Trying to Focus

To be honest I haven't gotten it together much since my last post.  I just put in one of my co-op orders.  It included a one pound bag of hot cocoa.  So, there's still hope.  Seems I'm anticipating this coming winter like I used to look forward to summer.  I am not alone in my longing this year.  Bella has been asking when it will snow again ever since spring began.  A girl after my own heart!

I have some changes in mind that have little to do with our homeschool and more to do with the sanity that comes along with a life more savored than rushed through.  This mindset is bound to effect our approach to education, but for now the planning of our academics remains the same.

We live about 20 minutes from everywhere.  In this diligent planning of excursions is of high importance so as to not waste time or money.  Years ago when it was just us and the first seven children in The Crew I did my grocery shopping once per month.  It's been on my mind to switch to that again.  The funny thing is that I kept that shopping format when we lived in the city where good shopping and frequent sales were plentiful.  It was just nice to knock it out once a month and not have to think about shopping for a few weeks rather than heading out every Sunday, the worst day to shop, gathering up our supplies for the week.  Also, we had a nice produce market within walking distance.  It made replacing perishables on an as needed basis very easy.  This time around we do not have such a convenience.  Where we are now, convenience costs more than I'm willing to pay most times, and it doesn't include anything fresh.  So, I've been giving this some thought.  Maybe once every three weeks would be more realistic.  I'll really have to figure this out soon since I want to get this started next month.

There are SO MANY benefits of shopping monthly as opposed to weekly, or even bi-weekly.  The biggest for me is the savings.  It also teaches you patience and learning to "make do"; the real essence of truly being thrifty.  We can be much more productive around the homestead when the bulk of our time is spent here.  There's time for games, spontaneous creativity, movie nights, baking together, and on and on.  Ultimately, I hope to use my time in the effort of food preservation, cooking ahead, pursuing my writing course, and working more on my love for photography.  Not to mention the natural health course I purchased nearly two years, yes that's YEARS, ago and never even opened yet.

We'll be learning how to over winter animals for the first time this year.  This is our first time ever, like in our whole lives, raising livestock.  We have chickens and sheep now.  Our oldest female is expecting sometime next month, and we're anxiously awaiting the new experiences a new lamb will bring to the homestead.  With the winters we've had these past two years I am a bit anxious about what caring for these critters will entail.  That's a huge change, going out side every.single.day no matter the weather.  Negative 30 can be really brutal.  Keeping them fed, watered, and sheltered will be a chore, I'm sure.  We are, however, enjoying the dynamic they being to our lives despite the work they require.  There is something to be said about raising your own food.

That brings me to the next thing I hope to achieve this winter.  Garden plans!  I managed to grow a little bit of food this year.  I did get 50+ bags of zucchini shredded up and put in the freezer, and we enjoyed the fresh cucumbers.  However, the chickens have managed to destroy the last of my cukes and are working at my tomato plants.  Jerks!  It's my fault.  I know.  All summer they left my small garden alone.  It's the old flower beds around our front porch.  That is, until I picked four zucchini and forgot to bring them in.  Seeing them laying there was just too much temptation for them to resist, apparently.  Ever since then I have been shooing them off the front porch and out of my vegetables.  UGH!

Next year we plan to have at least a few raised beds built with a fence erected around them to protect our food from the vultures, er uh chickens.  I've been drooling my way through my seed catalog and dreaming of the different things I'd like to grow next year.  I'm hoping my mom with partner with me in this project.  God blessed her with two green thumbs, and a couple of toes I think.  She plans to retire after her birthday in March.  Would be SO AWESOME to have her around more.  There are many, many things we can learn from her.  She's a work horse and would not be thwarted as easily as I when it comes to canning pickles on the hottest day of summer or braving the mosquitoes and humidity to harvest the bumper berry crop in the woods.  She has a way of keeping me moving forward.

Come to think of it, too bad she can't come over and get me motivated.  There are so many things eating at me right now.  I have not finished our school plan for this year, and we are slated to start in just a week and a half.  Then there's the housework.  I really wanted to do some deep cleaning.  My windows look like they've never been cleaned, and there are cobwebs giving birth to more cobwebs in the corners.  Oh, and the books!  I did make a lot of progress with my collection, but there is still more to be done.  How I dream of a fully cataloged library.  Key word dream!

So...

How am I dealing with this jumbled up conglomeration of dreams, wants, and needs that keep tripping me up on my course to a peaceful and prepared start to our new school year?  Sometimes it feels like I'm not, but I know that isn't true.

I've been giving myself A LOT of grace.  We are often times more hard on ourselves than anyone else, so it is appropriate to be the first in line to cut ourselves some slack.  We shouldn't expect perfection from ourselves anymore than anyone else should.  So, why do we do that?  I am actively trying to quit using the word lazy in reference to myself.  I am not lazy.  Repeat.  I am not lazy!  I am tired, overwhelmed, pressured, and a lot of other things, but I know that I am not lazy.  That negative self talk needs to hit the highway.

I make my morning studies a priority.  I have a collection of small books and bible studies that I like to start my day out with.  It helps a great deal to put my mind in the right place before I begin my day.  When my mind is more on Christ and less on my struggles it helps my feet to be firmly planted facing the direction they should be when I step out to face what lies before me each day.  Being grounded means something totally different to me as an adult.  It's a good thing.

I lean on a friend...or two.  Good friends are a real blessing, and I am thankful to count for myself a few.  It's so nice to have at least one person that will tell you like it is; set you straight when your thinking gets skewed.  Sometimes we just need to vent, or we need to run something past someone before we can more forward, especially when it comes to the challenges of life.  I'm willing to bet that most everyone faces difficulties and trials that they never could have imagined they would in their entire life.  Having at least one good friend that you can trust to protect your heart and guard your soul is more valuable than any earthly possession we could have.  Don't be afraid to learn on someone when times are challenging.

I enlist professional, or not so professional, help.  Maybe someone comes and watches the kids so I can take a day to myself.  Maybe I seek the advice of a therapist.  Maybe I get a massage.  Maybe I hire someone to clean my home a time or two.  Maybe I hire a local teen to do garden work or help me organize.  This falls in the realm of grace as well.  Sometimes we don't want to spend our time or resources on someone's help.  Sometimes we feel we don't have time to take off to take care of ourselves.  Let me remind you of the airplane and the oxygen mask.  Enough said.

I throw out the routine and change the plans.  Well, not every day, but here and there when we need to.  Sometimes the time is just right, and I allow myself to go with the flow.  Those are the best days!  No stressing over what wasn't done.  No worrying about falling behind.  Behind what?  Exactly!  No worries, period.  Just go with it.  Those are the times that make memories and rejuvenate the soul.

Now, I am going to go finish preparing dinner.  I am not going to worry or stress over the things weighing on my shoulders.  I am going to be present in the moment, do what I can, and take life moment by moment.  I will do what I can as I am able.

No worries.

