When Life Gives You Lemons - A Reflection on Being Burned Out and Overwhelmed

Let me start this by saying that I have NO ANSWERS.  You won't likely find any solutions to your personal plight of burnout and the feeling of being overwhelmed from me.  But, what did you expect from a lady that has been desperately trying to keep up with a blog titled 'The Zoo Crew'?  I mean, really.

When my older seven were young and all living actively at home I would enter each summer with such hope and zeal.  My idea of summer was a slow paced few months filled with books lazily read on the porch, glasses of lemonade, trips to the beach, and occasional stops at the local ice cream shop.  Maybe a fun game of putt-putt golf.  Honestly, they rarely resembled anything of the sort.  So, as the years passed, and my hair took on a little more silver, I grew to lowering my expectations and ultimately doing away with any expectations at all.  A quote that I heard once, but I do not remember the source, has stuck with me for many a year now.

"Expectations are the surest path to disappointment."

Does this mean we should never have any expectations?  Well, of course not.  I'm not sure how much we'd accomplish in life without any expectations at all.  However, there is some real value in knowing when to have expectations and when to just let them go.  It's really quite freeing, and I would argue just the prescription for preserving what little sanity one may be managing to hold onto within the confines of this insanity we call living life.

Yes.  I said it.  Living life involves at least a little level of insanity.  (Sometimes a VERY LARGE level.)  Dealing with insanity in others as well as ourselves is a non-negotiable part of living life.   Nothing is ever as simply played out as an episode of Leave it to Beaver or Andy Griffith.  We face challenges each.and.every.day.  Some things we self-inflict, and others things are imposed upon us by those we come in contact with by whatever means.  Some challenges are monumental catastrophes while others are minor inconveniences.  Yet all things pull together, piling on top of each other, to create our own personal pack of burdens to weigh heavily on our backs.

Sometimes our packs are light, but other times our burdens seem to spill out the top.  There are so many things to manage and process in any given day, any given moment.  We all find our ways of coping and sifting through.  If I'm totally honest, I have to admit that I have been living with a bit of anxiety this summer.  There is just SO MUCH that I need to do.  Now, more than ever, I totally understand why someone would hire a house keeper, a cook, a gardener, a farm hand, and/or a nanny.

When I was younger it was easier to juggle everything, even with seven children.  The hubby and I have been through A LOT these past 19 years, and we're just plumb tuckered out.  Honestly, I know that we've been through tougher times.  Way tougher times.  Trust me.  I know.  I lived them.  Live and in living color with all the vivid realities and emotions involved.  We face life head on and we survive.  It's just what we do; how we roll.  Being able to face adversity boldly and with determination has to be the one thing we both have in common that rises above whatever else it is that binds us together.

Just because we know how to face and manage a life challenge doesn't mean that we welcome them with open arms.  There comes a time when you just desire life to serve you lemonade, not force you plant, harvest and squeeze your own.  Sometimes you just want your lemonade handed to you on a silver platter.

"Yes, please!"

Even though I wouldn't consider us to be old, we have learned over time to appreciate the moments that make up our life.  I am reminded of a time when I was happy, felt accomplished, by the crossing off of each day on the calendar.  Then, one day it dawned on me that the crossing off of a day on the calendar is not something to be so readily celebrated.  That big X on the calendar is a visible reminder of another 24 hours behind us that can never be recovered, a day closer to the end of our time on this constantly moving sphere propelling us through space and time.  Days gone by are created by present moments, and the only way we can truly capitalize on them is by being as completely present as humanly possible in each and every moment that consumes our life.

Trust me.  I am working on this.  Really.  I am.  Like everything it is a process though.  I don't believe that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.  As long as our hearts are beating and our minds are working we CAN learn new ways of living.  We CAN become more present grandchildren, children, spouses, parents, fellow human beings.  There is SO MUCH to be gained by just being in the here and now.

"Therefore do not be anxious, saying. 'What shall we eat?' 

or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'

For the Gentiles seek after all these things,

and your Father knows that you need them all.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness,

and all these things will be added to you.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, 

for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.

Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

~ Matthew 6:31-34

It's not only the worries that can bog us down, but the intricacies of just living life; the personal demands we have on us.  Learning to set priorities and just let things go has helped me tremendously.  Does it bother me that my house NEVER (Literally never.  I am NOT exaggerating.) seems to be clean anymore?  Of course it doesn't

BUT.  

Is that more important than cuddling my five-year-old when his cup needs to be filled?  Absolutely not.  The dusting CAN wait.  

Is it more important than coloring with my four-year-old when she just needs some quality time with mama?  Absolutely, unequivocally not.  The sweeping CAN wait.  

Is it more important than watching a movie with my 10-year-old while the littles slumber in quiet time?  100% no way!  The dishes CAN wait.

Is it more important than being there for a friend in need?  Not on a bet.  The laundry CAN wait.  

No matter what, the cleaning will always be there... 

...and the state of my home will NEVER be more important than being there for those that are in my life and need my time.  For time is more valuable than any other commodity of value in my life.  I cannot honestly say that I have always fully understood the true value of my time.  

This year is bringing forth a stage in life that I've never experienced despite the fact that I've raised seven children to adulthood.  We have three young ones in three different grades in our homeschool.  We've done high school like this, but never early elementary, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little bit intimidated by this school year.  I've had two cram sessions of planning so far, and one more on the horizon.  I'm not so sure I'll be fully ready after my last cram session this week, but I will at least be well on my way.  All we can do is just dive in and see what works and what doesn't.  

I am thankful for my more laid back approach to life, the friends and family that encourage me along the way, and the freedom that we have to live and learn together as a family and community.  Although my life is basically nothing like I imagined it would be at this stage in the game I'd be hard pressed to see it any other way.  So, even though summer didn't serve me lemonade on a silver platter, fall is just around the corner in all its glorious splendor.  I have hope that my plans for the school year will be blessed and that my attitude in regard to expectations and mindful living will provide the flexibility we need to find peace in our days and joy in our moments.

