Let Go, Let God

Cliche?  Over used?  No meaning?  Well, let me tell you that this has bigger meaning to me now than it ever has any other time in my life.  It's rather impressive how God can use any and all circumstances to teach us a thing or two.  It doesn't really have to be a tragedy or something dramatic.  God is working in our lives all the time, but do we take the time to notice?  I'm not so sure how much I really noticed before we decided to try to sell our family home in order to relocate to the country.

Moving is a big decision.  It is even bigger a decision the more dramatic the move.  Granted, there are plenty of moves that are more life changing than ours, but it is a major lifestyle change no matter how you slice it.  When we first made the decision to list our home for sale we really didn't think it could be accomplished.  Sell our home in this market?  We were upside down in our mortgage.  How would we ever be able to get out of this with our excellent credit rating and no lingering debt?  With God ALL things are possible.  (Matt. 19:26)

Our first blessing was the referral we received from the law firm that handled our adoption earlier in the year.  My husband was on his feet enough to have thought to ask if they knew anyone that would be good to work with in our situation.  The lawyer referred us to Ben Lang, and so began our journey.  We met with Ben, filled out the paperwork, and waited.  Nothing really happened, so we continued to pray and lowered the price.  Honestly, we were pretty laid back about the whole thing.  Having no real expectations does make waiting much easier.  Patience coupled with faith is an excellent remedy to such situations.

After some time a few offers came in that were so low there was no way we could accept them in the traditional manner, so we decided to pursue a short sale.  It was after all Ben's specialty.  The paperwork involved is very detailed and time consuming.  I was certain there was no way we could qualify not being able to show any sort of financial hardship.  However, we were able to use our quality of life as the basis and move forward with the request.  We explored a couple of other options, but nothing panned out.  The only thing we could remotely attempt would be a short sale.

This process began in April.  I was in no hurry to make anything happen as I wanted to be sure we were being led in our decisions as opposed to forcing something to happen.  It was very important to me that any decisions we made were in accordance with God's will for our family.  That being said, I dragged my feet on every part of the process pushing deadlines and doing everything last minute, sometimes literally.  By some miracle the process just kept moving forward; at a snails pace but forward nonetheless.

God used this time to great advantage.  My husband and I learned some valuable lessons through the experience due mostly to the timing of events.  Had things happened quickly like we usually desire there is no way God could have taught us patience, faith, reliance, guidance, and how to look to Him and His Word for all things.  Even with all the traumatic things I have experienced in my life there is no other time where I felt closer to God.  I literally felt led by the hand.

Our qualifying for the short sale is only the beginning of our list of blessings.  The bank accepted the offer made by a local business man and investor.  We continued to jump through hoops as required by the bank and the government.  By December of 2010 we had sold our family home with no remaining mortgage debt, no promissory note, no real damage to our credit, and the ability to rent our home for as long as we needed until we found a new one at the tune of $500 less per month than we were paying for our mortgage.  The weirdest part of it all was giving a security deposit to a landlord for the home we had remodeled and continuously improved for the past 15+ years.

On the advice of several financial experts we waited three months, ran our credit, and started the procedure of pre-qualifying for a mortgage.  Ben referred us to a great broker, and we got the ball rolling.  Certain aspects of the process leave on feeling a little uncertain as to the outcome.  See, our sole purpose in selling our home was to purchase a new one out of the city and in the country.  Should any part of this process worked out any differently that would have been impossible.  Beginning the mortgage aspect was a little nerve wracking.  Were they going to turn us down due to the short sale?  We had excellent credit, but we needed to prove ourselves to them in a big way.  Could we muster up?  The process of gaining the mortgage and being able to purchase the house was just as involved, intrusive and time consuming as the short sale process, if not more so.  The deadlines are more real in the mortgage process to be sure.

We began actively looking for a home in April.  Our original intention and desire was to stay within Macomb County.  I am a big fan of the library system as well as Macomb County Community College; not to mention we own a business there, and our next to youngest son is finishing his senior year in Fraser at Arts Academy in the Woods.  In my mind these are all great reasons to stay in the county, but God had other plans.  It wasn't too long into the process that we realized finding a home with the amenities we desired and in the price range we wanted was going to be challenging.  There just didn't seem to be much out there, which seemed so contrary to the current statistics supporting a buyer's market.  One thing led to another, and we began to start looking in St. Clair County.  Poor Ben!  That guy was driving all over creation with us.  We ended up being referred to Tanya Nettnay through our brother-in-law.  She specializes in St. Clair County properties, and grew up a country girl.  What more could we ask for?  Due to our love for Ben, and his dedication to us as his clients, we arranged a formal referral.  It was time to move on to uncharted territory.

