Shaking My Head

Well, we're back from vacation. We took an extended weekend to Big Rapids, Michigan. Pictures and details will follow in a future post. It seems that reality bites rather frequently lately. My frequent readers are familiar with and have shared in my parental woes. Surprise, surprise! We have another one to limp through.

Our youngest daughter, the one we were holding out to make some great decisions for herself seems to be following in the footsteps of her older sisters much to our dismay. If you had asked me a couple years ago, I would have told you she was different. She had goals and dreams. She had a plan. I cannot say that anymore. Over the course of the past 2.5 years she has blown around $30K. After four years of living at home and working she has roughly $700 in the bank. She has consistently mismanaged her money, and she has wasted thousands of ours. The latest being that she totally blew off a year of college that we paid for out of pocket.

Now, the ultimate in bonehead decisions has been made. Our 19-year-old high school/college drop out has decided to move in with her homeless/jobless sister and her biological mother that is also jobless and has NEVER had her own home in her entire life. This is the sister that she quit her job of three years to babysit for, and she stiffed her never paying her a penny for over three months of daycare. This is the mom that abandoned her at the age of seven and disappeared for years not calling on birthdays or holidays. This is the mom that is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. This is a train wreck waiting to happen!

My poor husband's mind is just blown. I know he feels like such a failure, and I have NO IDEA how to be there for him. Personally, I am thinking this is just step one in her apparently needed process of growing up. I know the track record is horrific, and she has no money and a part-time, minimum wage job. I know the odds are VERY against her. I know she will most certainly get taken advantage of, and it will be a miracle if she doesn't end up pregnant. I know her innocence is lost. However, I have been there, done that way too much to feel too much pain about the situation. Their decisions are theirs. We have led in a much different direction, and they have run as fast as they can down a different path. We are disappointed, but I find it hard to be sympathetic or even worried. Is that wrong?

I am constantly blown away by my daughters, and I know of nothing else I can do other than pray and put my boundaries in place. I have learned to guard my boundaries like a bulldog. However, I see my husband still struggle with this one. The hard part for me is that he lashes out at me when he is stressed in this manner. I struggle not to react. I seriously do not know how to handle the situation when he is lashing out at me. It's just silly, honestly, and I know my reactions make a stupid situation toxic. Somehow, I need to get myself under control. This is a challenge I seem to consistently fail.

My good friend and ex-pastor's wife, Nancy, is sorely missed by me, especially in situations like this. She always had such great advice! What a rock she was. I miss her friendship so much. Prayers are still needed for her as she is still battling leukemia. I have not seen her since April. I hope to get to visit with her sometime soon.

Blessed in the Stress

I am nearing my 200th post and thought it might be fun to revisit some of my earlier writings before there were so many visitors to my blog. I found this one from July 9, 2006, and it is still pertinent today. I know there are many of you out there that can relate. Walk with me as I travel down memory lane...

Amongst diaper changings, spit-ups, over-tired crying, burping and swaddling I am still attempting to find the blessings. The kids have been great and very helpful. I have also been spending a little time reading at Young Grandparents. It does make a difference having the support of others.

When our limits are reached, and tested even further, it can be difficult to maintain. I am finding it essential to quickly figure out where my boundaries are and mark them clearly for others to see. Don't get me wrong. This is by no means easy for someone like myself. My personality wants to keep control in all situations. By control I mean mental control. I need to be with it. I need to do it all and not be weak. Don't ask me why I tend to view limits as weakness, but I am fervently working toward changing that way of thinking in myself.

Sure, I may be able to do it all, but do I want to? Does anyone in their right mind want to juggle 40 things at once spreading themselves so thin that there is nothing left for them to give? Besides how do we effectively give to those that we need to give to? How do we effectively give to ourselves? It is my experience that over extending one's self is toxic. Setting boundaries nurtures our soul.

After a near nervous breakdown I have set boundaries for myself. Being a young grandparent does not mean that I need to feel like a new mom. In order to make myself available to the children I am still actively raising I need to limit my commitment to my young-adult children with babies reminding myself that they are new moms, not me. Boundaries are healthy, and in the interest of the health of myself, and those that I love, I have set mine.

During this transitional time it has been essential for me to thank God for my blessings. Focusing on what we are thankful for in the center of stress is therapeutic. No matter our reality there is always some way that we are blessed. We may have to look a little deeper into our soul, but there is always something to be thankful for. No matter the stress, we are always blessed.