And...

...there's always hot cocoa!

Visual Learning Systems - A Review

The kids love learning about science, and they love the visual aids that can sometimes accompany the subject matter at hand.  I am getting better about utilizing technology in our homeschool.  I have to admit that I am slow to warm up to all the online resources, videos, apps, and the like.  I guess I'm just old school.  I mean having a home computer wasn't even a reality until I was very much an adult.  A lot has changed in the last 10-20 years!  My reluctance to usher our homeschool into the 21st Century via technology is made just a little easier to transition through by companies like Visual Learning Systems.  Their approach to science is simple, thorough, and easy to use.  All very important attributes to this overstimulated, homeschool mamma.

Digital Science Online: Elementary Edition (K-5) has been a fun addition to our routine over the past several weeks.  This year at Royal Academy we are studying human biology.  We find it all fascinating.  Up until we started our review period with Digital Science Online we had mostly been doing book work and hands on activities.  Adding the visual aspect provided through the online videos has taken our learning experience to a whole new level.  The material provided at the elementary level under life science is a perfect compliment to our science curriculum.  We have enjoyed things like watching the process of blood circulation, seeing cells in action, and the role of nutrition in our digestive system.

Since I've mastered the art of hooking up our laptop to the television the kids and I enjoy cuddling up in the family room, it's been cold here which makes the option of cuddling under a blanket for science class all the more enjoyable, and viewing the video that complements our days activities.  The way the videos are set up in segments is especially handy allowing us to easily stop for discussion, either using the complementary material provided or just to answer a question or make an observation, and to allow for viewing over multiple days to keep pace with the book curriculum we use.

As part of our review we had full access to Digital Science Online: Elementary Edition (K-5) as well as Digital Science Online: Secondary Edition (6-12).  However, with all of my currently homeschooling children being in the lower elementary grades we spent the bulk of our time using the elementary edition.  I was surprised that we spent most of our time at the elementary level, and not much time in the primary.  Even though my youngest children are just four and five years old they kept right up to speed at the elementary level.  They asked questions, showed an understanding of the material, and found the videos fascinating.  Our academics tend to cater to the nine year old who is currently working at a third grade level.  With this in mind I sometimes have concern that we're leaving the younger ones out.  Adding the Digital Science Online video curriculum to our routine was exciting because it captured the attention of the young ones providing a super simple way for me to actively engage them in our science studies.  There was no concern that the activity would be to advanced or challenging for their young skill set.  Watching the video with us is a perfect way for them to engage in our learning experience.  They actively participate in the follow-up discussions and answer questions, correctly!  This is instant confirmation that what they are learning is sticking with them, and who doesn't love to see that?

Having access to such a broad spectrum of grade levels is wonderful.  We are not limited to a certain set of topics based on grade level.  Our family is able to explore any subject at any time at any level.  We are not limited to certain subjects, required to go in a set order, or restrained to a set grade level.  It is fun to be able to study the material which directly complements our current science curriculum as well as have the freedom to explore other subjects that we may simply find interesting at the time.  The teacher's guides, animations and images all complement the videos perfectly providing a well-rounded curriculum that could be used all on its own.  Having all of those resources at your fingertips separately allows for personalization of lessons which I absolutely love.  One can simply pick and choose what to use, or not use, and when.  With our eclectic learning style this is a perfect fit attribute that I am always on the lookout for.  Our resources simply must be flexible, and Digital Science Online by Visual Learning Systems fits the bill perfectly.

You can find Visual Learning Systems on Facebook and Twitter.

Mourning - A Path Diverted

It's been said in a circle or two of my closest friends and family that if we knew what we were getting into when we got married there'd be far less married couples in the world.  The business of carrying on a healthy relationship with anyone over the course of a lifetime is a challenge to say the least.  Not to mention the complexities of the baggage we bring to the partnership and the reality of living in the same home, sharing the same bed in the same room day after day, night after night, week after week, month after month, year after year, and even decade after decade.  Getting along with someone, anyone, in those circumstances over that period of time seems darned near impossible.  Some of us succeed, but many of us fail, and plenty of us are just crazy enough to try multiple times.

I'm going to step out on a limb here and say that, if we are really honest with ourselves, the very same thing could easily be said about having children.  Don't get me wrong.  I love my children; all 10 of them.  However, this parenting thing isn't really turning out the way I envisioned it at all.  The one thing I could have never prepared for is the potential heart break.  I can say without hesitation that raising children has caused me more heartbreak than any relationship I've ever had in my entire life, and I've had some pretty devastating experiences in my lifetime; in my short 44 year lifetime, that is.  I can only imagine what I will have to share if I am fortunate enough to make it another 44 years on this planet.  I'm almost frightened of what I might have to share. 

I have a new found respect for my elders.  That is without question.  I respect the challenges faced to earn wisdom, and I respect that it quite certainly came through painful experience.  Wisdom is rarely gained easily.  More often the most valuable experiences come at the greatest cost.  True, valuable life lessons are not easily won.  We must work hard, be brave, and appreciate the value of failure in order to truly grow as individuals.  There are no guarantees.  There is no "magic" formula for the perfect family.  We can seemingly do everything right and come up with negative outcomes.  Conversely, we can do everything inherently wrong and come up with positive outcomes.  It's just the reality of living and loving.  Failure, despite our best efforts, is always a real possibility.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, 

though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, 

though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 

yet I will rejoice in the Lord, 

I will be joyful in God my Savior.  

The Sovereign Lord is my strength; 

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, 

he enables me to go on the heights."  

~ Habakkuk 3:17-19

What is failure?  Failure is defined in two ways.  One - lack of success.  Two - the omission of expected or required action.  When we begin our journey as a parent we are so optimistic and hopeful.  We imagine great things for our children, and we pull out all the stops to assist them in achieving success; whatever that may look like.  It never dawns on us that things may not turn out as we expect.  What do you mean my child may not be successful?  What do you mean we may experience life altering, heart breaking, mind blowing circumstances that forever alter the course of our lives and the lives of our children?