I grew up in St. Clair County, but I lived in the city.  My husband grew up in Macomb County and had no clue about anything out that way.  Who knew God's direction would lead us to a location better than we could imagine?  Honestly, I really didn't even think the house anything too special after we looked at it.  One thing that did strike me, though, was the happiness of the previous owner.  She and her husband raised six children in this home, and their story is so similar to ours that it was uncanny.  The similarities did get my attention.  We looked at the home a second and third time and could find no other homes on the market that even came close to meeting our needs.  In prayerful consideration we made an offer.  There was a counter, and we accepted.  One would think the story ends here, but bureaucracy is never simple.  It was time to jump through more hoops and appease more red tape.

We gathered more information, submitted more paperwork and documentation, hired inspectors, and met the demands of FHA.  Not a simple process.  From acceptance of offer to signing of papers we passed through nearly three months.  We even cancelled our vacation to make ourselves available for the process.  See, the thing about this process being so lengthy and never really knowing if it would all work out until we actually signed the papers was a huge opportunity for us to learn and grow.  This transition is not about us at all.  Rather, it is about God and how we can work to glorify Him.  It has been my constant prayer that He place us exactly where it is he needs us, and I believe with my whole heart that we are where He wants us to be.  I do not claim to know His plans, but I have faith and confidence that I did not put myself here.  God led, opened the doors and the windows, and bid us to come through.  We did just that all the while checking to be  certain that each step was guided and not self-directed.

It is truly amazing the things that can happen if we only stay out of the way.  Is my new home perfect in every way?  No.  Does my new home have all the attributes listed to meet my desires?  No.  Would I have it any other way?  Absolutely not!  I am happy that we "Let Go, and Let God".  I cannot imagine the blessings we would miss, known and unknown, had we not allowed ourselves to be led.

As faith would have it we are now close to family members that we've always lived far from, close to some that moved away, and in a much better position to share our blessings with whomever God sees fit.  Our hearts are open, and it is difficult to imagine things any other way.  Also, the investor that purchased our old home was able to sell it immediately after we moved out.  We prayed in earnest for the new owners that the home would be a blessing to them.  Working with the investor was a privilege and another opportunity to shine for Christ.  He does indeed use all circumstances to His glory.  (Romans 8:28)

Lord willing, we'll never have to do it again!  

Our new home before we started moving in.

Getting it Together

Writing something new and interesting here has been on my mind, oh since my last post. I'm sure you are familiar with those times that life just kind of sucks you in, and there really isn't anything you can do about it. You just need to go with the flow. Well, I'm coming out of one of those times.

In mid-July we got some life changing news that I am not a liberty to discuss fully as of yet. After some decisions are made, then I will share the full story here. It is my hope that at least one will benefit from our experience. Be that as it may, this news just sent me into a tail spin. It blindsided me so to speak. Fortunately we had a little bit of a heads up, so we were able to process things a bit before we had to face the situation head on.

Currently, we are still facing the situation head on, but the process paralyzed me for a time. It was rather unexpected. I think I was in shock, then it was a deep depression. Fortunately, I have grown a bit over the years, and this did not freak me out as it would have years ago. Before I understood how we function I used to get terribly frightened when I would get depressed. I would fear I was going crazy, literally. I would fear I was always going to feel that way and never be able to snap out of it.

After some experience, and a bit of education, I can see depression for what it is. It really can be therapeutic in and of itself. Sometimes we just need to go through it to have clarity on the other side. Depression is not necessarily a bad thing. It can be positive and beneficial if we embrace the process. Looking back I can see a few stages that I went through. Initially it was shock, then I was depressed and didn't realize it. Next, I became aware of the fact that I was depressed and just kind of went with it. I allowed myself to process, and it was the best thing I could have done. I talked with God a lot. Then, I started to come around. Things became more clear. After intense seeking I reached out for help. Now, I am able to see things more clearly, and it is a wonderful feeling. God never disappoints. He will guide us if we desire and request his guidance. It's a beautiful thing.

Sometimes God even surprises us. Have you ever found yourself thinking, "Really, God? You want me to do what? Right now? After all this? Really?" That is where we are right now. I'm sorry I cannot say a whole lot more. Decisions still need to be made before I can move too much more forward in this area, but we are in process. It is a beautiful place to be. It took us a while to get it together enough to be in process. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Have you been there, done that? Are you there right now?