A Fall Walk

 Now that the kids are getting just a little older I am able to carve out small amounts of time for myself.  I am learning more and more to identify those opportunities and grab them quickly and without guilt.  (Why have I struggled so much with guilt over the years?)  Anyway, progress IS progress, and I am growing and learning each and every day.  It is a beautiful thing.

Speaking of beautiful things, my property puts on quite a show no matter the season.  However, there is something glorious about spring and fall.  It is hunting season here, and my hubby loves his time in the woods in search of the next years dinner.  I do what I can to assist in the process.  Part of that is programming the trail cam and the timed feeder.  For some reason the feeder wasn't working, so I was asked to head out and figure out why.  The kids were very engaged in their activities.  I grabbed my camera and headed out.  It's a rare treat this time of year to get to walk my property.  The hubs is very protective of his space for fear we'll scare all he's hunting away and ruin everything for him.  (As a homeschooling mom with three eager to learn children this is a very challenging time of year for me.  I want to be out there with them exploring everything.  Fall is the perfect time to explore the woods, but we will wait until winter and spring for our closer look.)

Come along with me as I travel my property and explore what the absence of leaves has revealed:

"The God who made the world and all things in it, since he is Lord of heaven and earth,
 does not dwell in temples made with hands;" - Acts 17:24

"Worthy are you, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power;
for you created all things, and because of your will they existed,
and were created." - Revelation 4:11

"The heavens are the heavens of the Lord,
but the earth he has given to the sons of men." - Psalms 115:16

From the rising of the sun to its setting
The name of the Lord is to be praised." - Psalms 113:3

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."
- Colossians 1:17

"The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life,
And he who is wise wins souls." - Proverbs 11:30

"Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad;
for the tree is known by its fruit." - Matthew 12:33

"Moreover the Lord your God will send the hornet against them,
until those who are left and hide themselves from you perish.: - Deuteronomy 7:20

"While the earth remains, Seedtime and harvest, And cold and heat,
And summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease." - Genesis 8:22

"For they will wither quickly like the grass
And fade like the green herb." - Psalms 37:2

"Finally, brethren, rejoice, 

be made complete,

be comforted,

be like-minded, 

live in peace;

and the God of love and peace

will be with you." 

- II Corinthians 13:11

I hope you enjoyed our walk and that it revealed the beauty and peace that lies all around us if we only take the time to look.  The lessons of God are before us if we only allow the time to slowdown, be present, and open our soul to receiving the gifts of God through nature.  A peaceful walk alone in nature is sometimes all we need to nourish our soul and open our hearts to God.

I Love John Rosemond!

Okay, I love my husband a lot more, and love might be too strong of a word, but I do have a great respect for Dr. Rosemond.  He is a breath of fresh air to this couple right here.  We both enjoyed listening to him very much at the GHC convention in Cincinnati.  I thought it might be fun to revisit my notes and share with you what I learned.

Dr. Rosemond is very easy to listen to.  He is matter of fact and quite funny.  At the end of each seminar he left us wanting more; not that his talk was missing anything, just that he was that enjoyable to listen to.  My husband and I both agreed that we could have listened to him well into the night.

We feel challenged by the ideas of Dr. Rosemond.  His insight is well founded and spot on.  With his help, we traveled back several decades to the 1950's, and beyond, where he reminded us of the parenting styles of our mothers and grandmothers.  One thought that stuck with me is, "My mother expected me to pay attention to her."  Why, yes.  Yes she did!  His charge is that today's mother pays too much attention to her children, and that attention has profoundly negative effects on the very children we are so desperately trying to positively influence.

Based on his education in psychology and his own experience as a parent, Dr. Rosemond contends that this parental shift of sorts happened in the 1960's when parents quit listening to and learning from their elders in regard to parenting their own children.  Rather, they started listening to the flawed advice of psychologists and so called professionals.  From that point forward the behavior of our children has disintegrated, and our stress level has sky rocketed.  Today's mom has the bar raised so high that she can never achieve the standards she's set for herself, but she wears herself out to no end trying.  I have to admit my guilt in this one.  I have tortured myself day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, and even decade after decade trying so desperately to learn the best way to parent my children without messing them up too much.  What a daunting task it has been at times!

Dr. Rosemond contends that today's mother works much harder than the mothers of decades past while she raises half the children her grandmother did.  It's really ridiculous if you stop and think about it, and think about it I have.  My husband and I had already been pondering some of these things.  We just hadn't found our way quite to the level Dr. Rosemond took us.  One thing that always bothered me was the level of effort we put forth to extract obedience from our children; never mind the multitudes of failures in this department over the years.  I had already been discussing this with my husband.  Don't get me wrong.  I wasn't a perfect kid.  I made some terrible mistakes growing up, but for the most part I did what I was told when I was asked to do something.  My mom didn't have to fight with me to do my part around the house.  I knew what was expected, and I did it.  There were no chore charts, no allowance, and rarely a remind.  She never had to correct how I folded the towels or go behind me because I missed the corners when I dusted.  There was no reminder to put the milk back in the refrigerator, and she didn't have to remove something from the cupboard due to me putting it in the wrong place.  It didn't happen.  I was taught how to do things right and to do it right the first time.  There were no battles.  I've never been able to understand why I wasn't able to pull that level of efficiency off with our own children.  I always chalked it up to being a combined family.  Now, I would have to say that would be incorrect.

Another thing that really stood out to me is the point Dr. Rosemond made about his mom spending time with her friends and what they did, or didn't, talk about.  He shared that he had asked his mother what she used to talk about with her girlfriends when he was a kid.  Guess what?  It was everything BUT him!  I know I have personally spent a lot of time talking with trusted individuals about my parenting challenges over the years.  Moms of the past did no such thing.  They didn't talk about their children.  Instead, the talked about their interests and how they were spending their time.  They were INTERESTING!  Are you interesting?  I know I am not so interesting, and it has been a struggle of my heart.  I have been frustrated very much in this department for quite some time.  I am so wrapped up in my children that there is NO time for ME.  I have felt lost in parenthood for many years now.  A couple of years ago I was just glimpsing the illusion of freedom, and it did feel good, then we became parents of three instead of one.  (For those of you that are unfamiliar, we had already raised seven children when we adopted one more.  Then, we also became parents to two of our grandchildren unexpectedly.  Vacation over!  LOL)  I say illusion, because I really didn't know that I was my own gate keeper.

This idea ties into another area of discussion between the husband and myself, freedom for the kids.  Dr. Rosemond hit on this as well.  Kids NEED time that is unstructured.  In today's society we are SO structured with an abundance of activities.  We cart kids from one thing to the next, and they rarely have time all to themselves.  One thing I have known for a long time is that kids actually NEED to get bored.  Boredom does breed creativity.  My conclusion?  If we actually allow our children unstructured time to explore, play, and just be children, then we mothers will have plenty of time to explore, play, and just be ourselves.  We can take off our hats and truly be who we are.  We CAN be interesting!  We do not need to be so wrapped up in the lives of our children that we cannot do anything relevant to ourselves.  Seriously!  If we do not make it a point to be interesting and be MORE than mothers to our children our children WILL view us as dispensers of entitlements.  This, dear friend, is a fact.  I have seen it plain and simple in our family as well as the families of those near and dear to my heart.

