When Life Gives You Lemons - A Reflection on Being Burned Out and Overwhelmed

Let me start this by saying that I have NO ANSWERS.  You won't likely find any solutions to your personal plight of burnout and the feeling of being overwhelmed from me.  But, what did you expect from a lady that has been desperately trying to keep up with a blog titled 'The Zoo Crew'?  I mean, really.

When my older seven were young and all living actively at home I would enter each summer with such hope and zeal.  My idea of summer was a slow paced few months filled with books lazily read on the porch, glasses of lemonade, trips to the beach, and occasional stops at the local ice cream shop.  Maybe a fun game of putt-putt golf.  Honestly, they rarely resembled anything of the sort.  So, as the years passed, and my hair took on a little more silver, I grew to lowering my expectations and ultimately doing away with any expectations at all.  A quote that I heard once, but I do not remember the source, has stuck with me for many a year now.

"Expectations are the surest path to disappointment."

Does this mean we should never have any expectations?  Well, of course not.  I'm not sure how much we'd accomplish in life without any expectations at all.  However, there is some real value in knowing when to have expectations and when to just let them go.  It's really quite freeing, and I would argue just the prescription for preserving what little sanity one may be managing to hold onto within the confines of this insanity we call living life.

Yes.  I said it.  Living life involves at least a little level of insanity.  (Sometimes a VERY LARGE level.)  Dealing with insanity in others as well as ourselves is a non-negotiable part of living life.   Nothing is ever as simply played out as an episode of Leave it to Beaver or Andy Griffith.  We face challenges each.and.every.day.  Some things we self-inflict, and others things are imposed upon us by those we come in contact with by whatever means.  Some challenges are monumental catastrophes while others are minor inconveniences.  Yet all things pull together, piling on top of each other, to create our own personal pack of burdens to weigh heavily on our backs.

Sometimes our packs are light, but other times our burdens seem to spill out the top.  There are so many things to manage and process in any given day, any given moment.  We all find our ways of coping and sifting through.  If I'm totally honest, I have to admit that I have been living with a bit of anxiety this summer.  There is just SO MUCH that I need to do.  Now, more than ever, I totally understand why someone would hire a house keeper, a cook, a gardener, a farm hand, and/or a nanny.

When I was younger it was easier to juggle everything, even with seven children.  The hubby and I have been through A LOT these past 19 years, and we're just plumb tuckered out.  Honestly, I know that we've been through tougher times.  Way tougher times.  Trust me.  I know.  I lived them.  Live and in living color with all the vivid realities and emotions involved.  We face life head on and we survive.  It's just what we do; how we roll.  Being able to face adversity boldly and with determination has to be the one thing we both have in common that rises above whatever else it is that binds us together.

Just because we know how to face and manage a life challenge doesn't mean that we welcome them with open arms.  There comes a time when you just desire life to serve you lemonade, not force you plant, harvest and squeeze your own.  Sometimes you just want your lemonade handed to you on a silver platter.

"Yes, please!"

Even though I wouldn't consider us to be old, we have learned over time to appreciate the moments that make up our life.  I am reminded of a time when I was happy, felt accomplished, by the crossing off of each day on the calendar.  Then, one day it dawned on me that the crossing off of a day on the calendar is not something to be so readily celebrated.  That big X on the calendar is a visible reminder of another 24 hours behind us that can never be recovered, a day closer to the end of our time on this constantly moving sphere propelling us through space and time.  Days gone by are created by present moments, and the only way we can truly capitalize on them is by being as completely present as humanly possible in each and every moment that consumes our life.

Trust me.  I am working on this.  Really.  I am.  Like everything it is a process though.  I don't believe that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.  As long as our hearts are beating and our minds are working we CAN learn new ways of living.  We CAN become more present grandchildren, children, spouses, parents, fellow human beings.  There is SO MUCH to be gained by just being in the here and now.