Somewhere along the way we realize that we are not the only influence in our children's lives.  We are not the only guiding force.  We are not the only ones sharing wisdom and providing guidance to our children; both wise and not so wise.  Our children are not the only ones learning lessons.  As parents we will be learning some big lessons on the heels of the choices of our children.  Our lives will never fully be the same, and we have no way of anticipating just what our existence will look like after 15 or 20 or 30 years of being a parent.  

"A foolish son is a grief to his father 

and bitterness to her who bore him."

~ Proverbs 17:25

No one ever tells us just how hard it is to usher these young people into adulthood.  No one tells us the power they have to just shatter every perception we ever had about parenthood and relating to our offspring.  No one ever tells us the amount of sleep we'll lose, not when they're young and require more hands on parenting, but when they are older and require more hands off parenting.  Only an experienced parent knows that the newborn stage is the easiest it will ever be, and can speak so with gut wrenching honesty.  The challenges only increase over time.

Don't get me wrong.  It's not all bumps and bruises and tears.  There are times of joy and celebration.  It isn't the same for everyone.  Maybe your joys far outweigh your sorrows.  Praise God!  However, there are those of us that experience more challenging seasons; more winters than summers.  Some of us get rocked by the stormy seas more than we sail on the calm waters.  That's just life, and it really is normal; maybe more so than we'd care to admit.

I think it's safe to say that real life, for the vast majority of us, is not the sum of our well orchestrated Facebook and blog posts.  Real life is messy.  There is pain; more than we ever thought possible.  In real life we mourn a lot more than we share.  We mourn in ways we never dreamed. like the loss of a child that is still living, or the shattering of lifelong ambitions at the hands of the poor decisions of our children.  Nothing can prepare us for these things in life, but love can sustain us.  Hope can lift our spirits and strengthen our hearts to persist for another day.  Faith CAN move a mountain, and we can find joy within the trials, even when they belt us one after the other.

Sometimes it is difficult to maintain perspective when we are thrown blow after blow after blow after gut pounding blow.  We don't always feel like picking ourselves up, and it may even take us longer than we imagined to pull ourselves off the floor and rise again to face another day.  When we put our faith in God and truly learn how to hand over our burdens, then we can embrace our reality more openly.  We can take the bad with the bad and find that little bit of good to focus our attention and energy.  There is not a moment we are alone in our struggles, even when we can't necessarily feel it.

Here are some bible verses that encourage me.  Maybe they will bring you a bit of peace as well.

"He gives strength to the weary 

and increases the power of the weak."

~ Isiah 40:29

"My soul is weary with sorrow; 

strengthen me according to your word."

~ Psalm 119:28

"Finally, be strong in the Lord 

and in his mighty power."

~ Ephesians 6:10

"God is our refuge and strength, 

an ever present help in trouble."

~ Psalm 46:1

"As you do not know the path of the wind, 

or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, 

so you cannot understand the work of God, 

the maker of all things."

~ Ecclesiastes 11:5

"Just as a father has compassion on his children, 

so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him."

~ Psalm 103:13

Focus on What Matters

Anyone that has poked around The Zoo Crew, even the slightest little bit, surely has discovered that we are living a life a little less ordinary.  Life has a way of catching us off guard, turning us on our heels, and sending us in a whole different and unexpected direction.  I am not saying this is bad, per say.  It does however pose some challenges.  As the years have gone by we have learned more and more how to respond more effectively and transition more quickly to our new found place in life.

I have learned to pray more; more often, more fervently, and more specifically.  Life is SO MUCH easier when I start my day with prayer and bible study.  It is AMAZING the difference this one act can make on the quality of my day.  Beginning in prayer sets the tone for the day, and it centers my focus.  I am more conscious of my purpose and much more aware of what is truly important.

Listen to my words, Lord, consider my lament
Hear my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. 

In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. 

─ Psalms 5:1-3

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, 

by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, 

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  

─ Phillipians 4:6-7

Our newest transition involves two beautiful girls and a headfirst dive back into active homeschooling.  We have learned some things along the way, and we are working on making a safe and stable home for the entire family.  This means some trial and error has taken place, and we have had to learn a new way of living.  One thing that we do is to begin and end our day with biblical focus.  The kids love it, and it brings us together as a family.  So, not only am I beginning my day in the bible, but the children are as well.

Currently, we are reading the book of Luke.  We have traveled our way through the Old Testament over the last year, learning lessons through our previous curriculum. We loved it and look forward to more in depth study in the future.  Now, we are beginning the day with me reading an entire book from the bible.  Then Harmony reads aloud a complementary bit from another source reinforcing what we just read and helping her to grasp the scripture more fully.  All of the kids enjoy this part of our day, and it sets a nice tone.

I share this with you to demonstrate that we are focusing on what is important and cutting a lot of slack in other areas.  The biggest lesson that I have learned is that there are seasons in all of our lives, and the areas of most importance change with those seasons.  Through it all our foundation, our relationship with Christ, holds the highest importance.  It matters not if we travel the valley, climb the hills, or rest on a plateau.  Our connection with Christ is our life force.  It is our purpose; our guiding light.

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: 

but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

- Ephesians 6:4

For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, 

but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.

- Mark 10:45

For our family it has become essential to get back to the basics, find our center, and focus on the core.  Your basics, your center, and your core are very likely different than ours.  What it means for us now, during this season of our lives, is to slow down and focus on the basics.  We are learning to lean on Christ, respect ourselves and others, and to live life with an others focus instead of a self focus.  It is more challenging than you might think.

What does this mean for our family?

Aside from putting Christ first in our daily lives, each day we keep the same "schedule".  This means we try to have the same flow throughout each day.  The exact time on the clock may not be the same, but the order in which we do things is consistent.  This fosters a sense of security and stability for the kids, and it is remarkable the effect it has on their behavior.  This becomes completely evident when we stray from it too long!