How do you feel when I make this statement?  "Children should be seen, and not heard."  It used to ruffle my feathers.  Now, I view it in a totally different light.  I love including children in conversation, but there is a distinct line that has been muddied over the decades of degradation.  Though the aforementioned statement may seem blunt and harsh to we parents of today, there is a value in the philosophy that has been going right over our heads.  It may be even more relevant to those of us that are homeschoolers.  When children are "seen, and not heard" they are cast in the role of the student.  The distinction between adult and child becomes clear, and children are effectively taught to become adults.

We, my husband I, are still learning how to be effective parents in our home.  Raising seven children in the circumstances that we did taught us a lot.  It laid the foundation for us to be capable of raising the children currently in our charge.  Our hearts and minds have never been more open to the prompting of God, especially with regard to the care and keeping of children.  I know what I have shared my strike a nerve with some of you.  However, when I am completely honest with myself I am acutely aware of the way things have degraded within our society.  I believe in the Biblical principles as the foundation for family, and I am constantly working toward understanding what the Bible has to say and how to apply it to my life.  I long for a self-sufficient life for my children based on Godly principles and Biblical virtues.  With this in mind I will continue to educate myself, keep my heart open to the prompting of God, and share with others what I learn along the way.  Over the coming months I will continue to share on this and related subjects.  I hope the things God has put on my heart with challenge your thinking as well as encourage you along your own personal journey with your Creator, your family, yourself, and your community.

Healthy, Happy, Homemaker

This month's topic for our local homeschool support group was Healthy, Happy, Homemaker.  The idea was to share something that you've learned over the years that you practice within your home to contribute to the health and happiness of yourself and/or family, or something that contributes positively to your role as a homemaker.  I really enjoyed the topic this month and loved learning from the other ladies in the group.

I am so thankful to have a connection to such a wonderfully supportive group of families.  Great things come about when good people group together for the greater good.  I am always richly blessed when I gather with this group in any combination, and I surely take away more than I contribute.

One of the new things we've been doing is taking turns giving the devotion at the monthly meeting.  This month was just the second time we've done it this way, and I missed the last meeting to spend the evening with my hubby for his birthday.  So, I had no reference point as to how these things are to go.  It's all new, and it's all good.  I was asked to give the devotional this month.  Aside from tripping all over myself during my opening prayer--What was with that anyway?--it really was a good experience for me.  I struggle with being the center of attention and can be quite uncomfortable with "all eyes on me", but I know it is good to put myself out there and stretch myself a little bit.  Besides, God doesn't call us to do only those things that which we are comfortable with now, does he?  I chose to look at my prayer "fumble" as an example to others that God hears all prayer, even those that are not beautifully rhythmic and elegantly spoken.  (But, I sure do feel better when my words come out like a song as opposed to sounding like someone choking on a piece of dry cornbread.)

Any...who...

I decided to focus my devotional on what I do to take care of myself and nurture the happiness within me.  I did learn from my granddaughter that I am not perceived as happy.  Ouch!  Guess I need to work on that.  This momma has A LOT on her shoulders and tends to be quite serious most of the time.  Trust me.  Inside I am happy.  When you get to the core, I feel content and settled.  I do get thrown off course quite a lot, but I get right back on track.  I don't waste time in the muck and mire.  I pick myself up, dust my knees off, and go back to the good work of living my life to the best of my ability with the help of my God and the love of my family and friends.  So thankful!

So, here goes.  My devotional reworked for written format on The Zoo Crew:

There are so many directions this topic could go, Happy, Healthy Homemaker, but it kept  boiling down to one thing for me; happiness.

As home educating homemakers we are a unique group of individuals, and even among us happiness can mean so many different things.  Just like our homeschools, there are as many different definitions as there are of us.  Happiness may mean something totally different to me than it does to you.  Have you thought about what it is that makes you happy recently?  Is it part of your consciousness on a regular basis, or are you just going through the motions? 

As mothers, wives, home educators, and homemakers we are accustomed to giving a lot of ourselves.  We know what it means to give until it hurts, and even then some.  I would venture to say that we on occasion give more than we actually have to give.  We wear ourselves out, and we forget that everything we do stems on us being happy and healthy.  What are your priorities?  Do you rank the care and keeping of yourself among them?  I would like to share with you some things I do to take care of me so that I can take care of my family and strive to be the Daughter of the King that God would have me be.  Trust me.  I fall short each and every day.  The newest lesson I have learned is to cut myself slack, a lot of slack.  Of course, some days are better than others, but on the days that are less than stellar I ask forgiveness, and I forgive myself, which is not necessarily an easy thing to learn to do, and I move on.  Each day, each moment, is a new opportunity to start again.

God’s timing is perfect, and he places things in our paths just at the right time.  No one ever said that being a follower of Christ would make our lives easy.  In fact we are taught the exact opposite.  So, I am here to tell you tough times will come.  Burdens heavier than we ever knew we could survive will be placed on our shoulders.  But, the load is lightest when we share it.  Firstly, we must spend time with our Creator each and every day.  Everything boils down to relationship, and as Christian wives and mothers we MUST nurture our relationship with God.  The more time we spend in His Word the lighter our burden.  Does that mean the trials and the difficulties and the heart break and the challenges will go away?  I can attest that it absolutely does not.  What it does mean is that Christ can work in our hearts and our minds, and in so doing he shares our load.  Have you ever tried to move or carry a heavy piece of furniture on your own?  I have, and it does not always turn out so well.  It can even end in disaster.  What about moving a piece of furniture with someone that is not so experienced?  I have been in that position as well, and the load can seem even heavier than it actually is.  However, when a nice, strong, experienced person lends a hand the load becomes so much lighter and easier to bear.  That is what God does for us.  He shares the load, and suddenly it becomes bearable.  If we spend regular time in prayer and study of The Word our load does become lighter.  We are carrying the very same thing, but we get help from the strongest handy man there is, our Father.

I have learned that it is very important to care for myself so that I can care for my family (Kind of like the oxygen mask on the plane.  What good are you to someone else if you cannot breathe?), and it is okay for me to do things that nurture my soul.  It is okay for me to take time out for myself.  My family will survive without my direct attention for a time, and actually everyone will be better for it.  They will do much more than survive.  In the long run they will thrive; we will all thrive together. 

