Thursday, July 02, 2009


Countless dollars spent raising kids until they move out.

$100 on kitchen set for daughter #4 as house warming for first apartment.

$5 on re-purposed end table for same daughter for same apartment.

Deceased father's living room set for same daughter for same apartment.

$300 mini-van hand delivered to daughter #3 a distance of 12 hours round trip at Thanksgiving holiday.

$100 on convertible crib to last through adulthood for first grandchild and first child of daughter #2.

$2K on car deal that went south, leaving us holding the bag, for same daughter and daughter #1.

Another $2K on first year of college that daughter #5 took so seriously she failed.

All items literally disregarded and tossed aside like yesterday's garbage.

Knowing that their children will one day grow up, and they will reap what they sow, priceless.

*Looking to the day that I actually like my five daughters, and accepting the possibility that it may never come.

Don't get me wrong. I do love all of my children. I am just finding it VERY difficult to like them all right now. Hubby and I came to the conclusion that if it were not for the fact that we are biologically related it is highly doubtful that we would ever socialize with them.

It is SO frustrating to watch things that we have spent our hard earned money on just be tossed aside, abandoned, and left for the trash man. The solution? From this point forward be certain to give them the pleasure of spending their own hard earned money on absolutely everything they need or want. Never give money as gifts, and do not spend a lot of money on anything. When at all possible make the gift, and by no means spend a lot of time doing so.

Having this type of attitude and philosophy is VERY frustrating especially when it comes to giving the grands gifts for birthdays and Christmas. As a kind and loving Nana I always want to do nice things for them and make them loving gifts. However, their mothers do not seem to place any real value on anything, so our gifts get given never to be seen again. How do we express our love through gifts that their parents don't even teach them how to cherish?

We are still learning and praying that there is a better relationship in store when we are all a little older.


Mom said...

You're learning a very valuable lesson. I've seen this far too often with kids that were given so much as they were growing up. They fail to learn the value of money and the value of the support system that they have. Then they disregard that support, expecting that it will always be there.

Changing your own behavior is the most difficult thing in the world.

For the grands - might I suggest giving gifts that are intended to be consumed and not cherished. Perhaps subscriptions to some sort of food of the month club. There are so many of those that you are bound to find something that works. Or subscriptions to a magazine is also a good idea. Either way, you can gift your grands without the frustration of knowing that whatever you gift them with won't last into their adulthood.

Tina said...

MOM - Thank you so much for your comment and input! You are VERY right in saying, "Changing your own behavior is the most difficult thing in the world." What we've learned is that sometimes we can better help them by not helping. Talk about a tough lesson! It seems I've become and expert at learning the hard way so much so that it's lasted into adulthood. Bummer! I really like your idea about the grands. I have been thinking about things like that, and I may just do that. Again, thank you for your kind and wise input. It is much appreciated!

PJ said...

"Knowing that their children will one day grow up, and they will reap what they sow, priceless."

that comment is so true. there have been many many days that i do not like my children, and i have told them so. my kids got the necessities that they needed, but raising my kids on my own i didn't have the money for many "wants". but when they each first moved out i did help them with setting up their apartments, whether it was things of mine i gave them or things i bought. and both of them just disregarded all of it when they moved out. i didn't do it again, that was my lesson there. they are a lot better now and have become more responsible. it was very trying going through that period though. things will get better.

Tina said...

PJ - THANK YOU for sharing the light at the end of the tunnel! I long after it daily. :-)


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