Saturday, September 06, 2008

Waxed and Wounded

I have been experiencing vertigo for about a month and a half now. It's exhausting to say the least. It happened to me again yesterday evening on my way to the chiropractor while I was driving. Can you say, "bad trip"? It was the most horrible experience ever. I sure hope this gets under control soon. I actually had to have my husband come and pick me up, because there was no way I could drive myself home. It's amazing that I made it there to begin with. I cannot believe how much it sapped out of me. That is the part of me that is "waxed".

Now, to the "wounded" part. Maybe some of you can enlighten me on spousal communication. I have been feeling under attack from my husband for way too long now. It has to have been months. It is really taking a tole on me and totally messing with my head. Remember? I am already "waxed"! Now, I have to deal with this on top of it. The horrible part is that he shows no sign of easing up, and he doesn't get it at all.

Every time I turn around I'm just going about my business, and the next thing I know he's lashing out at me. I feel sucker punched on a daily basis. For example, we were leaving for church this morning. The prearranged plan was for our daughter to drive the boys, and hubby would take me to the chiropractor before we headed there ourselves. Our daughter needed to make it to an appointment after church, so we would be bringing the boys home with us. This means that we needed to drive a vehicle that had enough seats. That would be the Camaro, not the work van which only seats two, including the driver.

When we went to leave, he headed for the van. In a completely normal, everyday voice I asked, "I thought we were taking the Camaro." He turned around and started yelling at me. I was totally shocked. Well, maybe not totally, because I am, unfortunately, getting used to this kind of treatment. He had an ulterior motive for wanting to drive the van and had totally dismissed our earlier conversation without saying anything to me about it.

So, in an attempt to dissuade his anger, I offered a solution that allowed us to drive the van and gave the boys are ride home from church. Everyone should have been happy, right? Well, I guess that's in another world, because it wasn't in mine. After we got in the van he went on the attack again. He proceeded to tell me how we need to quit nit-picking each other and quit being so critical. I was totally confused and VERY frustrated.

See? I've had about my fill of all I can take of this. Honestly, no exaggeration, this is a daily occurrence. At least once per day he gets angry with me for something I say, tells me how I'm letting him down, and criticizes me over something. I'd had it. So, I told him just that in so many words, and I also let him know that I didn't deserve to be treated like that. I also asked him what I did, and I swear this was his response. He said that I should have said, "I didn't know we were taking the van." Can anyone enlighten me as to how this is any different or better than was I actually said? Please! He could not tell me when I asked.

We've not discussed this further. It's how we started our day, and it's where it stayed. Nothing resolved. I cannot keep up like this, but I do not know what to do to change it.

My prayer today was that I would never again raise my voice to my husband, no matter what. I know that I will fail at this initially, but I do think it is a viable goal with some practice and dedication. I am currently doing the study, Power of a Praying Wife, with a good friend. I really pray it helps. I don't know how to deal with this. It is VERY exhausting!

1 comment:

autismfamily said...

I have benign positional vertigo and it has happened when driving and I turn my head too quickly to see the other way.

It is scarey, here is some info on it:

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/benign_positional_vertigo/page4_em.htm

Good luck

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