Is your cup full, or is dust gathering in the bottom of your glass?  Maybe it is time for you to think about what makes you happy.  What feeds your soul?  What area of yourself has been neglected and could use a little tender care?  If it has been so long that you cannot think of anything or figure out where to start, and I have been there more than once, might I suggest journaling as a method of connecting with Christ as well as connecting with yourself.  When I journal I focus on gratitude, and I make it a point to write three pages.  It may seem daunting at first, but in order to journal one must write, right?  First, I list five things I am thankful for, and it can be as simple as ‘daisies’ or ‘prayer’.  It does not have to be elaborate.  It can be, but it is not necessary.  Then, just start writing.  You’re not trying to write a best seller.  You are just putting pen to paper, and it is for your eyes only.  You can write a prayer, write about your day, vent, or just ramble about whatever.  It really does not matter.  What matters most is that you write.  It is very therapeutic.

Another thing that is helpful in the care and keeping of ourselves is to have a plan.  It does not have to be elaborate, but life does go much better for our home if we have some sort of plan for our day.  When I was a younger mom raising our oldest bunch I wasted a lot of time fretting about the care and keeping of my house.  Now, I focus on the care and keeping of my home.  What is the difference?  A house is just walls and rooms that contain things.  A home contains people, a family; in our case a very active, very messy homeschooling family.  I don’t know exactly how your homeschool functions, but I know ours is active.  Creativity is everywhere.  Each and every meal is prepared at home, and we don’t have a dishwasher.  It gets messy, and again that is okay.  So today’s plan included washing, drying, and putting away the dishes, but it was so sunny outside, or the toddler needed more one on one attention than normal, or that ever pleasant monthly visitor showed up, and energy was on short supply, and (((GASP))) the dishes did not get done.  Again, it’s okay. 

Who is the much loved first cousin of planning?  Why flexibility of course!  Flexibility is essential in the sanity of each and every homeschooling homemaker.  Life happens.  If you ask me my favorite thing about homeschooling I will tell you, “Its flexibility.”  The key to flexibility is in allowing it to exist in your plan in the first place.  Flexibility is freeing if you embrace it and cut yourself some slack.  I have a sign hanging up by my desk that I think is a good reminder for us all.  It says:

  

“The Proverbs 31 Woman…

          …isn’t so much a lesson on getting up early, sewing clothes, 

          buying a field, or achieving perfection.

          The heart of the matter is that she was dedicated to walking 

          in virtue.  She cared deeply for her husband and children.  

          She put the needs of her family before her desires.

          She was a woman of noble character who walked by faith.

          My guess is, she wasn’t perfect—none of us are.  

          But she was ready and willing to be perfected by God.”

                                                            ~ Darlene Schacht

By beginning each day with prayer and the study of The Word we are opening our hearts to God and allowing him to perfect us.  Everything is baby steps.  If you get up tomorrow and get caught up in the day and realize half way through dinner that you never spent time in quiet study, do it before bed, or try again tomorrow.  The important thing is that we remember to go to Him, that we keep our feet firmly planted in The Word.

Much like love, happiness is a choice.  If we choose joy on a regular basis, genetics or not, old habits or not, big mistakes or small, eventually we will learn to reside in joy, and our hearts will be so full that happiness will pour out into all areas of our lives.  No matter the challenges we face, when we are grounded in The Word and focused on things above we can always reside in happiness.  That’s not to say we never get angry, grieve, or have momentary lapses in judgment.  What it does mean is that we don’t wallow there.  We return to the throne, we dust ourselves off, and we start again.  We make the conscious choice over and over to actually BE happy.

The bible tells us in Romans 5 to “rejoice in our suffering”.  The old saying, “In every cloud there is a silver lining”, comes to mind.  There is always, without fail, good amidst the bad.  Christ DOES use all things to his glory.  Our suffering as well as our joy will not be without purpose.  Even suffering is a blessing as it does produce fruit.  Romans 5 goes on to explain that, “suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope…”.  In Romans 8:26-28 we learn that, “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.  And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

**I will share my list of resources later this week.  God bless, and choose happiness!

Perspective

I love winter!

It's like God gives the earth a little face lift with each beautiful blanket of snow.  Watching all four seasons has been especially enjoyable for me this past year.  Just over two years ago we left the city life behind and found our forever home, Lord willing, in the country.  I still haven't gotten a pair of cowboy boots, but their time will come.

Just when we thought things were settling down for us our little snow-globe got turned upside down and shaken heard.  It has caused me to stop and reflect and SEEK the beauty around me with that much more zeal.  Yesterday, we received a light dusting of snow.  You know, the kind where it just barely covers things, and you can see the grass poking through, and the roadways are clear.  In years gone past that would have disappointed me.  I love the kind of snowfall where the sky just opens up, and it never seems like it will stop dropping buckets of snowflakes everywhere.  I love the kind of snowfall where time stops, and hot cocoa is sipped, and books are read.  That is my kind of snowfall.  However, yesterdays flakes were enjoyed by me just as much as the pulling your neighbors car out of the snowbank kind.  Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, and how we perceive things really is up to us.

The snowfall didn't change.  I did.

Through immense challenges comes tremendous growth, if we allow ourselves to be taught.  I am making a concerted effort to be a willing student.  We learn SO MUCH more when we actually allow ourselves to be taught.

"Teach me, and I will hold my tongue:

and cause me to understand where I have erred."

~ Job 6:24

My constant prayer is to learn as much as possible, as quickly as possible, from the lessons laid before me so that my wisdom may increase, and the duration of my lesson may decrease.  Lord willing, I will see the days of repeating the same lessons over, and over, and over as a distant memory.  I continuously ask God for more wisdom.  It is only through fully learning and understanding the lessons we are given that our outlook, or perspective, on life can be healed.  We must be taught to see the beauty in all things.  It is always there for us to behold.  We just have to choose to see it.

I Should be Cleaning, or Should I?

There was a time when the current state of my house would have unnerved me to the point that I could accomplish nothing before tending to the domestic duties loudly calling my name.  Over the years I have learned that there are many more things that have a much higher importance than a home so clean it could grace the pages of Better Homes and Gardens magazine.  Does that mean that I like a messy house?  Absolutely not!  I function best in a home that is orderly and clean.  However, life is messy, time is limited, and kids are only young for so long.  Then, it's over.  Children graduate, and as time frees up the house gets cleaner.

The part that was most challenging for me is that I had a small taste of freedom, and a near perfectly clean home was my norm.  In a way I do miss that.  Who wouldn't?  We raised seven children to adulthood.  We have 12 grandchildren and one more on the way.  We were shifting gears where our focus would be more off our children and more on ourselves and our grandchildren.  It was a welcome change of pace.

Then, we were thrown our first curve ball.  It's one we're ever thankful we caught!  Thanks to that unexpected jag in the road we now find ourselves proud parents of a soon to be four-year-old.  After seven children raising one was like a vacation...seriously.  Life was still slow paced, and we were taking time to smell the roses, and the scent of a very comfortably clean home.  Active homeschooling was still years in the future.  This was our time.

Enter curve ball number two, and three if you will.  Apparently, God has a lot of confidence in our ability to rear children.  We now find ourselves the proud parents of an eight-and-a-half-year-old, and a soon to be three-year-old.  Biologically they are our grandchildren, but legally we are their guardians.  We now find ourselves neck deep in homeschooling, and child rearing.  Thankfully, we are entering the other side of potty training.  (Two at once I might add!)  Through their presence in our lives God has been teaching me what is truly most important in life.

