I have shared Scott Noelle's writing here previously, and this particular bit touches on something that I have been thinking a lot about over the past year or so. I will share my thoughts after the article:
THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
www.enjoyparenting.com/
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:: Pushing Buttons ::
When toddlers get a hold of computer keyboards, telephones, or any other gadgetry, they go wild pushing buttons! They're driven to discover the magical powers at their fingertips.
At any age, children are driven to push their parents' "buttons" too! Not because they're "naughty" but for two reasons:
1. They need to know what's there -- to map the emotional terrain and keep the map up to date.
2. It's an efficient way to get their parents' heightened attention *and* feel more powerful.
When your child pushes your buttons, s/he's doing you a favor: revealing that you've given your power away to the triggering behavior or conditions.
When you de-activate your buttons -- consciously choosing to stay Connected and Present, regardless of conditions and behavior -- you reclaim your Authentic Power! You cease to be someone who can be controlled like a mindless machine.
And your child will lose interest in the buttons you've de-activated, especially if you're also helping him or her find better ways to feel powerful.
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Copyright (c) 2009 by Scott Noelle
The first phrase that got my attention was, "When your child pushes your buttons, s/he's doing you a favor: revealing that you've given your power away to the triggering behavior or conditions." I have acknowledged the need in my own life to have better control over myself in situations that are less than desirable for me. I have family members that are intense, and I can be as well. It is my honest and true desire to remain grounded in any confrontational situation.
That being said, I struggle with keeping my cool in all situations. Some times are easier than others. Certain things may be a factor like being over tired, in pain, or distracted. In such circumstances it is easier to speak without thinking first. However, in no circumstance is it ever effective to let someone know that it is not okay for them to speak to you in a certain way while you, yourself are not using a level tone. Does this sound familiar to anyone?
I continue to struggle with thinking before I speak and maintaining a calm and controlled voice in ALL circumstances. I do pray about this, and I have made it a priority to learn how to NOT be ruled by my emotions.
Taking this a step further it is also my goal to not let the mood of someone else determine how I feel. If someone is frustrated, sad, angry, impatient, you name it, I desire for it to be second nature for me not to react emotionally. Just because someone else is having a rough moment does not mean that I need to succumb to their emotional state and join in their misery. There is no reason that I should not be able to maintain a level head and heart. However, I still struggle with this, and I find it even more frustrating than than the first mentioned dilemma.
Personally, I had never thought of it the way that Scott put it in reference to giving your power away. I can plainly see that that is precisely what we are doing when we react in such unsavory ways. I am even more determined than ever to become centered to a point that this is no longer a struggle for me. There is no reward in being out of control or hot headed.
Have any of you taken this journey? Are you still struggling? Have you mastered the art of staying level and calm in all situations? What have you learned? What are you willing to share? Wisdom, experience, and insight is desired. So, share with us oh wise and faithful readers!