"Therefore do not be anxious, saying. 'What shall we eat?' 

or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'

For the Gentiles seek after all these things,

and your Father knows that you need them all.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness,

and all these things will be added to you.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, 

for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.

Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

~ Matthew 6:31-34

It's not only the worries that can bog us down, but the intricacies of just living life; the personal demands we have on us.  Learning to set priorities and just let things go has helped me tremendously.  Does it bother me that my house NEVER (Literally never.  I am NOT exaggerating.) seems to be clean anymore?  Of course it doesn't

BUT.  

Is that more important than cuddling my five-year-old when his cup needs to be filled?  Absolutely not.  The dusting CAN wait.  

Is it more important than coloring with my four-year-old when she just needs some quality time with mama?  Absolutely, unequivocally not.  The sweeping CAN wait.  

Is it more important than watching a movie with my 10-year-old while the littles slumber in quiet time?  100% no way!  The dishes CAN wait.

Is it more important than being there for a friend in need?  Not on a bet.  The laundry CAN wait.  

No matter what, the cleaning will always be there... 

...and the state of my home will NEVER be more important than being there for those that are in my life and need my time.  For time is more valuable than any other commodity of value in my life.  I cannot honestly say that I have always fully understood the true value of my time.  

This year is bringing forth a stage in life that I've never experienced despite the fact that I've raised seven children to adulthood.  We have three young ones in three different grades in our homeschool.  We've done high school like this, but never early elementary, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little bit intimidated by this school year.  I've had two cram sessions of planning so far, and one more on the horizon.  I'm not so sure I'll be fully ready after my last cram session this week, but I will at least be well on my way.  All we can do is just dive in and see what works and what doesn't.  

I am thankful for my more laid back approach to life, the friends and family that encourage me along the way, and the freedom that we have to live and learn together as a family and community.  Although my life is basically nothing like I imagined it would be at this stage in the game I'd be hard pressed to see it any other way.  So, even though summer didn't serve me lemonade on a silver platter, fall is just around the corner in all its glorious splendor.  I have hope that my plans for the school year will be blessed and that my attitude in regard to expectations and mindful living will provide the flexibility we need to find peace in our days and joy in our moments.

And...

...there's always hot cocoa!

Mourning - A Path Diverted

It's been said in a circle or two of my closest friends and family that if we knew what we were getting into when we got married there'd be far less married couples in the world.  The business of carrying on a healthy relationship with anyone over the course of a lifetime is a challenge to say the least.  Not to mention the complexities of the baggage we bring to the partnership and the reality of living in the same home, sharing the same bed in the same room day after day, night after night, week after week, month after month, year after year, and even decade after decade.  Getting along with someone, anyone, in those circumstances over that period of time seems darned near impossible.  Some of us succeed, but many of us fail, and plenty of us are just crazy enough to try multiple times.

I'm going to step out on a limb here and say that, if we are really honest with ourselves, the very same thing could easily be said about having children.  Don't get me wrong.  I love my children; all 10 of them.  However, this parenting thing isn't really turning out the way I envisioned it at all.  The one thing I could have never prepared for is the potential heart break.  I can say without hesitation that raising children has caused me more heartbreak than any relationship I've ever had in my entire life, and I've had some pretty devastating experiences in my lifetime; in my short 44 year lifetime, that is.  I can only imagine what I will have to share if I am fortunate enough to make it another 44 years on this planet.  I'm almost frightened of what I might have to share. 

I have a new found respect for my elders.  That is without question.  I respect the challenges faced to earn wisdom, and I respect that it quite certainly came through painful experience.  Wisdom is rarely gained easily.  More often the most valuable experiences come at the greatest cost.  True, valuable life lessons are not easily won.  We must work hard, be brave, and appreciate the value of failure in order to truly grow as individuals.  There are no guarantees.  There is no "magic" formula for the perfect family.  We can seemingly do everything right and come up with negative outcomes.  Conversely, we can do everything inherently wrong and come up with positive outcomes.  It's just the reality of living and loving.  Failure, despite our best efforts, is always a real possibility.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, 

though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, 

though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 

yet I will rejoice in the Lord, 

I will be joyful in God my Savior.  