You see?  I am really not a schedule person.  I am a total unschooler at heart, and I LOVE freedom!  However, the most important thing in the happiness, well being, and educating of my children is by far for me to maintain a consistent schedule.  This means 24/7, even on Sabbath!  UGH!  I do it kicking and screaming all the way, but each time I get too "relaxed" with my approach I am quickly reminded of the error of my ways.  So, we keep a schedule of sorts, and the kids thrive in knowing what to expect next.  

He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, 

but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.

- Proverbs 10:4

In regard to "academics" I have also discovered that there is a season for things of a school nature as well.  We follow a basic outline, but it changes greatly based on our current circumstances, the needs and desires of our children, and even the weather.  Yes, the weather!  Life is seasonal, and learning is life.  So, it makes perfect sense that what we learn flows with the seasons.  I am excited for spring this year for possibly the first time ever.  We are on land now, and we have young children, and this winter was C-O-L-D.  We have projects waiting to be done, and we have children desperate to be outside.  This year will be my first year purchasing rain coats.  We will be outside rain or shine, as long as it is warm enough, all spring, summer, and fall for the first time ever in my life.  The land will not wait for us.  It will do its thing whether or not we are outside and active, so if we want to achieve the plans we have we need to work diligently.

In academics, now is a time for us to explore writing, reading, and math with excitement and interest, not drudgery.  I strive to create an environment rich with opportunity for learning in order to foster natural curiosity and interest.  So far, so good.  The difference is that we are fitting these core subjects in AROUND the things that foster character and family bonding.  Things like cooking, household responsibilities, playing games and doing puzzles, free play, writing to friends and family, doing kind deeds, and being helpful.

Trust me.  There was a time when I could not have approached life in this manner.  I was too busy washing the dishes and folding laundry to focus on the character building opportunity before me with my children.  Our unique circumstances have fostered a new desire for this batch of children currently in my charge.  I am more concerned about their heart, their soul, and their spirit.  I recognize that all those other things, the academics, will come in their own time, naturally.  They need not be forced, and it is all learning, all connected, and all important.  Sometimes we just need to adjust our focus.

Freedom in Definition

Recently I learned that I fit into a category.  Typically I am not one for labels, but I did find this a bit interesting; even a little freeing to a certain extent.  Never in a million years could I have ever imagined all the drastic twists and turns I would travel through traversing the road of my life.  I especially could have never begun to guess that there would even be a few corkscrews along the way.  Who knew, right?

Years ago I looked forward to this stage of my life with great anticipation.  It was going to be a time to reclaim my childhood.  I would explore what it truly meant to be me.  Maybe I would volunteer full-time for a local organization I wholeheartedly believed in.  Maybe I would continue my education.  I've always wanted to learn photography "for real".  Surely I would have plenty of time to really invest in my relationship with each of my grandchildren.

The first hairpin turn was our decision to adopt.  Okay. So we're raising one kid all on his own.  So what?   We raised seven already.  What's one?  It was like a vacation those first couple years; a breath of fresh air.  Then, the best fur buddy I ever had died, we moved, and we started becoming aware that things were going to dramatically change again.

Suddenly the track shot up, the cars turned upside down, and we pulled out the other side with two more children in our car.  This meant lots of changes, big emotions, and slow adjustments for everyone.  Our slow acclimation to becoming a homeschooling family again quickly turned into a quick dive into the deep waters head first.  The water was cold and shocking, but you know the story.  We adjusted.

I have never been a traditional homeschooler.  For a while I considered myself very much an unschooler.  This time around it seemed smartest to implement a full curriculum.  We started our fully anticipating using this curriculum through graduation.  It's perfect, covers everything important to us, and takes a huge load off of my shoulders in the planning department.  As the completion of this first year started to come into view on the horizon I prepared to purchase the next level.  Well, I hesitated.  I read what was next, and I just wasn't so sure we really needed to do it that way anymore.  You see, my favorite aspect of homeschooling is FREEDOM.  I LOVE IT!!!

Spring is coming.  There is so much for us to learn together.  We will be starting seeds, planning a garden, preparing to raise animals, building structures, manicuring our woods more, landscaping, camping, and I have a TON of educational supplies already (like any good homeschooling veteran would).  So, why not use what I have?

Enter me learning exactly who I am educationally speaking.  I had to take a brief demographic survey that required me to choose specifically what type of homeschooling family we are.  I had no clue.  Like I said, I don't concern myself with labels and categories when it comes to this type of thing.  Because, in all honesty, does it really matter?  I don't think so.  However, as soon as I looked up "eclectic" and read this:

"An Eclectic Homeschooler is one who looks at the different approaches and methods of homeschooling and takes from each forming his own unique philosophy."

...I knew it defined my style exactly.  Slowly, I have determined that it is now okay to ease back into our more relaxed approach to education.  Our resident elementary student is still warming to the idea that grade level is irrelevant, and grades are arbitrary, but she's getting there.  Taking what I consider a more "whole-life" approach to education will help her to lose some more of her guard and open up to becoming a more relaxed learner.  It is exciting to me!

Yes, being eclectic means a little more work on my part, but I really think I'm ready for it now.  I have the materials at my fingertips.  I need to purchase nothing.  So, why not?  This next year is looking much more inviting to me and even a little more easy.  I have been lamenting the fact that I have two preschoolers and an elementary student; not an easy mix.  With my new found freedom it will be much easier to cater to the individual needs and interests of each child.  I like preschool.  Now, I will be able to enjoy it more.  Therefor the kids will certainly have much more fun.

Does this mean we will never use curriculum again?  I certainly have my doubts.  However, it does mean we have found our niche.  We are grabbing life by the reigns and fully embracing the family we have become.  We know who we are, and we are running with it.