News flash!

Having  a spotless home is not even in the top 10.  Who knew?  (Yes, I am saying this tongue-in-cheek.)

These past few months have been extremely stressful for our family.  More stressful even than becoming a teen mother.  (I'll save that story another time.)  But, seriously, I never thought anything could ever top that.  Welcome to adulthood, a full contact sport!  The girls have now been with us a full year, and our family experienced some boat rocking that unsettled us all for a bit.  We're now coming out the other side, and recovery is taking some time.  Schedules have been thrown off, and many messes have been made.  We're working on finding our center again.

With the inclusion of two new young souls in our home there came a lot of lessons to learn.  Most of them had to do with ourselves.  You know?  The you that exists deep down inside.  For me, the current state of my home would always dictate a lot in my life.  It dictated how I felt about myself.  It would dictate to me my success or failure as a wife and mother.  It dictated to me whether or not I had time to spend with my children.  It dictated to me when I got up in the morning and went to bed at night.  It dictated to me whether or not I had company.  That's a whole lot of control to give to a house.

So, I took it back!

Now, my children come first.  The dishes can wait.  When my friends come over they may see a basket of laundry around, the counter may have dirty dishes stacked on it, the family room will surely be littered with toys, and in all likelihood my floors will be in need of a good sweeping.  Be sure to help yourself to the broom in the corner.  (wink-wink)  However, my perspective has changed.  I can look at my messy house and tell that I have been making time for things that matter for eternity, not just the moment.  I no longer get up early to sweep the floors, or pick up the family room.  If this mamma rises before the sun it's to spend time with her creator, and maybe throw another log on the fire.  I don't even sweep up the wood mess right away.  Gasp!  Now, I can look at my messy home, especially when it's a little past lived-in, and see that I have been up to something good.  I am investing my time in what matters most.  That makes everything sparkle!

My List of Top 10 Things MORE Important than a Clean House:

10.  A Happy House
  9.  A Healthy Family
  8.  A Means of Supporting our Family
  7.  Fresh Air, and Time to Enjoy It
  6.  Freedom to Home Educate
  5.  Freedom to Worship
  4.  Time with Friends
  3.  Time with Children
  2.  Time with My Husband
  1.  Time with God

Those are things that surely matter most.

Transition: A Matter of Perspective

Life has had many twists and turns over the past few years.  I find myself in a constant state of transition.  It can really be exhausting as much as it is anything else; exciting, nerve wracking, challenging, inspiring, etc.  Sometimes I wonder just how much intensity I can possibly take.  That's a dangerous thought to ponder.  You just never know what might be around the next corner.  Trust me.  Life really is a mystery.  Just when you think you might have something figured out everything changes.  I honestly don't think there is much of anything that can throw me, catch me off guard, or shock me anymore.

It's like you become seasoned experiencing so much in such a short time.  I mean, seriously, 40 years really isn't a long time at all.  Sometimes I wish we lived as long as they did in Bible times.  If you think about it, even if you lived a full 100 years it really isn't that long at all.  It takes us a good 30 or 40 years to even figure out what is really important.  Just about that time our bodies start betraying us.  I recognize that most, if not all, of our health maladies are self-inflicted through diet and lifestyle.  With the corruption of our food system and the lies we've believed about what is and is not healthy we practically have to be a private investigator just to know what we should or should not eat.  That aside, just imagine what you could accomplish if you lived to say even 300 years.  The possibilities would be limitless.

On another perspective, what if we hadn't transitioned to a work based society.  What if children still had responsibilities that made them real contributors to society?  What if we didn't base our life on artificial time lines?  What if we weren't limited by our age?  What if we grew up thinking we could do anything and those around us supported us in our ideas and explorations?  What if our society was really based on loving our neighbor?  Oh how different things could be.

With those questions in mind I have been actively transitioning my perspective.  Beauty is the simplest thing to seek on a daily basis.  So, I started there.  It really is everywhere.  I often wonder if people truly behold the beauty around them, or do they just take it for granted.  Life is way too short to take anything for granted, and the beauty around us is free for the taking.  Granted, it can be more challenging dependent upon your environment, but I have grown to believe that more depends on our perspective.  After all, we are in control of how we perceive all things.  Really, we are.

Another one I challenged myself with is the issue of being judgmental.  I made a conscious decision to stop judging others.  I mean do we ever really know the reason behind that person cutting us off on the freeway, or why the cashier at the store was rude to us?  We really do have no way of knowing why someone we don't know on any level does what they do at any given moment.  It is a choice to not take things personally and to not stand in judgement of others for any reason.  Really, it is not our place.

The most challenging transition I have been working on, and it remains unconquered for me for the time being, is learning not to base my emotions on the attitude of others.  We really can control how we react to what others do and say to us.  We do not have to meet anger with anger or spite with spite.  I am a very emotional person, and I recognize the possibility of maintaining calm in all circumstances.  It just seems so impossible to me at the moment.  Where do we draw the line?  Why do we give up so much control?  It really is up to us how we feel about the actions of others in relation to us.  Really, it is.

So, my reality is that God in his infinite wisdom finds it necessary to lay a heavy load on my shoulders.  I accept that wholeheartedly.  I do not know why, and that is okay.  However, it was suggested by a dear friend that I am such a capable person how else would God show me that I need to rely on him for all things?  There is sound wisdom in that observation.  If he didn't give me a heavy load to carry, I would likely walk easily off relying on self and forgetting that He is the source of all my strength.

I accept my burden and grasp my lessons:


Beauty is all around us and free for the taking.

     "O worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness:  fear before him, all the earth." - Psalm 96:9

I will judge no man.

     "Ye judge after the flesh; I judge no man." - John 8:15

It is up to me how I react to others.  Period.

     "She opened her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness." - Proverbs 31:26

My life may be in constant flux, and I accept the persistent presence of constant transition, but I know that my God is present in all circumstance.  I accept my burdens and my lessons and will ever rise to the challenge.  Life may beat me up, batter my bones, and drain my energy, but I will rise to the challenge with the strength of my Lord.  Above all I will do my best to honor him and reflect his love first to my family, and then to all those he puts in my path.  Life really is more beautiful with an adjusted perspective.

Let Go, Let God

Cliche?  Over used?  No meaning?  Well, let me tell you that this has bigger meaning to me now than it ever has any other time in my life.  It's rather impressive how God can use any and all circumstances to teach us a thing or two.  It doesn't really have to be a tragedy or something dramatic.  God is working in our lives all the time, but do we take the time to notice?  I'm not so sure how much I really noticed before we decided to try to sell our family home in order to relocate to the country.

