Loss of Power

I have shared Scott Noelle's writing here previously, and this particular bit touches on something that I have been thinking a lot about over the past year or so. I will share my thoughts after the article:

THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove

Reminder: Early registration for the Rethinking Education conference and family fun fest, featuring Scott Noelle and others, will end in 7 days! See:
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:: Pushing Buttons ::

When toddlers get a hold of computer keyboards, telephones, or any other gadgetry, they go wild pushing buttons! They're driven to discover the magical powers at their fingertips.

At any age, children are driven to push their parents' "buttons" too! Not because they're "naughty" but for two reasons:

1. They need to know what's there -- to map the emotional terrain and keep the map up to date.

2. It's an efficient way to get their parents' heightened attention *and* feel more powerful.

When your child pushes your buttons, s/he's doing you a favor: revealing that you've given your power away to the triggering behavior or conditions.

When you de-activate your buttons -- consciously choosing to stay Connected and Present, regardless of conditions and behavior -- you reclaim your Authentic Power! You cease to be someone who can be controlled like a mindless machine.

And your child will lose interest in the buttons you've de-activated, especially if you're also helping him or her find better ways to feel powerful.

http://dailygroove.net/pushing-buttons

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(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)
Copyright (c) 2009 by Scott Noelle


The first phrase that got my attention was, "When your child pushes your buttons, s/he's doing you a favor: revealing that you've given your power away to the triggering behavior or conditions." I have acknowledged the need in my own life to have better control over myself in situations that are less than desirable for me. I have family members that are intense, and I can be as well. It is my honest and true desire to remain grounded in any confrontational situation.

That being said, I struggle with keeping my cool in all situations. Some times are easier than others. Certain things may be a factor like being over tired, in pain, or distracted. In such circumstances it is easier to speak without thinking first. However, in no circumstance is it ever effective to let someone know that it is not okay for them to speak to you in a certain way while you, yourself are not using a level tone. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

I continue to struggle with thinking before I speak and maintaining a calm and controlled voice in ALL circumstances. I do pray about this, and I have made it a priority to learn how to NOT be ruled by my emotions.

Taking this a step further it is also my goal to not let the mood of someone else determine how I feel. If someone is frustrated, sad, angry, impatient, you name it, I desire for it to be second nature for me not to react emotionally. Just because someone else is having a rough moment does not mean that I need to succumb to their emotional state and join in their misery. There is no reason that I should not be able to maintain a level head and heart. However, I still struggle with this, and I find it even more frustrating than than the first mentioned dilemma.

Personally, I had never thought of it the way that Scott put it in reference to giving your power away. I can plainly see that that is precisely what we are doing when we react in such unsavory ways. I am even more determined than ever to become centered to a point that this is no longer a struggle for me. There is no reward in being out of control or hot headed.

Have any of you taken this journey? Are you still struggling? Have you mastered the art of staying level and calm in all situations? What have you learned? What are you willing to share? Wisdom, experience, and insight is desired. So, share with us oh wise and faithful readers!

Compassion Sunday

I have been a Compassion Sponsor for over 10 years. It has given me the opportunity to watch a young girl grow into a beautiful young lady. She has made wonderful progress and is currently going to school to become a nurse. Her letters brighten my day, and I look forward to hearing of her progress.

Today is a special day. It is a day to learn about Compassion International, poverty around the world, and how you can make a difference. It only costs about a dollar a day to change the life of a child thereby positively effecting an entire family and community. Check this out:

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Early Spring Salad

This salad is simple and perfect to share at potluck. Now that the sun is shining it's time to switch from those crockpots full of soup to something cool and refreshing. This recipe takes advantage of the affordable strawberries that are out at the market right now. Enjoy!



2 cups frozen Blueberries, fresh if you have them
2 pounds Strawberries, stemmed and quartered
1 small Cantaloupe, peeled and cubed
2 Tablespoons Agave Nectar, you can substitute honey
Juice of 1 Orange
1/4 cup fresh Mint, chopped

Combine prepared fruit in large serving bowl.

In small mixing bowl wisk together remaining ingredients.

Toss juice mixture with fruit.