Sometimes He Does Things

I know a guy.  His name is John, and sometimes he really does do things; big things.  He's a young guy with a big heart and wisdom beyond his years.  We could all stand to learn a thing or two from the real, as in living real lives, young people that are involved in the communities around us.  John is one of those people.  He's not afraid to try new things, face challenges head on, and help a fellow man out.  I'm quite sure he's given at least one person in this world the shirt off of his back.

John is preparing to give a little more of himself this time around.  He's actually cutting away part of who he is; stepping outside of his comfort zone.  When something touches John's heart or gets his attention in a big way he typically does a little more than just take note.  At some point John acts.  This time around he's sacrificing part of him that has been part of his identity for years.  Of course he's a little nervous, but you remember what I said about this guy, right?  He is stepping outside of his comfort zone and putting the interest of his fellow man, in this case children, before his own temporary anxious feelings.

A while ago John met a girl.  Her name is Danielle, and once she figured out he is the all around good guy he is a friendship was formed, and St. Baldrick's Foundation was the topic of conversation.  Danielle was still walking around sporting evidence of her sacrifice for this foundation investing in the interest of young children.  It got his attention.  With people of all varieties and ages being the calling of John's heart he readily committed part of himself to the cause.

So, what is this guy John going to do, you ask?

At a volunteer-organized local event John will be taking a turn in the barber chair.  His efforts of fundraising and public awareness on the topic of childhood cancer will culminate with the shaving off of his SIX INCH mohawk.  That's right.  John has been raising money over the past year to support the efforts of St. Baldwick's Foundation and will take a seat in the barber chair this March to have his crowning glory shaved clean off for a cause he believes in.

Taking note of John's example, now is a good time to reflect on your beliefs and what you stand for.  Is there something you feel passionate about?  Have you thought about it lately?  Where is your energy focused?  Are you honoring your passions, pursuing your dreams, living life with gusto, and taking action on matters important to you?  If not, maybe now is a good time for a reevaluation.  We could all use to do just that from time to time.

John Hoffman is an entrepreneur, giver of time and self, and all around good guy.  His day jobs as a Brand Developer at Project Dignity Outreach, an on-air personality at The Corner with K-Hubb, and Project Manager at Fusion Marketing Michigan keep him busy, but they don't slow him down.

Behold the Power

One of the most powerful books I have ever read, more than once, is The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian.  If your marriage is anything at all like mine you have weathered a storm or two, or fifty, as a married couple.  I don't think I've ever felt more helpless than when my husband is struggling on a deep and personal level.  How this book crossed my path I am unsure, but I am forever thankful.

Personally, I believe there no more powerful tool at our disposal than prayer, and I hold it as a treasured gift.  It is unclear to me how I ever made it as far as I did before I ever discovered the power of prayer within my own life.  I do, however, attribute my survival to my dedicated and prayerful grandmother, among other caring family members.  Prayer is our direct connection to God; our family tie if you will.  There is no better place to focus our time and energy than with our relationship with the Father.

I have felt compelled to pick up this wonderful tool once again.  Initially I was just going to access the prayers, as they are powerful in and of themselves.  So much so that they have now published the prayers separately for quick reference.  However, it has been about a year now that life fully knocked us off our feet, and my time with the Creator has suffered.  Inadvertently so has my marriage relationship.  It's no surprise, really, when time is of a premium.  There are only so many hours in a day, and some things take longer to bounce back from than others.  When life throws you a curve ball sometimes it hits you square between the eyes!  It can take some time to focus past the stars circling your head.

In the past year we have welcomed two new young ones into our fold, settled more fully into our county home, experienced the re-entrance and exit of our college age son to and from our home - leaving a huge wake that we are still recovering from, and severed some pretty strong family ties.  There is a lot of emotional energy that was expended through these huge life events right at a time when we were expecting to experience a more laid back way of life.  Then, of course there's more, you add on a struggling business just to frost that tasty life cake, and you've got one sweet concoction sitting right in the middle of your dining room table.  It's a cake I'd rather toss in the trash than indulge in, but alas it is our lot to eat every last bite.

Here in lies the choice.  Will every bite be bitter and hard to swallow, or will we find the sweetness that lies within?  Enter The Power of a Praying Wife.  Past experience has taught me that when my mind is focused on my relationship above, and my relationships with those near and dear, the bites I do have to swallow taste all the more sweet.  When I choose to start my day with prayer, especially prayer focused on my most important relationship, the day goes by much more smoothly than when I neglect to do so.  Today I choose to focus on the most important things.  Today I begin with focused prayer for my husband.

"Through wisdom a house is built, 

and by understanding it is established; 

by knowledge the rooms are filled 

with all precious and pleasant riches."

~ Proverbs 24:3,4

Transition: A Matter of Perspective

Life has had many twists and turns over the past few years.  I find myself in a constant state of transition.  It can really be exhausting as much as it is anything else; exciting, nerve wracking, challenging, inspiring, etc.  Sometimes I wonder just how much intensity I can possibly take.  That's a dangerous thought to ponder.  You just never know what might be around the next corner.  Trust me.  Life really is a mystery.  Just when you think you might have something figured out everything changes.  I honestly don't think there is much of anything that can throw me, catch me off guard, or shock me anymore.

It's like you become seasoned experiencing so much in such a short time.  I mean, seriously, 40 years really isn't a long time at all.  Sometimes I wish we lived as long as they did in Bible times.  If you think about it, even if you lived a full 100 years it really isn't that long at all.  It takes us a good 30 or 40 years to even figure out what is really important.  Just about that time our bodies start betraying us.  I recognize that most, if not all, of our health maladies are self-inflicted through diet and lifestyle.  With the corruption of our food system and the lies we've believed about what is and is not healthy we practically have to be a private investigator just to know what we should or should not eat.  That aside, just imagine what you could accomplish if you lived to say even 300 years.  The possibilities would be limitless.

On another perspective, what if we hadn't transitioned to a work based society.  What if children still had responsibilities that made them real contributors to society?  What if we didn't base our life on artificial time lines?  What if we weren't limited by our age?  What if we grew up thinking we could do anything and those around us supported us in our ideas and explorations?  What if our society was really based on loving our neighbor?  Oh how different things could be.