The Sovereign Lord is my strength; 

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, 

he enables me to go on the heights."  

~ Habakkuk 3:17-19

What is failure?  Failure is defined in two ways.  One - lack of success.  Two - the omission of expected or required action.  When we begin our journey as a parent we are so optimistic and hopeful.  We imagine great things for our children, and we pull out all the stops to assist them in achieving success; whatever that may look like.  It never dawns on us that things may not turn out as we expect.  What do you mean my child may not be successful?  What do you mean we may experience life altering, heart breaking, mind blowing circumstances that forever alter the course of our lives and the lives of our children?

Somewhere along the way we realize that we are not the only influence in our children's lives.  We are not the only guiding force.  We are not the only ones sharing wisdom and providing guidance to our children; both wise and not so wise.  Our children are not the only ones learning lessons.  As parents we will be learning some big lessons on the heels of the choices of our children.  Our lives will never fully be the same, and we have no way of anticipating just what our existence will look like after 15 or 20 or 30 years of being a parent.  

"A foolish son is a grief to his father 

and bitterness to her who bore him."

~ Proverbs 17:25

No one ever tells us just how hard it is to usher these young people into adulthood.  No one tells us the power they have to just shatter every perception we ever had about parenthood and relating to our offspring.  No one ever tells us the amount of sleep we'll lose, not when they're young and require more hands on parenting, but when they are older and require more hands off parenting.  Only an experienced parent knows that the newborn stage is the easiest it will ever be, and can speak so with gut wrenching honesty.  The challenges only increase over time.

Don't get me wrong.  It's not all bumps and bruises and tears.  There are times of joy and celebration.  It isn't the same for everyone.  Maybe your joys far outweigh your sorrows.  Praise God!  However, there are those of us that experience more challenging seasons; more winters than summers.  Some of us get rocked by the stormy seas more than we sail on the calm waters.  That's just life, and it really is normal; maybe more so than we'd care to admit.

I think it's safe to say that real life, for the vast majority of us, is not the sum of our well orchestrated Facebook and blog posts.  Real life is messy.  There is pain; more than we ever thought possible.  In real life we mourn a lot more than we share.  We mourn in ways we never dreamed. like the loss of a child that is still living, or the shattering of lifelong ambitions at the hands of the poor decisions of our children.  Nothing can prepare us for these things in life, but love can sustain us.  Hope can lift our spirits and strengthen our hearts to persist for another day.  Faith CAN move a mountain, and we can find joy within the trials, even when they belt us one after the other.

Sometimes it is difficult to maintain perspective when we are thrown blow after blow after blow after gut pounding blow.  We don't always feel like picking ourselves up, and it may even take us longer than we imagined to pull ourselves off the floor and rise again to face another day.  When we put our faith in God and truly learn how to hand over our burdens, then we can embrace our reality more openly.  We can take the bad with the bad and find that little bit of good to focus our attention and energy.  There is not a moment we are alone in our struggles, even when we can't necessarily feel it.

Here are some bible verses that encourage me.  Maybe they will bring you a bit of peace as well.

"He gives strength to the weary 

and increases the power of the weak."

~ Isiah 40:29

"My soul is weary with sorrow; 

strengthen me according to your word."

~ Psalm 119:28

"Finally, be strong in the Lord 

and in his mighty power."

~ Ephesians 6:10

"God is our refuge and strength, 

an ever present help in trouble."

~ Psalm 46:1

"As you do not know the path of the wind, 

or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, 

so you cannot understand the work of God, 

the maker of all things."

~ Ecclesiastes 11:5

"Just as a father has compassion on his children, 

so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him."

~ Psalm 103:13