Moving is a big decision.  It is even bigger a decision the more dramatic the move.  Granted, there are plenty of moves that are more life changing than ours, but it is a major lifestyle change no matter how you slice it.  When we first made the decision to list our home for sale we really didn't think it could be accomplished.  Sell our home in this market?  We were upside down in our mortgage.  How would we ever be able to get out of this with our excellent credit rating and no lingering debt?  With God ALL things are possible.  (Matt. 19:26)

Our first blessing was the referral we received from the law firm that handled our adoption earlier in the year.  My husband was on his feet enough to have thought to ask if they knew anyone that would be good to work with in our situation.  The lawyer referred us to Ben Lang, and so began our journey.  We met with Ben, filled out the paperwork, and waited.  Nothing really happened, so we continued to pray and lowered the price.  Honestly, we were pretty laid back about the whole thing.  Having no real expectations does make waiting much easier.  Patience coupled with faith is an excellent remedy to such situations.

After some time a few offers came in that were so low there was no way we could accept them in the traditional manner, so we decided to pursue a short sale.  It was after all Ben's specialty.  The paperwork involved is very detailed and time consuming.  I was certain there was no way we could qualify not being able to show any sort of financial hardship.  However, we were able to use our quality of life as the basis and move forward with the request.  We explored a couple of other options, but nothing panned out.  The only thing we could remotely attempt would be a short sale.

This process began in April.  I was in no hurry to make anything happen as I wanted to be sure we were being led in our decisions as opposed to forcing something to happen.  It was very important to me that any decisions we made were in accordance with God's will for our family.  That being said, I dragged my feet on every part of the process pushing deadlines and doing everything last minute, sometimes literally.  By some miracle the process just kept moving forward; at a snails pace but forward nonetheless.

God used this time to great advantage.  My husband and I learned some valuable lessons through the experience due mostly to the timing of events.  Had things happened quickly like we usually desire there is no way God could have taught us patience, faith, reliance, guidance, and how to look to Him and His Word for all things.  Even with all the traumatic things I have experienced in my life there is no other time where I felt closer to God.  I literally felt led by the hand.

Our qualifying for the short sale is only the beginning of our list of blessings.  The bank accepted the offer made by a local business man and investor.  We continued to jump through hoops as required by the bank and the government.  By December of 2010 we had sold our family home with no remaining mortgage debt, no promissory note, no real damage to our credit, and the ability to rent our home for as long as we needed until we found a new one at the tune of $500 less per month than we were paying for our mortgage.  The weirdest part of it all was giving a security deposit to a landlord for the home we had remodeled and continuously improved for the past 15+ years.

On the advice of several financial experts we waited three months, ran our credit, and started the procedure of pre-qualifying for a mortgage.  Ben referred us to a great broker, and we got the ball rolling.  Certain aspects of the process leave on feeling a little uncertain as to the outcome.  See, our sole purpose in selling our home was to purchase a new one out of the city and in the country.  Should any part of this process worked out any differently that would have been impossible.  Beginning the mortgage aspect was a little nerve wracking.  Were they going to turn us down due to the short sale?  We had excellent credit, but we needed to prove ourselves to them in a big way.  Could we muster up?  The process of gaining the mortgage and being able to purchase the house was just as involved, intrusive and time consuming as the short sale process, if not more so.  The deadlines are more real in the mortgage process to be sure.

We began actively looking for a home in April.  Our original intention and desire was to stay within Macomb County.  I am a big fan of the library system as well as Macomb County Community College; not to mention we own a business there, and our next to youngest son is finishing his senior year in Fraser at Arts Academy in the Woods.  In my mind these are all great reasons to stay in the county, but God had other plans.  It wasn't too long into the process that we realized finding a home with the amenities we desired and in the price range we wanted was going to be challenging.  There just didn't seem to be much out there, which seemed so contrary to the current statistics supporting a buyer's market.  One thing led to another, and we began to start looking in St. Clair County.  Poor Ben!  That guy was driving all over creation with us.  We ended up being referred to Tanya Nettnay through our brother-in-law.  She specializes in St. Clair County properties, and grew up a country girl.  What more could we ask for?  Due to our love for Ben, and his dedication to us as his clients, we arranged a formal referral.  It was time to move on to uncharted territory.

I grew up in St. Clair County, but I lived in the city.  My husband grew up in Macomb County and had no clue about anything out that way.  Who knew God's direction would lead us to a location better than we could imagine?  Honestly, I really didn't even think the house anything too special after we looked at it.  One thing that did strike me, though, was the happiness of the previous owner.  She and her husband raised six children in this home, and their story is so similar to ours that it was uncanny.  The similarities did get my attention.  We looked at the home a second and third time and could find no other homes on the market that even came close to meeting our needs.  In prayerful consideration we made an offer.  There was a counter, and we accepted.  One would think the story ends here, but bureaucracy is never simple.  It was time to jump through more hoops and appease more red tape.

We gathered more information, submitted more paperwork and documentation, hired inspectors, and met the demands of FHA.  Not a simple process.  From acceptance of offer to signing of papers we passed through nearly three months.  We even cancelled our vacation to make ourselves available for the process.  See, the thing about this process being so lengthy and never really knowing if it would all work out until we actually signed the papers was a huge opportunity for us to learn and grow.  This transition is not about us at all.  Rather, it is about God and how we can work to glorify Him.  It has been my constant prayer that He place us exactly where it is he needs us, and I believe with my whole heart that we are where He wants us to be.  I do not claim to know His plans, but I have faith and confidence that I did not put myself here.  God led, opened the doors and the windows, and bid us to come through.  We did just that all the while checking to be  certain that each step was guided and not self-directed.

It is truly amazing the things that can happen if we only stay out of the way.  Is my new home perfect in every way?  No.  Does my new home have all the attributes listed to meet my desires?  No.  Would I have it any other way?  Absolutely not!  I am happy that we "Let Go, and Let God".  I cannot imagine the blessings we would miss, known and unknown, had we not allowed ourselves to be led.

As faith would have it we are now close to family members that we've always lived far from, close to some that moved away, and in a much better position to share our blessings with whomever God sees fit.  Our hearts are open, and it is difficult to imagine things any other way.  Also, the investor that purchased our old home was able to sell it immediately after we moved out.  We prayed in earnest for the new owners that the home would be a blessing to them.  Working with the investor was a privilege and another opportunity to shine for Christ.  He does indeed use all circumstances to His glory.  (Romans 8:28)

Lord willing, we'll never have to do it again!  

Our new home before we started moving in.

Internal Turmoil

As I've grown older and more experienced there is one factor in life that I easily recognize as a great contributor to stress, anxiety, and internal turmoil.  It causes one to question natural instincts, beliefs, decisions and even relationships.  What could be so powerful an influence in life?  Why, guilt of course!  The area I notice the effects of guilt on my life the most is church attendance.  You wouldn't believe the guilt trip I lay on myself when I make the agonizing decision to stay home as opposed to attend church on any given Sabbath.