With those questions in mind I have been actively transitioning my perspective.  Beauty is the simplest thing to seek on a daily basis.  So, I started there.  It really is everywhere.  I often wonder if people truly behold the beauty around them, or do they just take it for granted.  Life is way too short to take anything for granted, and the beauty around us is free for the taking.  Granted, it can be more challenging dependent upon your environment, but I have grown to believe that more depends on our perspective.  After all, we are in control of how we perceive all things.  Really, we are.

Another one I challenged myself with is the issue of being judgmental.  I made a conscious decision to stop judging others.  I mean do we ever really know the reason behind that person cutting us off on the freeway, or why the cashier at the store was rude to us?  We really do have no way of knowing why someone we don't know on any level does what they do at any given moment.  It is a choice to not take things personally and to not stand in judgement of others for any reason.  Really, it is not our place.

The most challenging transition I have been working on, and it remains unconquered for me for the time being, is learning not to base my emotions on the attitude of others.  We really can control how we react to what others do and say to us.  We do not have to meet anger with anger or spite with spite.  I am a very emotional person, and I recognize the possibility of maintaining calm in all circumstances.  It just seems so impossible to me at the moment.  Where do we draw the line?  Why do we give up so much control?  It really is up to us how we feel about the actions of others in relation to us.  Really, it is.

So, my reality is that God in his infinite wisdom finds it necessary to lay a heavy load on my shoulders.  I accept that wholeheartedly.  I do not know why, and that is okay.  However, it was suggested by a dear friend that I am such a capable person how else would God show me that I need to rely on him for all things?  There is sound wisdom in that observation.  If he didn't give me a heavy load to carry, I would likely walk easily off relying on self and forgetting that He is the source of all my strength.

I accept my burden and grasp my lessons:


Beauty is all around us and free for the taking.

     "O worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness:  fear before him, all the earth." - Psalm 96:9

I will judge no man.

     "Ye judge after the flesh; I judge no man." - John 8:15

It is up to me how I react to others.  Period.

     "She opened her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness." - Proverbs 31:26

My life may be in constant flux, and I accept the persistent presence of constant transition, but I know that my God is present in all circumstance.  I accept my burdens and my lessons and will ever rise to the challenge.  Life may beat me up, batter my bones, and drain my energy, but I will rise to the challenge with the strength of my Lord.  Above all I will do my best to honor him and reflect his love first to my family, and then to all those he puts in my path.  Life really is more beautiful with an adjusted perspective.

Here Comes the Next Phase

I have been thinking about this post for months now, and I am still finding the exact words elusive. Please bear with me as I sort my thoughts. It really is amazing how life goes. We start out so pure and innocent with these great plans and ambitions. I have always been such an idealist. It has never been much of a challenge for me to see the good in people. In my mind things always work out. That is just the way it is.

Given everything I have been through I find it no real surprise where I find myself today. Is it the way I planned things? Of course not. Plans are quite silly, really. Honestly, who do we think we are anyway? The course of our life is not up to us. God is in control, and the sooner we learn that the better. Do I understand His plan? Not at all, but that is okay. I am glad to not have the responsibility that would encompass. Playing my part is challenging enough. I can handle no more than one step at a time.

My life has seen much pain and many disappointments. It has also provided many lessons, miracles, and accomplishments. Everything is all a matter of perspective anyway. The less time we spend wondering what others think and the more time we spend putting one foot in front of the other the better. Things always look better if we are focusing in the right spot. If only I could have learned that lesson years ago.

It seems it took the recent turn of events to bring this lesson into full perspective. I spent a couple of months processing, praying, and healing. It was the most paralyzing bout of depression I think I have ever had, but it may have been the most productive. I have honestly never experienced anything quite like it. I really did feel paralyzed. It was a frustrating spot to be, that is until I embraced it. Once I recognized that I was right where I needed to be the healing began, and progress moved in. It was an awesome experience.

When we are feeling depressed we always want to do something about it, and that just may not be the way to go. Numbing out feelings and emotions with prescription drugs can most often prove counter productive, in my humble opinion. I would venture to guess that we have the feelings we have when we have them so that we can learn something from them. If we numb them out, how on earth will we ever learn and grow? It has been my experience that it is best to embrace our circumstances and open our hearts and minds to guidance and growth.

Back in July, when I was in the thick of VBS planning and preparation, my husband and I learned that our youngest daughter, our remaining beacon of hope for all things dreamed and wished for in a successful daughter, had joined the ranks of her older sisters. She was now uneducated, single, and pregnant. Talk about a shocker. July was to be the month that we made our first OB/GYN appointment. This daughter was a virgin, or so we thought. Fortunately, we had some time to process this information before she sat down and talked with us herself.

Honestly, she was in a state of panic, and we were in a state of shock. We had known there was something quite wrong for a few months, but we were unable to crack the case. It was obvious to me that she was depressed, but not so obvious why. I had attributed it to the recent breakup of her and her boyfriend, her failing grades at school, and some other poor decision making she had been doing in relation to finances. I couldn't have been more wrong.

It seems there had been a momentary lapse of judgment during the two-month breakup of her and said boyfriend that culminated in a "one night stand" and about 10 positive pregnancy tests. This child set into panic mode and was bent on moving out of the house rather than dealing with the situation head on. Finally, after some strong encouragement from the sister she was to move in with, she stepped up and talked to us. An unexpected journey was unfolding before us. We had no idea where we were headed.

What set in for me was an unrealized bout of depression. Really, I think all three of us, (my daughter, my husband, and myself), sat in depression for some time. I finished out VBS without being able to deal with anything. Any of you that have ever done VBS knows how consuming it is the week it is going on. When VBS wrapped up we started taking baby steps.

