Blessed in the Stress

I am nearing my 200th post and thought it might be fun to revisit some of my earlier writings before there were so many visitors to my blog. I found this one from July 9, 2006, and it is still pertinent today. I know there are many of you out there that can relate. Walk with me as I travel down memory lane...

Amongst diaper changings, spit-ups, over-tired crying, burping and swaddling I am still attempting to find the blessings. The kids have been great and very helpful. I have also been spending a little time reading at Young Grandparents. It does make a difference having the support of others.

When our limits are reached, and tested even further, it can be difficult to maintain. I am finding it essential to quickly figure out where my boundaries are and mark them clearly for others to see. Don't get me wrong. This is by no means easy for someone like myself. My personality wants to keep control in all situations. By control I mean mental control. I need to be with it. I need to do it all and not be weak. Don't ask me why I tend to view limits as weakness, but I am fervently working toward changing that way of thinking in myself.

Sure, I may be able to do it all, but do I want to? Does anyone in their right mind want to juggle 40 things at once spreading themselves so thin that there is nothing left for them to give? Besides how do we effectively give to those that we need to give to? How do we effectively give to ourselves? It is my experience that over extending one's self is toxic. Setting boundaries nurtures our soul.

After a near nervous breakdown I have set boundaries for myself. Being a young grandparent does not mean that I need to feel like a new mom. In order to make myself available to the children I am still actively raising I need to limit my commitment to my young-adult children with babies reminding myself that they are new moms, not me. Boundaries are healthy, and in the interest of the health of myself, and those that I love, I have set mine.

During this transitional time it has been essential for me to thank God for my blessings. Focusing on what we are thankful for in the center of stress is therapeutic. No matter our reality there is always some way that we are blessed. We may have to look a little deeper into our soul, but there is always something to be thankful for. No matter the stress, we are always blessed.

The Weight of a Burden

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can cary on with the burden."

"Before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can." ~ Author Unknown

Life is full of little burdens and big burdens that can carry much more weight than a glass of water. Think of the physical stress you body endures due to the emotional stress you carry. Take a moment, breath deeply, and allow yourself to relax. Release your burdens, and don't pick them up again until you have taken some time to rejuvenate and refresh. Nurture your mind, body and you soul so that you can enjoy every moment of life bestowed upon you.

How Many Hats?

I am thinking this post will likely speak more loudly to women than it will to men, especially those women that are moms. There is a magnet on my refrigerator that a good friend gave me years ago. It is ringing ever so true for me right now. It reads, "I try to take one day at a time, but lately several days have attacked me at once!" Who knew that a magnet could speak so loudly through the morning silence.

Pat is off to work, and with him Andrew is at martial arts. This leaves Adrian and Amie in bed and me on our new computer. (Who knew our old one was SO old. I guess you just do not know what you are missing until you have something new. The old computer pales in comparison.) You would think that I, being the solitary type that NEVER gets enough quiet time, would be reveling in the silence. That would be true if my list of THINGS TO DO was not screaming inside my head!

Talk about overburdened. Check this list out, and see if you don't get a headache:

- Take post-Christmas stuff from kitchen to garage.

- Reorganize garage before tomorrow in preparation for husband unloading contents of our old transmission shop into it in preparation for going back into business at new location this year.

- Regain control in office which is still being attacked from post-Christmas remnants.

- Do 2008 filing and prepare for filing taxes.

- Update the bills, and do a new financial plan for the year. Put in place new savings plan in preparation for new business.

- Do the laundry, again!

- Update calendar to include new weekly and monthly commitment.

- Update calendar with Dustin in mind adding Tabitha's school and work schedule. (Dustin is our 2.5 year old grandson that I will be watching while his mom goes to college and work.)

- Prepare candy vending machines to be placed back out in the community in support of Solid Ground. Write up plan for Amie and Andrew to run business. Clean and empty machines. Get new candy. Get new stock of fliers and newsletters. Compile list of businesses.

- When old computers come back from repair capture bookmarks, email files, address book, and program files to disk for new computer.

- Create meal plan for month to prevent me from totally going insane.

- Write and mail Thank You cards for Christmas gifts.

- Box up gifts for Tammi and Rocco, daughter and grandson in Indiana, and mail. Do the same for grandparents in Florida.

- Plan our remaining educational calendar, and update my records. Gee, that's a quick and easy one!

- Get Amie's college books. They run almost $300, and she starts next week.

- Start back up with the Homeschool Teen Community Service team yet. We haven't met since October!