Honestly, I am not really sure the source of the guilt.  What string of events have been tied together to lead me to this seemingly uncontrollable reaction to the simple choice to stay home on Sabbath rather than attend church service at my home church?  Over the years I have experienced seasons in my life where there seemed more gained physically, spiritually, and emotionally by spending a relaxing Sabbath at home reading, watching sermons on television or the computer, spending time with family, or even out in my garden.  Not to mention the occasional events that take you out of town or just conflict with the timing of church service.  It has been my experience that going with these seasons and/or moments is highly beneficial to myself as well as those around me that I love and care about, but I don't ever fully gain the benefit due to the underlying existence of that dreaded emotion, guilt.

Our latest challenge to church attendance has been the addition to new life in our family and the state of extreme exhaustion that follows as well as the change in daily life that is inevitable with a new family member.  I have learned so much having a new little one, and it seems my newest lesson is to learn how to work through guilt and not let it have power in my life.  What a challenge!

Guilt saps joy even in joyful circumstances.  It's like it has a grip strongly wrapped around your innermost being.  How uncomfortable is that?  Through prayer and concerted effort, along with a conscious decision to learn how to eliminate self-inflicted guilt from my life, I praise God that I am learning how to loose myself from guilt's talons.  It is quite possibly the most challenging thing I've tried to do, especially when it comes to the simple choice of staying home from church.  Part of the reason it is so important to me to learn how to be comfortable with who I am and the decisions I make, aside from the fact that guilt is a powerful, negative emotion, is that the underlying motivation of guilt is our innate concern as to what others think of us or our actions.  Isn't that what guilt really is; worrying about what others think of us?  Seems so to me.

So, why is it that I am so concerned about other's judgement when it comes to my attendance of church.  Shouldn't it matter most to me the state of my relationship with Christ?  Shouldn't my walk with God, my prayer life, and my commitment to serving God to the best of my ability be at the forefront?  The bible does say to not forsake our own gathering together (Hebrews 10:25).  Does this strictly refer to church attendance?  Is there more than one way to gather together?  What about family bible study, group study, meetings with friends, email discussion, or phone conversations?  If we are continually striving toward a closer relationship with God and taking the time to connect with others, does that fit the bill? 

It seems to me that the passage in Hebrews is more of a warning.  Holing oneself up, and never communicating with others, is a dangerous place to put ourselves.  Without the fellowship of others how would we truly learn and grow as individuals, let alone Christians?  As humans, interaction with other is key to our health, both emotional and physical.  We need each other.  How else would we learn empathy and service?  How would we be challenged?  Who would lift us up in our darkest times?  I would go so far as to venture to say that our relationships with each other are just as important as our relationship with Christ, as it is by our interactions with each other that we represent and experience the love of Christ in our daily lives. 

I am going to continue to strive toward a guilt free relationship with church.  It will not be easy, as it seems deep rooted, but I want my heart to pull me there through a longing to learn and share not a condemnation of doing something wrong if I'm not there.  To everything there is a season, and time to every purpose under Heaven...(Ecclesasties 3:1-8)

A New Chapter is Unfolding

Well, 2011 is upon us, and a new world is opening up for the Smith household. We finally did it. We sold our house on December 23rd. It was a process that lasted several months and was by no means forced along by either of us. We put it in God's hands, and things just kind of happened. Isn't it cool when you get to experience something like that? I love the feel of God at work. It's so freeing!

We sold our house on a short sale to an investor. In my perspective it was a true work of God. We were not behind on our mortgage or in any type of financial trouble. Our main objective was to have the freedom to be able to move. I consider it a miracle that we were approved. It's awesome the way things worked out. We could not have asked for a better deal. Due to the fact that the purchaser was an investor we have been afforded the opportunity to stay put and rent our home, saving $500 per month, while we look for our new home. Also, since our financial situation was a good one, and our credit score was good, we will not have to wait any length of time to be able to purchase another home. Can you say, AWESOME!?

I don't believe I have ever felt such peace in the middle of such change. It was a little anxiety inducing right at the end, but knowing everything is in God's hands just smoothed it all away for me. It also doesn't hurt knowing that we are one giant step closer to landing our much desired country home. It is so exciting to know that within the next year or so we will be looking out our window peeking in on God's wilderness. It is down right miraculous!

My prayers include things like praying that God finds the perfect family to be blessed by our home when we are ready to leave it, praying that we are put in a new situation that will better position us to be a blessing to others, and that God will open the rest of the doors in much the same way as he did for the sale of our home. It really is my desire for others to be blessed by the decisions we make and the positions God puts us in. Is there really any other reason so worth living than to be the love of Christ to others? I can think of none.

January will mark many milestones for me. The first begins a new year. The eighth is my 40th birthday. The 21st will see the birth of our eighth grandchild. The 26th will mark Avery's first year on this earth. Also, in January I will begin simplifying our home. We will begin to purge the things that brought us through the end of 2010 to make room for the blessings of things to come in and beyond 2011. I am so excited to be ridding our home of any and all unnecessary possessions. We've done it before, and I plan to be even more radical this time. Seems odd to think that the time when moving boxes, packing tape, and permanent markers will consume our days is just around the corner...closer than ever before.

When it finally is time to pack up and go we will be leaving behind the childhood home of our children. A few of them remember calling nowhere else home. It will be sad and exciting all in the same moment. Change is good. It induces growth and gratitude. I look forward to the experience despite the things I will miss. There will be more than just memories to leave behind. Our life has been here for around 15 years. (For my husband, close to 20.) We will be leaving all that is familiar to embark on a journey of discovery. School, church, the library, home school groups, neighbors, and the comforting sense of the familiar will become a thing of the past.

It is my prayer that I will keep my heart and mind open to God's leading and prompting always seeing the blessings in every experience, both good and bad. I wait in anticipation, without fear, for my God is with me.

You Are Here

I do believe we have adjusted to having a baby in the home. Having a little one just seems like normal life now. I am so thankful to God for bringing this little one into our home. What a blessing he is. I had forgotten the feeling of looking upon the face of a baby and seeing the face of God. I had forgotten the feeling in basking in the miracle of birth. Really, babies are completely miraculous, and I am so honored to have been given the chance to watch another miracle unfold.

This little man has made such an impact on our life. I am thankful to be recapturing the precious gift of sleep. We are blessed to be falling on the early side of sleeping through the night. No complaints here! Last night saw 10 straight hours of a sleeping baby at a mere 10 weeks old. I can so live with that.

I'm on to new things and trying to recapture some stability in time management. There are things I let slide that need my attention like the bookkeeping for our transmission repair facility. I'm officially one month behind on the paperwork. It's also becoming evident that I need to be more attentive in my 16 year old's educational progress. Apparently he is not as ready for independence as I had thought. That's okay. I'm coming out of my fog and becoming more able to be there in a larger capacity for him.

It's also time to dive full on back into editing the bulletin for the church and step back into my teaching position with the kids in our Adventurer Club. Life as we knew it has ended forever. Now, we have a new direction. Different things are important, and life's meaning is becoming clearer and clearer. I have taken on a new responsibility aside from motherhood by joining the Fundraising Task Force for Solid Ground, an amazing transitional housing facility right in our neighborhood founded by a wonderful woman that has an amazing love for Christ and all humanity.