The first thing I did was take our daughter to see a woman at a crisis pregnancy center. She talked to us about the dangers of abortion from a much experienced position. It was an emotionally draining day for me. It became obvious to me that this child was terrified of her situation so much so that she was actually considering abortion. What came out of my mouth was a shock to me, "I will promise you right now that if you do not abort this baby I will raise it." Who knew I would be that desperate to have my daughter not kill my grandchild? Through conversation, I learned that she didn't really want an abortion. She was scared, and she was not ready to raise a baby.

The next step was to visit an adoption agency. She was interested in placing the baby through an open adoption. We made an appointment and drove a few cities away to an agency that was recommended through the crisis pregnancy center. We talked with the lady, and she made it clear, "This is not your decision. This is your daughter's decision." Well, duh? BUT, we are a family, and we do rely on each other. In the end she just didn't sit well with either of us. Our daughter was not in this alone. We were facing this head on, together.

I searched and searched for information. I learned that there are people out there that were placed through open adoption that are very unhappy and against the system. I learned that there are alternatives. I prayed. I searched. I prayed. I searched. I prayed, and I searched some more. I checked out books from the library and dug through the internet. There is a never ending supply of information on the subject, but it does require some digging through.

One thing that kept tripping me up is that I just could not get comfortable with the idea of adoption. When I expressed this to my husband he said, "We may not agree, but we have to be supportive." I did not say too much after that, but I kept praying and researching. I talked to friends that have adopted. I spoke to good friends about people they knew that were looking to adopt. Still nothing felt right. Then, when my husband spoke with our daughter on his own, and she told him she wanted to place the baby for open adoption, he had to fight back tears. This was when he knew it was not so okay with him either.

Where we were led next was, what we thought, just crazy. We questioned God and each other over and over. Did we really want to do this? Were we really considering adopting our grandchild? Did we really want to raise another child right at a time when we were actively viewing our empty nest? Our youngest is just getting ready to turn 16. What on earth were we thinking? Were we crazy? Are we crazy?

Well, it is impossible to say no to the prompting of God and the calling of your heart. Through some loving guidance and challenges to my moral stance I was prompted to search through the Bible on the subject of adoption, and it just cleared it up for me even more. This was the right thing to do. This baby is family no matter his origin. He needs to know his roots as best he can and have a sense of belonging and position in this world. He needs to know that his family cares and wants the very best for him. We were prepared to offer just that, and we made our feelings known to our daughter. She said the most mature thing I had heard out of any of our young ladies in a long time, "Can I take a week to think about it?" Of course we were elated. We had just had the most productive conversation we had quite possibly ever had with any of our daughters, and it ended on a positive note with a mature direction.

In the week that followed I took our daughter to see a friend of the family that does some alternative therapy. It seemed to have gone well, and she took the time she needed to process. Then, I'll never forget the day that I came home from some morning errands and found a note on my planner. My stomach did a few flips. I have a couple of children that like to communicate through letters when they have something big to deal with. She is one of them. I had company, but I couldn't help but read the letter right then. I just had to know what she had to say. Was I going to be a mother again, or did I have to find it in myself to let this baby go? Where were we heading from here?

When I was reading the letter I found myself impressed with the thought she had put in to expressing what it was she needed and where her limitations lied. The bottom line was that she wants my husband and myself to adopt her baby. I actually found myself giddy, in the words of my husband, and it was a shock to me. I still couldn't believe that I was getting excited about raising another child. What was I thinking? But, what an opportunity!

Now it was time to include the boys. Shortly after reading the letter and talking together my husband and I sat down with our two boys, almost 16 and 18 years old. It is important to us that they feel free to ask questions and get answers through this entire process. Both boys were okay with the idea much to my surprise. Honestly, I really was not sure what to expect, but I have to say I was a little surprise at their acceptance of the situation. The almost 18 year old is actually excited about the idea and thinks it is "cool". What more can we ask for?

After our conversation with the boys, that left the older girls. I spoke with two of them via the telephone. They asked questions, and we discussed different issues. They still cannot believe that we are going to have another child, but they are happy as well. The two oldest girls came over for dinner on a Sunday afternoon. We spoke then. Our oldest daughter was very excited that there had been a solution that would allow the baby to remain in the family. All in all everyone seems to be having fun with the idea. We will see what we think about it when we are in the thick of two a.m. feedings and diaper changes. (BWG)

Of course, we still need to take care of the legalities of the matter. There are some sensitive issues that need to be addressed. Our daughter will be moving out a couple weeks before the baby is due. In the mean time we need to create a birth plan. Praise God we were led to an amazing doctor right in our neighborhood. She has experience in these types of situations and is completely open to working with us. Our daughter is in good health. The baby is progressing well. At the ultrasound last week we learned that he is a boy. Hubby was VERY happy about that.

Right now we are taking it day by day. We are learning how to communicate better, creating a birth plan, preparing for a daughter to move out, and a son to come in to our life. This whole thing could not have been more unexpected, but we are happy and blessed. I have had this strong desire to do mission work. What I am learning now is that my mission is at home with my family. This is where I am needed. Home is where I need to share the love of Christ. God has planted me here for such a time as this.

Friendship, Health, and Changes

Life seems to throw just as many curve balls as it can at me. It has just always seemed to be that way. I used to think it was normal. It seems to me now that it is just my normal. I used to long for a more laid back life, but I do not believe that is what God has intended for me, at least not right now. Sometimes I wonder just what it is that He is training me to be prepared for. I often feel that it must be big. I have gotten to a point where there really isn't anything that phases me anymore. How could it?

It would seem that, if nothing else, I have learned how to take things in stride. This does not mean, however, that I do not get overwhelmed or worn out at times. Trust me. I do, and I am teetering on the brink right now. Honestly, I am just so stinkin' tired. I feel like I need a vacation; big time!

We always seem to spend our time transitioning from one thing, or two or three, to another. It has gotten to a point that weekends are not even a refuge or place of relaxation. Sabbath just isn't long enough for me to recuperate. I honestly need a couple weeks of doing nothing to heal. That will come, but not soon enough.

