Thursday, June 29, 2006

Melt Down

Well, it finally happened. I just overloaded and had an honest to goodness, good old-fashioned melt down. It was no fun at the time, but I do feel better coming out on the other side. Being a young grandmother is no picnic. Some of the joys of grandparenting get thwarted. It's difficult to just be the loving grandmother that has grandkids over once in a while to explore and play with when you are caring for them full-time. Honestly, it is very much like having a new child of your own, or in my case two of them.

Please don't take me wrong. I love my grandchildren. I just wasn't ready, nor was I planning, to have more children. I was very much looking forward to this part of my life. It should be a little laid back right now. The oldest four are young adults, and the youngest three are basically teens. That is when life would have naturally let up, and it did. That is until I had grandchildren. No rest for the weary.

The phase I am in right now is kind of like being a mom with children and a new baby. I am desperately trying to find balance. It is a little more complex being that I am trying to find time for my children while caring for my grandchildren. I really don't want to leave anyone out. I desperately want to make time for everyone. It is tough.

Fortunately I have persevered, and things are starting to settle down. I have learned to go back to doing things a little more like when my children were younger. I shop bigger so that it lasts longer, meaning that I get to shop less frequently. I keep a list of things to do and plan meals ahead of time. I cook in big batches in order to store some ahead for busy days. I keep tons of produce on hand for something quick and easy to nourish my body when there just is no time to eat. I find activities that I like to do and do them. I read plenty of books. Reading really feeds my soul. The biggest thing I learned was to ask for help when I need it.

One thing I am looking forward to is doing my first Imagination Tribe project. I signed up for two of them. I will be creating recipe pages to share in a book that will be created for everyone for the holidays. I will also be creating something for the Day of the Dead project. I might do a memorial of some sort for my dad. He passed away April Fool's Day of 2005. He died of male breast cancer. I spent a good year of my life caring for him. It was a long, emotional ride.

Today I have planned to do a lot of cooking which I really enjoy. Five pounds of black beans are currently soaking in preparation for the crockpot this evening. We are going to put up most of them in the freezer. I would like to can them, but I do not have a pressure canner yet. We are making four dozen muffins, banana and blueberry, for future use. I will also be roasting several cloves of garlic to keep in the refrigerator. Is there anything better than fresh roasted garlic to add to your cooking? It has to be my favorite thing to have on hand. Adrian and I plan to bake cookies as well, chocolate chip and peanut butter. We are also going to make some different salad dressings from scratch. I will be putting a recipe section up in the near future to share our favorites along the way.

Today I will live in the moment. I will find the joy in everything I do. I will take time to acknowledge the beauty around me. I will stop to smell the flowers. I will take my time and not rush myself. I will savor the day.

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