Tuesday, June 08, 2010

It's a Hard Knocks Life

Life can be so strange. So, what's new, right? There have been so many blessings of late. Avery's adoption was final May 7th, and we held his dedication at church on June 5th. Business is good at our transmission shop. We're not getting rich or anything, but God is blessing us with enough to meet and exceed our needs and have some left over to help others. Our family is healthy physically, and the mental stuff isn't really too much to handle. Nothing is really, truly over the top at the current moment.

However, things do have a way of never leveling off. Our normal is just a little too crazy for me. It really can be exhausting. I find it difficult, if not impossible, to adjust to our lifestyle even after 14 years. It's just crazy! All my life I have sought peaceful and stable. Well, I've achieved, at least currently, financial stability, but emotional stability is another story. Things are always so chaotic. There is always such need, and it's me that is always needed. There is not one person in our entire family that divides themselves up the way that I do, and I am exhausted. It really does get to be too much.

I would SO love to just focus on the people living in my home, but I am always needed by those living outside of my home. Every time I think I've arrived, something else comes a long to suck away my time. Then, to top it all off there is continuous strife between the hubby and I. The poor guy takes everything, and I do mean everything, personally. That is exhausting...for the both of us. I honestly do not know how he lives with himself when everything is such a big deal. I seriously could not cope with that intensity of emotion. No thank you!

My newest endeavor is to learn how to accept my husband the way he is and how to not react to his intense emotion. Talk about challenging! I seriously do not know how to do that. I have been praying about it, but I still have a long way to go. This is a major "baby step" project that feels like it will take an eternity to accomplish. I so desire it, though!

There is no way that we can raise Avery the way that we desire if we do not get things under control between the two of us. The problem is that I sincerely do not know how to go about it. I can tell you that I have no desire to read ANOTHER relationship book. Counseling is a thing of the past. I doubt I could get him to do that again, and I'm not sure the real benefit other than having an impartial party there to mediate communication. I do miss that aspect of counseling to be sure. Our counselor moved south to work in the prison system. Maybe he was the crazy one.

Maybe I can locate a bible study that would aid me in this department. Any suggestions? I think I may look at the Women of Faith studies. I've done two of them that I really enjoyed. I'd love ideas of you all have any.


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