Know that God has written His Word on your heart, and he is always guiding us. Seek Him and He will lead. He will hold you up in the good times and the bad. He is always there. God never fails us. AMEN!

Lessons in Life

Well, I've grown to learn that the only bad mistake is one that I didn't learn from, and I've been doing a lot of learning lately. Most of it centers around my children and the silver spoon they think is in their mouth. I couldn't be more fed up with the middle class snobs I seem to have raised. How does that happen, anyway?

I grew up poor. No question about it. I've got plenty of vivid memories to remind me. There was a clothes dryer and refrigerator in my bedroom because our house was so small. We got everything we needed for the year at Christmas from my mom saving her change all year. I started working at 11 doing babysitting jobs and held a job with a check ever since I was 14 years old. I was a teen mom that had my own apartment in high school and graduated with my class. I was editor-in-chief of the yearbook, student of the month, and held down a job while raising my baby and attending high school. I went to college and business school. I was a single mom for years. I worked my way up in life. Sometimes it seems all for not.

How is it that two working class citizens with strong work ethics and a descent set of morals can raise such ignorant, ungrateful, self-centered, clueless children? It is a question that won't soon be answered for me, I am sure. I've got four girls out of the house and on their own all taking the hard way, in no uncertain terms.

All of our children were offered the same opportunity. Stay at home, work and go to school, save your money, buy a car, and step out on the right foot with a bankroll and a solid investment portfolio to hold you up. I was so proud to have the means to offer this to SEVEN children when it couldn't even be considered for me as a child. Do you know that not a one of those four girls took us up on it? Not a one! They all have children and are single moms. None of them have graduated college, save one that went to business school. They are all making terrible decisions that go against anything we have ever advised, taught, or modeled. Guess who they want to clean up the mess and pick up the pieces when it all blows up in their faces? What no guesses? Oh, I'm sure you'll get it on the first try. It couldn't be more obvious.

Why is it that these children, young adults now, think they are owed so much and do not have a clue about working hard and respecting the fact that their parents are out there working hard. They have to support one child, except the one that just had twins, and we support seven children and six grandchildren. Granted the burden has lightened with less mouths to feed on a daily basis, but I'd rather be feeding them than dealing with all the bologna they've been slicing. The way I see it the middle class lifestyle spoiled them. They'd have been better off to have been brought up with nothing. It's not like just one of them doesn't get it. All of our girls have their heads somewhere that does not provide enough oxygen for clear thinking.

I have to say that I am not a fan of parenting adult children. The good thing is that hubby and I are learning that we don't really care to do anything much other than nod and smile at this point. After this last deal is done no one better come a calling, because the shop is closed. Quite literally. They have taken advantage of us so much that we don't even want to help with the smallest of things. I'm so disgusted with them all that I can scarcely look at them. It's all I can muster to carry on a conversation. I'll spare you all the gory details, but I am not out of line here. Rest assured. When it gets to the point that good gestures and helping hands are taken for granted then it's time for those hands to let go.

Just to add insult to injury the youngest girl, 19 years old, that is at home, working, going to college, and failing all her classes. Talk about a frustrating year. She graded herself right out of any hopes of financial aide or mom and dad footing the bill any longer. This isn't from lack of ability by any stretch. It's from lack of effort, and that is just disheartening. Now, she needs to determine just what it is that she plans to do. This may no longer be her residence by the end of the summer. It wouldn't surprise me in the least, and so be it. I'm not losing any sleep over it anymore. We have handed her the world on a silver platter, and she spit on it as far as I'm concerned. It's frustrating, but it seems she may need to take a course at the school of hard knocks, and I've learned enough to be okay with that.

The boys are okay so far. I still have to kick them in the butt to get their school work done, but they watch their sisters and just don't get it at all. Hopefully, their ambitions stay ambitious, and their drive stays in gear. Otherwise, we'll have some more casualties at the Smith household, and I don't know how much more I can take. I've reached a state of numb. There's nothing like kids to make you feel like a failure even though you know you gave it your all and provided them with a golden opportunity.

The toughest lesson to learn is that you are not responsible for the decisions your children make. It's the whole, "You can lead a horse to water..." thing in full swing. I led them. I flashed neon signs. I sent up smoke signals. I chartered aerial banners. I purchased billboards. I led the fight, but they didn't follow. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't make them drink.