to be in so many of the happenings. The desire to matter is overwhelming. Do not misunderstand me. I do not mean to matter in a popular sense or in a way of being acknowledged. I long to matter in areas of importance to the details. It is essential to my being to give of myself in a way to make a difference to the lives of others...beyond my corner of the world.

Life is so limited. Why not have it abundant? What is abundance? What matters to you? Are you a "Material Girl"? Can there be matters of more importance than worldly wealth? Have you paused for thought? I have, and I want more than things. I want substance. I want purpose. I want to matter in "The Grand Scheme". It is essential to determine what is good and to do it fervently.

It is my prayer that the world quits wasting it's time in matters of triviality and directs it's energy to love and kindness. If everyone gave just a little, oh what a wonderful world it would be. No matter the state, I am here.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Getting Scheduled

Today was our first day with our new schedule. It is SO against my nature to be SO scheduled. I am very organized by nature, thankfully, or I would likely crumble under the demands we have placed on ourselves this year. I have come very accustomed to our unschooling way of life. We have had years of total much as day to day life permits.

This year the kids chose to be part of a local homeschooling co-op. It is a BIG commitment for all of us. They like it a lot and have a good time long as they like it and want to participate I am honoring our lifestyle choice. I look forward to the day that I am in complete control of my time. Honestly, that day may never come as my husband loves to monopolize my time also. :-)

I do have many things that I would like to accomplish in my lifetime. I have been praying a lot for God to use me to his honor. I do not desire a lavish lifestyle, rather the ability to give plenty of myself in time and money. Using my gifts to the benefit of others is VERY important to me. I want to be as pure and honest as humanly possible. It is my desire to be open to prompting for the Holy Spirit.

Life has this way of sucking you in. Getting distracted happens so easily. It seems to happen more frequently the older I get. It is amazing to me that we actually raised seven children in our home at one time. Now there are only three here. Children are such a commitment that I don't think it matters the number. No matter how many we have to our responsibility we give them our all. They wear us out and bless us just the it one or ten children.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Much to Be Said

I have released a tremendous load from my shoulders. We had some big decisions that needed to be made. Information came slow, and we drug our feet. I think fear of the solution to a problem is often worse than the solution itself. Once we finally dug in and did the work required things resoved themselves quite nicely. Praise God! You would be amazed the impact this has on your spirit.

The very day I dug in and resolved the issue needing attention I was more productive than all the weeks prior. It was amazing. With such a burden lifted I was free to be myself. My mind cleared. I could think and plan and produce. It was like the fog disipated from my vision, and the view was amazing.

Pat and I have dealt with many things over the years. I have often been frustrated with myself for not learning lessons more quickly. It just might be that I have finally grown as a person. I feel weak and defeated. Maybe I am, but a great friend revealed to me the blessing that exists in such a state. When one finally admits defeat and has nothing left to give of themself God can begin his work. What better medium to create with than a blank slate?

Where I can see growth in myself most obviously is in the handling of my children. I accept my part of the responsibility in the current state of my relationship with the ones I have grown distant. Despite the pain distance may create it is often necessary for healing to begin. Children need space to grow. Sometimes we need the space as well. It is my prayer that this space will foster an even stronger bond over the passing of time.

This year has given us many challenges to face and lessons to learn. There is much to be said about rolling up your shirt sleeves and digging right in. Problems ignored grow and become overblown. Wounds fester. It is not a pretty situation for anyone to ignore the elephant in the room. Eventually that poo builds and the flies come. If left too long things stink and grow out of control. There is not much worse than a few flies in the house let alone many of them accompanied by a bad odor. No one can be at peace in such an environment.

Admit your weakness, and allow God room to work. Step back from yourself and watch what happens. Miracles do still happen. He can do amazing things with anyone. Yes, "anyone" does include you!


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