I have accepted that things are fallible, and life is unpredictable, and I am a-okay with that. I know that my life may read out better than any soap opera on television, but God loves me. He loves my family, and he cares for us through all things. I may not know where I am being led, but I do know I am here. That is all I need. Life is better savored and lived with intention. Becoming a mother again has taught me to take my time. It's okay to be in the moment and live life to the fullest, intentionally.

Phase One Complete

With baby planning, Thanksgiving hosted at my home, and Christmas on the horizon it has been difficult for me to focus my thoughts long enough to even consider writing a new post. To my regular visitors, please accept my apologies. I know it has been pretty boring here with no new content. So much for my old rule of at least one new blog entry per week. My brain is just on overdrive, and if it were not for lists I would never accomplish a thing.

Seeking out cute baby clothes has been quite a pleasure. Who remembers new babies are so tiny? Have you looked at a newborn baby diaper lately? Are their butts really that small? I had to put a stop to my clothes shopping; at least for a while anyway. About the only thing this child needs in the fabric department is some more Onsies and those cute little mittens that stop their little nails from scratching their cute little faces. Other than that, I have the newborn department filled. Time to focus on other things like bottles, nipples, diapers and accessories, blankets, sheets, a monitor, and the million other things I'm not thinking of right now.

Over the years I have grown to know and love certain resale stores in the area. That is one good thing about living in such an urban setting, there are plenty to choose from. Imagine my surprise when I found the cutest little boutique style resale shop, Secret Treasures Upscale Resale, right in the neighborhood. I have managed to find over 95% of the things I have purchased so far all under this one cool, little roof. The quality of their goods is amazing, and you don't have to pick through armloads of items to find something good. It's all good. You just spend your time deciding what is cutest in your size and price range. Love it! This past Friday I found an adorable, like new bassinet for $40; a steal in my book based on the prices of the new ones. I spent the weekend rearranging our bedroom and redecorating the walls. It looks great, and I find myself staring at the bassinet hardly believing that in less than two months there will be this cute little miracle in there completely depending on me for everything.

How is it that babies can be so cute, lovable, and awe inspiring while at the same time completely terrifying? Of course, I don't mean that literally, but there are moments when I do feel a little intimidated. There is solace in knowing that my feelings are all completely normal. It is also interesting to note that this is the most relaxed I have ever been anticipating the arrival of a baby. Maybe it's the fact that I don't have to give birth. (Heaving a BIG sigh of relief!) Barring some unforeseen miracle of God, which we all know he is capable of but hope he's not planning on demonstrating, experiencing the miracle of birth is something permanently checked off of my list of things to experience in my lifetime. AMEN!

As the arrival of our beloved Avery gets closer and closer it is becoming more evident to my husband as well as myself just how different life will be with a newborn around 24/7 and completely dependent upon us for his nurturing. Pat, my husband, and Andrew, our oldest son, went to our friends' home in Big Rapids to do some hunting. When he came home he told me all about this idea he had for us this summer. Our friends would come to our home, and we would ride the motorcycles up the coast of The Thumb to those great cabins we stayed in two years ago for our anniversary. I thought it was a great idea, but I wondered how much fun it would be on the back of the motorcycle with Avery in a sling. Of course, this got a few chuckles out of both of us. The fact that we would then be new parents had completely slipped his mind. So, the original plan switched from riding up together to me driving the car with our new bundle of joy while they rode the motorcycles so that motorcycle riding would still be a fun option for the excursion. A win, win situation for all of us.

It's strange to think this time next year we will be preparing to celebrate our first Christmas with Avery. Who would have thought we would ever have that experience together? I was most certain that big landmark firsts were a thing of the past. This just goes to show that one really does never know what lies around tomorrow's corner. Life is full of wonderful experiences and opportunities when one is a willing participant in the plans of God.

He Has a Name, and Other News

I have discovered a few things since my last post. My first consultation with our lawyer was just over a week ago. It sounds like the process should be pretty simple. Fortunately, family adoptions are very relaxed in our county. It will run about $2000 for the legal services. We have some basic documentation to gather; birth certificates and the like. There will be paperwork to fill out. We will go before the judge as a family in a very informal setting; not the court house. The most anxiety provoking part will be the home visits from Department of Human Services. Although, I have been assured that they are very nice, ever as intrusive as they may be, by a very reliable source.

There have also been some developments with the pregnancy. The baby is for sure a boy. After some research and some encouragement to name the baby from our lawyer, we have decided on Avery Thomas. Avery means counselor, wise, sage, and Thomas is in honor of the first born son that my husband's parents lost while he was still a baby. This carries on my personal tradition of connecting the children to the family through their middle names.

That's the fun part. The other developments aren't as fun. A big concern is that her placenta is covering the cervix. This is very dangerous. There is a risk of hemorrhage that could cost either or both of their lives. Another ultrasound will be performed next week to see if the placenta has moved. If it has not, we will meet with a specialist to set a date for c-section. The reason for the precaution is so that she experience no labor. Just one contraction puts their lives at risk. The goal would be to deliver the baby before labor has a chance to start. An ultrasound would be performed right before going into surgery. If the placenta has moved even at that point the c-section would be canceled, and the pregnancy would be allowed to progress naturally to and through labor and delivery.

Also, she has RH-. If you are not familiar with this pregnancy twist, being RH- means that your blood cannot mix with the baby's blood until they find out the baby's blood type. If the baby is also negative, then there is nothing to worry about. However, if the baby has positive blood, and the mother's blood mixes with the baby's blood the mother will begin to form antibodies making her womb inhospitable to future babies. A shot is given at integral points throughout the pregnancy and again after delivery if necessary. There is no risk to mom or the baby. The steps are taken to protect future babies.

We are learning a lot with this pregnancy. Oh! Harmony, the oldest grand, and myself both felt the Avery move for the first time last week. It was SO exciting! I totally forgot how equally cool and weird that is. Harmony is really coming to understand the whole situation. She told my girlfriend the other day, "Auntie is having a baby for us!" She also signed up to be the babysitter. Happily, she doesn't even care that he's a boy, and not a girl!

I have purchased some things in anticipation of the wee one, but I have to say that I've not bought that much. Pat of it is that I really don't have anywhere to put it yet. Once our daughter moves out we will be able to better prepare the home for Avery's arrival. I am really trying to honor her wishes and respect her presence. Part of that is keeping the baby hoopla at a dull roar. She asked to not be included in the preparation process. I am doing my best to respect her wishes. I do have to say that I didn't realize how much went into preparing for a baby until I searched online for a checklist. Holy cow! Babies need a lot of stuff even when you are being conservative. Maybe we'll get lucky and have a baby shower. Who knows? I do know that we will not go without. So many people have offered to give us things that we will need. God always provides, so I know I can just relax and let things take their course. It truly is a beautiful process.