My plate is very full, and some of the things going on right now are emotionally draining. We were just coming to terms with the fact that our pastor and his wife, whom we consider friends, will be moving to Lansing to work at the Conference Office when we learned that "Mrs. Pastor" has been diagnosed with leukemia. She is now in Texas receiving the best care in the nation, praise God!

We are also making an effort and commitment to changing things in our relationship in connection with our relationship to each other, God, and our children. This is a big undertaking that we seem to have to fight for. With demands on each of us so taxing and time consuming the undertaking seems impossible. It is not enough to make the commitment. It is not enough to have the desire. It is not enough to talk about and plan for it. We actually have to fight to make it happen. A month's time has now passed since the boys and I committed fully to the keeping of the Sabbath together. Every Sabbath something has interfered on some level with our intention and plans. In the same way, my husband and I came back from the marriage commitment weekend with desires and ambitions for change. Not one has happened. The enemy is strong and works hard to trip us up. We have to be stronger and fight harder to make any progress at all. It is SO challenging.

Another really emotionally taxing thing has been the challenges of raising and relating to my 15 year old. Anyone that has been 15, has a 15 year old, or has had a 15 year old can surely relate. This is such a tough age. So much is happening. We are a child and a young adult all at the same time. We long for independence and guidance both at the same time. Our emotions and hormones are completely out of whack. Life is confusing, challenging, interesting, and frustrating on many levels. It is tough to be 15, and it is tough to peacefully parent a 15 year old.

Then there is the growth rate of our family. I often feel that there is just not enough of me to go around. Our grandchildren are coming at me the same way that our children did, all at once! There is barely time to get to know one, and then there is another, or two, or three. I so want to be a part of the lives of all of our grandchildren. I am uncertain as to how to successfully manage being a Nana and a mom to teens at the same time. If we were not homeschooling this would likely be a little less challenging, but challenging nonetheless.

My health is also a small factor. Yesterday, I went for a biopsy on my right breast. I discovered a tumor there last year. They believe it to be benign, but due to my family and personal history they wanted to play it safe and just make sure there is nothing to be concerned with. It was an interesting and taxing experience. There is now a tiny, titanium, breast cancer ribbon implanted in my breast to mark the tumor letting them know in future exams that that particular tumor has already been biopsied. I also participated in a study that is very interesting. They are doing research on a technique that would take the place of the mammogram. It is awesome, and I hope it is available as an option in the future.

I am also thankful for the friendships that I am forming. I have met some wonderful women over the past few years. The friendships have developed slowly over time, and are now starting to bloom. It is a wonderful gift to have one good friend, and I have had one for over 25 years. She is a sister to me, and I thank God for her frequently. What a special treat it is to make new friends and learn how to be a friend. That can be a challenge for some of us. There are trust issues, time constraints, and other factors.

Life is full of challenges, surprises, and adventurers. What a huge lot this is. Thanks be to God for His presence in my life. I cannot imagine managing any of this without Him. I would surely be lost.

Thankful Thursday

This may seem a strange post for a Thankful Thursday, but here goes.

Despite the support of family and the skill of doctors my father-in-law, Evin Thomas Smith, passed away at 7:25AM on Saturday, November 1, 2008. He would have celebrated his 80th birthday this coming February. Now, he lays in waiting for the Lord.

Amongst the sadness there are many blessings. Ervin was a special man. He was the father to seven successful children and grandfather to numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren. He was honest, kind, and had a strong work ethic unlike any I'd ever seen. Ervin was a fun-loving husband to my mother-in-law, Barbara Ann Smith. He loved a good practical joke, given or received and had a wonderful sense of humor!

I may not have been close to him, but it was a privilege to know him. I see him in his son, my husband, Pat, everyday. Sure, my husband has his idiosyncrasies, but those are also the things that make him special and unique. Those are the things that make me lovingly comment, "I swear I married your father!" or, "Okay, Ervin!" My husband loves to pick on me, just like his dad did his mom. My husband always gets up to open the door and look outside for every slammed car door, just like his dad. My husband always offers you something to eat or drink, or two, or three, just like his dad. My husband doesn't usually answer the phone, but he wants to know who you're talking to, just like his dad. My husband really loves me, just like his dad did his mom.

It can honestly be said that Ervin never did anyone wrong. He was trustworthy and dependable; someone you could really count on. It is a blessing that he knew the Lord. It is a blessing that he did not suffer. It is a blessing that he died in his sleep. It is a blessing that he was surrounded by family. It is a blessing that through his death his family has grown closer.

Death and dying are not things we are taught to deal with or how to process through in our culture. However, from my experience there is much to be gained through death. Life continues and those that once lived will forever impact those that knew and loved them, and through those people will impact the lives of countless others that never had the privilege of making their acquaintance. What legacy are you leaving those that go after you?

Happy Father's Day!

Today's sermon at church was about Joseph the earthly father of Jesus. We hear a lot about Mary, but not much is said about Joseph. There is a lot we can learn from his willingness to follow God, accept a pregnant wife, and father a child not of his own seed.

Did God have a purpose in choosing Joseph as the earthly father of Jesus? All of God's actions are with purpose. Joseph was a loving man. He made Mary his priority. Joseph protected Jesus despite the fact that he was not his biological son. He was a man of faith.

What do we learn about faith from our parents? Whether or not we realize it we are constantly influenced by the actions of those around us. Who better to determine our character than our parents.

What kind of role model are you to your children and the youth of your community?

How do you live your life?

What ethics are you teaching?

What do you teach the next generation?

You may not have a lot of time. What are you doing with yours?

Joseph was a man of character and strong morals. Maybe it is time we thought about Joseph and the example he set before us. Our society has been systematically destroying the integrity of our families. We need our fathers. Fathers are protectors, teachers of the proper use of power, instillers of work ethic, demonstrators of respect, and examples of morality.

What kind of father are you?