Refrigerate at least one hour before serving.

If you like you can serve with whipped cream and mint leaves to garnish.

Preparing for VBS

Well, I'm off to Camp Au Sale again for another fun filled weekend of education and connection. This will be my second year as VBS Coordinator for our church. This year's theme is Bible Mystery Investigation. That's about all I know about it right now.

This will be my first time attending the VBS weekend, and I am looking forward to the experience. It is my understanding that many ideas are exchanged there, and I will head home with the curriculum and some tools to get me started.

I really need to get on the ball. Our VBS program is slotted for the last week in July. I am sure many of you know that three months fly by in the normal course of life, let alone when you have a pressing deadline. Before you know it we will be in the thick of things with the kids.

What I am most interested in is learning how to effectively promote our VBS program. We are a very urban church, but our congregation is aging. We do not have many youth in our church, so we really need to reach out to the community. The youth seem to really be becoming a focus of mine. Where are we without them? They are essential, and we could use more.

Do any of you have experience in this department? Is there anything you can share about bringing more families into the church? What about marketing your VBS program to the community in a fun and inviting way? I'd love to learn from your experience.

A Transition in Life

In I Corinthians John espouses the benefits of remaining single. Did you know that being single and childless was my original plan for my life? I actually did have a plan one day, way back when. It involved staying single, remaining childless, joining the Peace Corps, becoming a photographer for National Geographic, and traveling the world exploring and doing good for others. What a life, eh?

Being single really does have it's benefits, and reading I Corinthians is a good idea for any young person still searching or any adult that either by choice, or chance finds themselves leading the life of a single person. Should a person find it a viable option, remaining single can open oneself up for tremendous potential. Can you imagine the freedom?

I think singleness is really what we are dreaming of when we imagine as a child growing up and becoming an independent young person. Aren't we really just looking to do what we want when we want to? A committed relationship of any sort really does change the entire dynamics of what we might imagine freedom to be. When it boils right down to it anything is more difficult the more we have to consider the feelings of others. Our desires and ambitions may even be halted all together. How does this change our relationship with God and our ability to serve Him?

As an imperfect being we are masters of complicating just about everything. For any of you that have followed this blog even for the past few months you will know that I have my hands full, to put it mildly, with children, grandchildren, a husband, homeschooling, pets, friends, church responsibilities, family obligations, and on and on. On top of this I had a health scare which, praise God, turned out well, and I seem to be in perimenopause. Doesn't that just sound fun? The perimenopause really does add a level of complication to keeping all of my hats on my head that even a master circus performer would struggle with.

What does one do when we do not take experienced advise like that given in the Bible and choose to complicate our lives further? I watch my girls, all FIVE of them, do this on a regular basis. Unfortunately for my children, I connected with God later in life. Therefore our first batch was raised by two very different parents than our second batch. (Any of you that have large families know exactly what I am talking about.) It took me quite a while to grow up, learn who I am, and determine a positive way to approach everything life related. Our home and our children are so different now than what we knew say eight years ago. It's a different world in so many ways.

Now that I have found the Bible and all the treasures it holds it is difficult to impart on my twenty-something daughters. We struggle to connect with them and establish healthy boundaries at the same time. If I did not have my Bible, my church family and those that went before me to share their wisdom I do not know how I would even function. I think it is so sad that this passage of knowledge between generations is lost in our culture. The level of disrespect of our fellow man seems to grow with each generation. It truly does sadden me.

On more than one occasion it has been said that I am naive. I can see it myself in certain circumstances. I do most always see the good in people which often blinds me to things that would be helpful to notice. Thankfully my husband is great at seeing things for what they are and catching details that are invisible to me. We balance each other out wonderfully in that department.

I seem to be in yet another of life's transitions. On the good side that indicates growth and maturity. On the flip side it inflicts emotional discomfort and exhaustion. I am thankful for my relationship with God. Life would have been a lot easier if I had actually studied my Bible when I was younger and had I listened more closely to those that went before me. Now I hunger for knowledge and find valuable guidance in the Word of God and my friends and family that have a few years experience on me. They are both valuable resources that I am forever grateful for having.