- Start planning VBS and the games for my family reunion in June.

- Start planning Christmas this month. My plan is to work on it one day per month until it gets closer. I just need to set aside the time.

- Get Adrian to make some real progress in his Pathfinder workbook. We have a ton of reading to do.

- Call Micro Center about new computer in regard to bright pixel on new monitor, missing product code for software, and the camera not staying closed.

- Pay cell phone bill and mortgage.

- Make sure kids' plans are straight for weekend outings and trips this weekend and next. Especially next weekend since I will be out of town.

- Plan a night away at nice hotel with husband as his Christmas gift to me. (Too bad he's not planning it, too, as part of the gift!)

So, do you have a headache yet? I know for sure that is not even everything. How does that happen? How do we get SO overburdened? How do things snowball to such an extreme? It seems to happen to me at least once, but more like twice, per year. I always make it through, but this time it seems so overwhelming.

Just how many hats is a mom supposed to wear, and can she possibly wear them all at once? How does she choose which one to wear and when, when the rack is so full of choices? I honestly feel like a toddler trying to choose what clothes I want to wear. Why can't someone just set out two choice for me to minimize my burden? All I have done today is get up, talk to Pat and Andrew briefly, send an email and do my Bible Study. I am already ready to go back to bed. It feels like 11 o'clock at night, not eight o'clock in the morning.

I am thinking the remedy for me right now is to go take a long soak in the tub with some Epsom salt. You would not believe the health benefits of an Epsom soak. We have a 1920's claw-foot tub that is five feet long. I am only five foot, four inches. It is the perfect tub for a soak. My husband and I found it in a salvage yard and re-did it when we remodeled our downstairs. The bathroom is by far my favorite room in the house. I seriously consider taking the tub with us when we finally get around to moving.

That is another thing I need to deal with. We have had our house on the market since mid-November. It is a terrible time to move, but we have wanted to for so many years. I need to get with the real estate agent and discuss our options again. It's time to review what they are and are not doing in regard to selling our home.

Johnathan Hatch at How to Get Rid of Things: A People's Guide to Better Living has a great article on How to Get Rid of Stress. There are some wonderful tips there as well as some great resources. I am going to start off first by making a TO DO LIST and hanging it on the refrigerator. It will put things in perspective for me. Next, I will update my calendar including allocating time for the things that I need to do. This will give me a light at the end of the tunnel and make things more manageable for me.

Stay-at-home-moms, home educators, working moms, single moms; MY HATS OFF TO ALL OF YOU!

Anxiety

How do you handle stress? Lately, I have been feeling a bit anxious. It seems my husband and I have been at a bit of an impasse, and it is causing me some unrest. We just haven't been clicking. Do you know what I am talking about?

We have been together for 11 years, and we are headed for our third wedding anniversary. Seems odd, I know. There's a bit of history there that I may share at a later date. Irregardless, we have seven children and four grandchildren with another in the "oven".

Being a combined family adds it's own spin on things. Then you factor in stresses like another daughter pregnant, a kid stranded in Georgia, a dad in the hospital, an unstable economic situation, business uncertainty, unwarranted debt, unexpected college costs, being home educators, and personal baggage. All things considered it's a wonder we're not in matching padded cells at the local loony bin. I would say relational woes would really be expected in such a life.

The thing of it is my current inability to process and react effectively. Yes, I am still praying constantly. If I didn't do that I'd surely at least have my own padded cell. I can't imagine functioning without a personal relationship with God. In my mind that would be certain death. Life is challenging enough with Him. I don't even want to try it on my own. Yes, I am still working through Healing is a Choice. I know it's beneficial, but putting one foot in front of the other is more and more difficult. It feels like walking through wet cement.

I keep trying to stay calm and not react flippantly to my husband when he lashes out verbally. I understand that he is under a tremendous amount of pressure. I know that all everyone really wants is love and respect. It is my goal to be loving and respectful in the face of confrontation. Could there be anything more challenging?

I use my husband as an example because it seems to be most challenging to engage in these practices with those we are supposed to be closest to, although I find this almost as challenging with my children. It does seem to be a little easier with them. The relationship dynamics are different, and kids seem to be more forgiving. However, my goal is to maintain emotional stability in the face of whatever is presented before me.

Do any of you have insight to share on this topic? I would love to hear how you deal with stress and maintaining a kind and loving attitude even when someone lashes out at you unexpectedly. It's like trying to stand upright after being punched in the gut. How do you do it?